


Du hører hjemme her oppe

by Pinkshiori



Category: Frozen (Disney Movies)
Genre: ADD Elsa, Angst, Brief Elsa / Cassandra, Coming Out, F/F, Family, Family Secrets, Fluff, Frohana (Disney), High Maintenance Elsa, Honeymaren deserves the world™, Honeymaren says fuck, Internalized Homophobia, Jock Honeymaren, LOTS OF REINDEER !, Modern AU, Reindeer, Slow Burn, Smooth Maren, Sàmi Honeymaren, TW: Racism, Unrequited Ryder / Kristoff, a few OCs - Freeform, and a day off, icebros, mental health, northuldra, tw : suicide attempt reference
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-12
Updated: 2020-11-20
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:29:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 26
Words: 41,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26975185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pinkshiori/pseuds/Pinkshiori
Summary: An introvert walks into a bar. She finds a friend maybe, herself for sure, and a lot more than she ever expected about her past and family.Elsa is the queen of overthinking and Maren is way too perfect for her own good. Both are gay and useless. The frohana household watches a lot of netflix.
Relationships: Anna & Elsa (Disney), Elsa & Kristoff (Disney), Elsa/Honeymaren (Disney), Honeymaren & Ryder Nattura
Comments: 153
Kudos: 140





	1. An introvert walks into a bar

Elsa stood facing the Dark Sea with a determined look on her face.

It was okay for her to be there, she reminded herself.

She took off the hair band at the end of her braid, a nervous habit, and tied it higher into what Anna called her 'get shit done' ponytail.

“Okay,” she whispered, then looked around to check that no one had seen her. 

She did not want to think about Anna at the moment. It was something she had to do for herself and by herself, Gerda had told her.

If she believed Google, The Dark Sea a was a laid-back and friendly place as well as "a major spot for LGBT life" with emphasis on the "L". That was what people like her did, go to places like that. It was okay.

She shook her hands to calm their trembling and took one decisive step across the road.

The bar was was...well it was normal.

Same dim light, same smell of wet wood and beer, it was not that different from the other places Elsa had been dragged to before. 80s music playing in the background and echoes of an ongoing pool game from a mezzanine upstairs. It wasn't an atmosphere Elsa actively enjoyed but it was at least somewhat familiar.

Differences were in the details like a tiny rainbow flags garland hanging from the ceiling, or faded posters of past pride events where other places would have tacky beer adds. A temporary collage exhibition from a local artist and a full sword rack. For a place that had built its identity around people's sexuality, the atmosphere was surprisingly unsexual. Unless of course you counted the purple clitoris painting that took an entire wall, stylized enough that it could pass for some art nouveau ornament to the unsuspecting eye. Elsa had seen cruder things online.

A tin stand at the entrance offered an array of colorful flyers. Some promoted LGBT+ events in the area: gallery openings, fundraisers, local bands she had never heard of and club nights she would never think of going to. Some had tamer designs and were not selling anything, they were safe sex pamphlets, legal help charities lists, anti homophobia associations, suicide helplines.

 _Been there, done that_ , she thought.

Inside, Elsa notices, were mainly women, some sitting in groups, some as couples, obviously on dates. And it was normal, natural. Nowhere near as taboo Elsa had grown up to believe.

To be honest there had been a lot of taboo things in her life.

Like how her parents only spoke English, but Father always chose his words carefully and Mother never managed to wrap her tongue completely accurately around sounds no one else had a problem with. How Mother fell silent on the rare occasions Father mentioned his family and how she almost never mentioned hers. How Anna was always one year older than her classmates because she had to double first grade and how she tended to forget things, less often as she grew up but still more than she should.

Elsa had grown used to all of those. But the one thing she had never been able to let go of, the one things that remained despite her best efforts to make it go away, was the one that drove her here tonight. 

So there she was, and there was no turning back.

Literally.

Surely someone had seen her standing in the doorway for the past five minutes and turning away now would be so mortifying she would never find the courage to come back and it would be back to square one. 

Leaving wasn't an option but she had no idea what else to do. 

She hadn't actually made plans beyond the entrance door. 

What should she have expected anyway? Bump into a beautiful stranger and embark on an epic love story? Strike conversation with a quirky yet gentle middle aged bartender full of sound advice who would then take her under their wing? Yeah, no. This wasn't a movie.

She could – and should – get a drink, that was what bars were for after all. Get a drink and then what? Who goes to a bar alone? Any bar. Maybe she could pretend to be waiting for someone and then act like she had been stood up and leave. That had to be a lot less embarrassing than what she was actually doing. 

The bar stood opposite the mural. Made of wood, it was kind of shaped like a boat, probably to keep with the initial theme of the bar, now lost under a mess fairy lights, postcards, pictures and various tokens of a good time spent in the place.

Elsa spotted a tall lanky guy with more piercings than anyone should ever have on their face and a shorter blond woman in a band tshirt and slacks. They shared a single till with a tip jar right next to it. There were two chalkboards hanging overhead, one read _Service at the bar_ and the other had a list of what Elsa guessed were cocktails and their prices, each name more outrageous than the other. It made her smile. 

She squeezed herself into a vacant spot at the right corner of the bar? Next to her two women were caught in what looked like an intense conversation. The music was just loud enough that Elsa could not hear them.

She leaned against the counter, waiting for one of the bartenders to look her way but no one seemed to notice her.

She hated ordering at a bar the few times she had gone out with Anna and Kristoff and she hated it even more there. Why couldn't people queue like they did everywhere else. How could the bartenders even keep track of who had or hadn't ordered? How did they not lose business. Who came up with the stupid idea that you had to catch someone's attention in order to buy something from them? Wasn't it supposed to be the other way round? Elsa was terrible at catching people attention. She deliberately went her whole life _avoiding_ catching people's attention.

This was stupid. She should have gone to an exhibition, a conference, a book sign-in, even a concert. Anything with a set of rules she was familiar with. Somewhere with specific content that could justify her presence too. _"Somewhere you could go, consume and leave without having to actually socialize,"_ she heard Gerda's disappointed voice in her head. 

Then again, what did Gerda know about the mortification of feeling invisible behind a bar counter?

Stupid exercise.

Elsa moved her weight from one foot to the other, trying to make herself a little bigger and accidentally bumped into the person next to her.

"Sorry!" she gasped. 

The woman only gave her a polite look and immediately turned back to her partner. At least she shifted a little on her seat to give Elsa some more space. She blond bartender was already taking someone else's order. Elsa sighed in defeat.

Was there something wrong with her look? Was there a trick, a code she wasn't aware of? She had tapped into her most casual business clothes and figured a light blue blazer over a white blouse and black skinny jeans would be rather inconspicuous. She wasn't so sure anymore. Maybe she had overdone it with the blazer. Or underdone it. It wasn't like she had been able to ask anyone advice on what to wear. The internet had not been of much help, she wasn't really one for Hawaiian shirts and vinyl jackets.

She finally risked taking a look at the people around her, something she had actually avoided doing so as not to get caught accidentally staring. She did spot a few flannel shirts and buzz cuts but for the most part they looked, well, normal too. Like regular people, she thought, that she could have passed in the street on their way here after a day of work and not think anything of it. What was she missing?

Someone let out an extra loud laugh that made Elsa jump. What if she had actually walked in in an outfit that screamed straight girl, and all were ignoring her on purpose, secretly laughing at her?

The rainbow garland over her head taunted her, Elsa could almost hear it saying “Yes this place is for people like you, just not _you_ ”. That was what she got for avoiding the symbol like the plague outside her bedroom, lest people around her _knew_.

Elsa did not notice the couple beside her leave until another woman took the free spot and leaned over, blocking her view of the bar.

"Hi" the woman said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well there you have it, this absolute monster of a fic, started in March, during lockdown in France when the memory of the “normal” world was still fresh in our mind and something we could imagine going back to. As you can see it is set in a bar, I thought it was important to pay homage to this soon to be forgotten tradition of modern society.
> 
> It started as a character study of awkward gay introvert Elsa (did someone say “project”???!!) and was meant to be a short meet cute and then suddenly I had dozens of pages of notes.
> 
> I decided to start posting now because I figured hey, why not? So hopefully I'll get to finish it and you'll get to enjoy my authentically un beta-ed word vomit.
> 
> I'm positive you already know who the woman is, but be warned though, the burn is gonna be slow as fuck on this one


	2. Meeting the twins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mysterious beautiful stranger indroduces herself. Elsa is a disaster.

Elsa's heart skipped a beat. The woman was beautiful. About her age, she had long dark hair in a thick braid and definitely looked like she worked out. She had on faded jeans and, yes, a Hawaian shirt. A reindeer themed Hawaiian shirt that gave Elsa a great idea for Kristoff's Christmas present even though it was barely September.

"Hi? Hi. Hi me?" Elsa answered, resisting the urge to check there wasn't anyone else behind her. She groaned inwardly. While the adorable idiot act might work for Anna, the chances of it being equally endearing on herself were thin.

"Yes. You" The woman said with a smile and Elsa wanted the floor to swallow her immediately. “I like your jacket.”

“Th-- thanks.” Elsa dared to look at her in the eyes – brown, no, hazelnut, warm like caramel, she noted.

“It suits your eyes.” The woman added right away.

Elsa felt her blush spread across her cheeks and looked down again. Not for the first time she cursed her pale skin that made it impossible to hide her embarrassment. Surely the stranger's darker complexion wasn't as treacherous as hers. Although a blush would certainly look beautiful on her high cheekbones. Then again she didn't look like someone who blushed easily.

“Ah huh. I like your shirt. It suits – you.” Elsa chocked out. She was hopeless.

"This old thing?” The stranger said with one raised eyebrow and what Elsa hoped was humor in her voice. “I'm kidding, it was a present from my brother, how could I ever refuse? What are you drinking?"

"Oh, huh... nothing I was actually trying to order but I ..." Elsa trailed off.

"I see."

The stranger called over the bar, loud and confident but not demanding, just assured enough to get a bartender's attention. Almost immediately the blond was standing there with a smile and a _"Hi, what can I get you?"_ Elsa wanted to scream. 

"I'll have a Corona and a-- You never said. What are your having?"

Elsa opened her mouth to answer and immediately closed it.

She had been thinking of getting a glass of wine, but now she realized that she didn't know if this was a "red or white" place of if they had a list. And if they did she couldn't see herself asking for it now. She did know her wines, it was part of her education. But she didn't want to run the risk of ordering something too fancy for the place, something that would make the woman think she was a snob. She couldn't go for scotch either for the very same reasons. She had to choose fast but her mind was blank. The cocktails with the embarrassing names listed on the blackboard were a no go. She could never say them out loud. She liked gin and tonic but she had read people making fun of it online so she avoided it. One solution would be to ask for the same beer the woman had just ordered but she didn't want to look like a pushover either and to be honest she hated the taste of it.

She should have looked more closely at the bar's website, surely they had a page about the drinks they offered, she would have made a choice by now and the other woman would not be looking at her like that.

"Okay, I got this." The woman said. "You want alcohol, yes?"

Elsa nodded numbly. 

"So one Corona and two rum and coke." Then turning back to Elsa she said. "For the record, I never do that. Order for someone. But you looked a little lost there so..." 

"Thanks." Elsa had never had rum and coke before but she knew the tastes of both, it sounded safe.

Elsa wondered briefly who the third drink was for. Then she remembered that people rarely only got drinks for themselves. She was the only loser who would walk into a bar alone, that much a loser that someone had to actually place her order for her.

“So stranger, You have a name?” The woman asked as the bartender started making their drinks.

That, apparently, was how you got to know other people. It looked so easy, so effortless. Elsa was impressed.

“It's Elsa,” At least she did not stutter those three syllables this time.

"Elsa" the woman repeated as if testing how it felt on her tongue. "It's quite uncommon," she said. "But pretty."

Elsa couldn't help but blush. "My parents are from Europe." she said, which was probably anything but relevant but the woman didn't seem to mind or even notice Elsa' awkwardness. 

"I'm Honeymaren," she said. Elsa must have looked a little surprise because she added. "See, you don't have the exclusivity on uncommon names!"

"Honeymaren, Nice to meet you." Elsa said and prayed that was the right thing to say, but from Honeymaren pursued lips and frown she deduced it apparently was not.

"Yeah, no. That won't do," she said, unaware of the cold feeling of panic running down Elsa's back. "For some reason my parents thought that mouthful of a stripper name was a good idea," she went on. "You can call me Maren like everyone else." Elsa breathed again. "Please do that. They are from Europe too. My family, I mean. Scandinavia to be precise."

To be honest it wasn't precise at all. Honeymaren did not look like any Scandinavian people you saw on TV. If she had to venture a guess Elsa would have said she was Native American or maybe Asian. But she knew better than to ask. _We're from Norway_ , she wanted to say, _but my parents moved here long before I was born and never went back and never even really talked about it so all I know is from movies and Wikipedia._ It maybe wasn't the ideal topic for a first introduction.

"So who are you here with?" Honeymaren cut through her train of thoughts.

 _Say you're waiting for a friend, just like you said._ Elsa told herself. For some reason she found herself incapable of lying.

"No one." she said looking at the bar to avoid seeing the judgment in the other woman's gaze.

"Well, why don't you come sit with us then?" Honeymaren offered instead, as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

"I'm sorry, what?"

"I said come sit with us. Unless you don't want to. I'm just offering, no pressure."

"Yeah-- Yes" Elsa managed to choke out. "I mean, are you sure?"

"Yeah, of course." Honeymaren shrugged.

Providential distraction came in the form of their drinks. Elsa fumbled with her wallet ready to foot the whole bill to avoid the hassle of asking to split it. It wasn't like she could not afford it.

"What are you doing?" Honeymaren asked, almost offended.

"I'm paying for..." Elsa started.

Honeymaren laughed "You really are something else," she said lightly and handed her card to the waitress in a move that cut short to any sort of negotiation. "You'll get the next round. Come on, follow me.”

Elsa was relieved to see her make no move to touch her glass, not even to hand it to her. Honeymaren didn't look like someone she had to be wary of, but then again neither did Hans.

* * *

Honeymaren led them to a corner booth occupied by a single guy. His skin was the same color as hers an a mop of black hair fell on his forehead. His large and muscular build reminded Elsa of Kristoff. His dark henley, assorted flannel, and leather necklace, however looked almost too stereotypical to be genuine. 

Elsa had assumed, because of where they were that Maren was... like her. But if she was here with a guy maybe that meant she wasn't. She had read something about how some straight people would go to gay bars as a form of entertainment. What if it was the case and they thought she was like them? And people in the bar had seen her associate with them and now no one else will even want her here anymore.

No, Maren looked like she knew the bartender at least a little so she had to be a regular. What if they were a bi couple then? And they were here to pick up a third person to spice things up in their couple and Elsa was their mark tonight? Honeymaren had gotten her a drink and it would be terribly rude to leave now. They were gonna get her drunk and then ask her to do weird things even thought she hadn't even as much as kissed another girl yet.

"Yo buttface, we have company." Honeymaren planted the beer in front of the man. "This is Elsa. Elsa, this is my brother Ryder."

_Ah._

When she first started seeing her, Gerda had explained to Elsa that her tendency to _"engage in what-if scenario, focusing on the worst-case ones"_ was _"a symptom of anxiety and not a reflexion of rational thinking”_ despite what her disorder would have her believe. Maybe she had had a point that day.

"'Hi Elsa."

"Hello Ryder, nice to meet you."

"Nice to meet you too -- Maren where did you find her? She's so polite!"

"Haha, move." Maren said bumping her brother's hip aside to make room for herself. Elsa was saved from having to choose her seat and sit uncomfortable next to a stranger, instead she took a spot on in the middle of the opposite bench.

Maybe this evening would turn out not so bad after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honeymaren has a stripper's name, fight me on this.


	3. What's your story ?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elsa gets to know Maren and Ryder

“Tonight we drink to my little brother's latest heartbreak!" Honeymaren announced happily and raised her glass.

“You're a terrible person!” Ryder said matching her tone and gesture.

Elsa went to do the same but stopped halfway. "I'm so sorry what happened?" she asked, as confused as she was concerned.

"Ha!” Honeymaren put her glass down. “So, today that dork finally built up the guts to speak to that new intern he's been crushing on since forever. And guess what? First thing the dude talks about is his girlfriend."

"Yup!" Ryder confirmed. “There goes my chances!”

"And I keep saying, nothing is completely lost yet." Honeymaren answered, apparently it was a conversation they had already had before.

"Yes it is, Maren. He really loves her. They're getting married."

“Anyways, cheers!” Honeymaren picked her glass up again. 

They all took a sip and Elsa decided that she quite liked the drink Honeymaren had gotten her. She didn't have time to really savour it, as Ryder was already leaning over across the table towards her.

“So, what about you Elsa, what are you here for tonight? Alcohol? Company? Special Company?” He asked wriggling his eyebrows at the end, which earned him a not so tender slap on the arm from Honeymaren.

“Company, I suppose,” Elsa answered quietly. “To be honest I didn't really know what to expect. I wasn't sure I would actually make it past the door.”

“Why not?” Ryder asked.

“I huh. It's actually my first time here.” Elsa said hoping they would understand. She really didn't feel like explaining more.

“Did your friends bail out on you?” Honeymaren asked.

"No, I... I'm on my own."

“First time and by yourself? Man, that takes a lot of guts, I'm impressed!” Ryder said with an appreciative nod. 

Did he think she deserved a medal? There was nothing to be impressed by, it wasn't brave or anything, only desperate.

“I'm with Ryder on this one,” Honeymaren added. “And I'm really glad I got to get you a drink then. It's a way better thing to celebrate than that dork's heartbreak!” she said, then in a mock whisper she added “He gets one every week.”

“Hey, you're the one who insisted on drinking to _that_!”

Elsa wished she had that sort of relationship with Anna. She could do warm hugs now and even occasional _I love yous_ but she could never be sure how her teasing would be perceived. She knew she had a tendency to come across at cold or mean without meaning to and she never wanted Anna to believe she had gone back to her old ways.

"I have a sister." She blurted out as if it was just a random fact and not the thing that defined her whole life and identity.

“Bless your soul.” “Lucky you!” Ryder and Honeymaren said at the same time.”Younger or older? Are you close?"

"Younger. By three years. We..." _We were best friends until I fucked up so badly I had to stay away for thirteen years but she's the most precious thing in the world to me._ "We are kind of close, now. I guess.”

“It's a shame she didn't come with you then,” Ryder said, “Siblings make the best wingmen, -women, -people, wingpeople?" 

Elsa could actually picture it: wonderful ray of sunshine Anna going from table to table, effortlessly collecting numbers, men's and women's alike, with a kind word and a smile. Maybe in a perfect world she would share Elsa's world and help her explore it, in a world where they would be happy and not in the middle of rebuilding everything Elsa had destroyed.

"Funny I would have said the worst!" Honeymaren answered.

* * *

Honeymaren and Ryder Nattura, Elsa learned, were twins. They had moved to the area a few years ago to work for the local zoo deer program “Hence the shirt,” Honeymaren explained. But sponsors quickly started to fall through and the program was ended. Elsa remembered hearing about that. It had been Kristoff dream job for a long time but the whole place was shut down before he could pay through his first year of vet school. Ryder found a job as a vet assistant and had been working there ever since. He definitely had many things in common with Kristoff, Elsa thought. It was such a shame they would never meet.

Honeymaren, on the other hand, had seen it as an opportunity to change vocations and landed a job at a security company. It wasn't the easiest but the money was good and the company even paid for her gym membership. Being a woman, she explained, paradoxically made the job easier too, some people were dumb enough to underestimate her and some even dumber to actually go easy on her. The hardest part was actually convincing the clients you could really do it.

Elsa wasn't keen on talking to people but she could have spend the whole night listening to the twins speak. Their energy was fascinating, they fed from each other, joking and bickering, but without ever making Elsa feel excluded.

Elsa also learned that Ryder and Maren had been out as gay since they were fifteen.

Ryder had completely ruined Maren's big angsty teenage coming of age reveal by getting caught with another boy. As it had turned out no one, absolutely no one, cared who they liked as long as they remained good, hardworking kids.

Which Maren wasn't, but that was a story for another time.

Elsa could hardly imagine what it was like to have unconditional support from your family and friends. There probably laid the difference between their easy confidence and her own insecurities. 

“What about you?” Maren asked. “How was it for you to come out.”

“I – I haven't actually.” Elsa answered after some hesitation. “I don't really have any close friends” she explained. _Or any friends whatsoever_ , she added mentally, but Maren and Ryder didn't need to know that. “And I never talked about it with my family.”

"Not even with your sister?" Maren asked.

“It's not something...” Not something Elsa wanted to risk adding to their already fragile relationship. Not when she had so much to make up for still. “Not something I think I'm ready to discuss with her at the moment.” 

“So you're saying that apart from us, nobody knows that you're... what by the way?” Maren asked.

“What what?”

“Nevermind,” she said backtracking. “You don't have to answer, I'm just curious. I mean, Ryder goes for the dudes only and I go both ways. But as I said you don't have to answer.” Maren was almost rambling at that point and Elsa felt bad for making her nervous.

“No, it' – it's okay.” she said. “I guess, I think I like women only. Although I haven't done, I mean I've never... but yeah I... I'm a lesbian” she finally said.

A damn broke inside of her and she wanted to laugh, scream, cry and throw up at the same time. She heard a mix of “Ha! Good for you” and “I'll drink to that”, but from far away, as if they came from another room.

She had to get out.

“Excuse me,” she said standing up and ran to the bathroom.


	4. Drunk drag and pretty girls crying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elsa has a breakdown. Maren gives her support.

Two giggling girls walked past Elsa as they left the bathroom. She just wanted a breather and hadn't taken into account that it was still a public space. At least it was a little quieter.

For a bar bathroom it was rather clean. The walls were painted dark and covered with mirrors of various shapes and sizes. Elsa looked at her fragmented reflection and tried to get a hold of her emotions.

She couldn't afford to have a panic attack, not here, not among strangers, not without Anna. Anna whom they would have to call if it got really bad. Unless she passed out and nobody ever found her and she died there and they had to call Anna eventually anyway and explain to her why she had been there in the first place.

The sound of a toilet flushing made her jump up and to Elsa's grateful relief interrupted her spiral. It would have been funny if it weren't so sad. A middle aged woman with short hair and slacks walked out of the stall and Elsa stepped aside to let her use the sink.

“You okay there, hon?” she asked, glancing at Elsa.

Elsa bit her lip and nodded silently. She knew if she opened her mouth she would not be able to keep herself from actually crying. Thankfully she quickly finished washing and drying her hands and left the room without trying to make more conversation.

After checking that she was alone for real Elsa pulled up the sleeves of her blouse and splashed some water on her face. With a deep breath she looked at herself again in the mirror above the sink. The water had messed up her make up but not more than actual tears would have.

No matter how much she wanted to just crawl into a hole and disappear, she had to get out eventually and, she realized with dread, go back and face Honeymaren and Ryder again as she had left all her stuff with them.

Someone else walked in the bathroom, Elsa stepped away from the mirror and quickly pulled her sleeves down. It was Honeymaren.

“Hey, you've been gone along time, are you o-- wait, of obviously you're not okay. What I mean is, do you wanna talk about about it?”

Elsa wanted to answer but just as she had predicted, all that came out were embarrassing ugly sobs.

Maren took one step towards her but Elsa took one back crossing her arms in front of her, hands of her elbows. Maren did not insist and instead went to gather toilet paper from one of the stalls.

“Here,” she said handing it to Elsa. “It's gonna be okay. Just let it out.”

Without a word Elsa gratefully took the paper and pressed it against her eyes until her tears calmed and she could trust her voice again.

“You know it's the first time I said it like this out loud.” She said quietly. “Not even my -- not even my counselor got me to say it. Not for lack of trying.” She added with a sort of mirthless laugh. “I'm not even sure. I should be allowed to say it. Considering I've never... you know.”

Maren didn't say anything right away. She waited for Elsa to raise her head and look at her before speaking in a soft tone.

“There are no rules to it. You have to understand that. No one will judge. Only you can know who you are.”

Elsa nodded. She knew those things. Intellectually.

“Gosh I'm such a fool. I'm twenty six, I've never actually been with anyone and here I am crying in a pub bathroom to a stranger.”

“Hey, I was hoping to rank a little higher than stranger after tonight.” Maren protested, trying to lift the mood, but Elsa wasn't there yet.

“Fine, I'm crying to someone I just met because I finally said out loud something I've known since I was thirteen. So ridiculous.”

"You're in a gay bar bathroom and they have drunk drag on Tuesdays, I think this place has seen more ridiculous things than a pretty girl crying."

In a different situation, Elsa would have loved to dwell on the 'pretty' part of Maren's sentence, she however did manage a timid half sob half laugh at her attempt at humor this time.

"I'm sorry you had to see me like that.” she said.

"Hey, it's okay. I want to be here." Maren said.

"You don't even know me.”

"You're Elsa, you like chocolate and your sister. I admit I don't know your last name or footsize but it does it really matter? You're a junior architect, you love maths, you have a surprisingly sarcastic sense of humour and you're a lesbian."

Another chocked sob escaped Elsa.

"Hey hey, it's okay. Come here."

Maren opened her arms and moved in as if for a hug and Elsa almost let her. "I'm fine," she said instead, taking another step back and rubbing at her eyes with her wrist.

"Okay," Maren said softly. “Here,” she said wetting up some paper under the tap and handing it to Elsa. “Put this on your eyes.”

It was cold and soothing.

"You've been so nice to me.” Elsa said. “I don't know if I deserve that."

"What on Earth would ever make you think you don't?" Maren asked. Elsa remained silent. "For what it's worth I'm really happy you came here tonight."

"Do you really think that?"

"Sure, who else would have been there to team up on Ryder with me? Shall we go back now?"

"I don't know."

"You know you can't stay in here forever."

"I can and I will. I live here now, this is my home.”

"Ah, there you are again. Though I'm pretty sure you won't say that past Tuesday."

Elsa finally gave a small but sincere laugh, then got serious again. “Maybe it's best if I go home so you and your brother can actually enjoy your evening.”

“But we are.” Maren said and leaned again the wall. “Listen Elsa,” she started with a sigh. “What you're going trough right now, we all have. At different paces and with different amount of drama but we all have.”

“I can hardly imagine you having a meltdown in a public bathroom.”

“Well I came out in a different context, different world. But you know, wondering if there's something wrong with you, thinking about you parents and friends reactions, searching for you place, wondering if it's worth it at all. I could go and get anyone, _anyone_ from inside this bar and they'll tell you exactly the same thing.”

“Please don't do it.”

“What I mean is we know how lonely it can be. So trust me when I say you wont get any grief for this. Not here. I promise.”

Elsa wanted to believe her. She just needed a moment to process the idea.

“I'm not used to this.” she finally said and she knew somehow Maren understood she meant having friends, support. “Aren.” She said, as an afterthought.

“What?”

“My last, name, it's Aren.”

“Oh. Well, it's good to know you, Elsa Aren.”

When they got back to their table Ryder was comfortably sprawling on the bench and Maren had to push him away again before sitting down.

“Sorry we left you alone.” Elsa said.

“It's okay, I kept myself entertained,” he said raising a glass that wasn't there before in the direction of a tall blond man seated at the bar and mouthing “Sister” at him. “You're okay though?” he then asked Elsa.

“She's okay,” Maren answered. “Just a bad case of gay panic.”

“Maren!” Elsa exclaimed even though she knew it was the truth.

“Ha! Welcome to the club, sis.” Ryder said.

* * *

When they eventually called it a night Honeymaren and Ryder insisted on waiting for Elsa's Lyft with her.

“So, I had fun tonight,” Maren started as Ryder when to say goodbye to some people he knew from inside.

“Me too,” Elsa answered. “Thank you for, well, you know.”

“Hey, give me you phone,” Maren asked so Elsa did only for Maren to hand it back to her immediately. “Elsa, code?”

The lockscreen was a selfie of Anna pulling a very unflattering face. She had set it up as a prank but joke on her, Elsa had kept it ever since.

“Sorry,” Elsa unlocked the phone and handed it back to Honeymaren.

“There you go, now you have my number. Don't be a stranger, okay.”

“Okay.” Elsa said and quickly searched her contact list to call her. “Don't let me be a stranger.”

She was tipsy enough to overcome some of her inhibitions but still aware that they would be back once it was over.

Maren answered with a smile and immediately saved her number.

They waited in silence for a moment before Maren said. “Text me when you get home? So that I know you made it safe.”

“I will. You too. Text me when you get home.”

“Sure.”

Elsa's ride pulled up she said goodbye and opened the car door.

“Elsa wait,” Honeymaren called and crossed the few steps that separated them. She took both her hands in hers and looked straight into her eyes.

“You know,” she said with a tilt of her head towards the bar, “You belong up here.”

And Elsa believed her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> People going out, in a bar, without masks, after 9pm. I'm writing historical fiction at this point.


	5. My sister says hi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elsa goes home to her family.

As quietly as possible, Elsa hanged her keys on the hook by the door and tiptoed into the apartment. Hopefully no one was waiting for her. The faint glow of a TV screen came from the living room but she could hear no sound. 

Anna and Kristoff had fallen asleep mid cuddle and the Netflix home screen was on.

When she looked at them Elsa often wondered if she would ever get to be like that with someone. But most of the time she was just grateful for Kristoff.

He was reclining on the couch in a position that couldn't be comfortable and Anna was sprawled over him snoring lightly. One of his hands was tangled in her hair, pulling it to the side, drawing Elsa's eyes to the thin discolored line running from Anna's ear to the back of her neck. The scar had faded over time, but she knew.

She gently shook Kristoff's shoulder.

"Hey,"

He stirred and opened one Eye. "Elsa?" he groaned still half asleep. "You look good. Did you cut your hair or something?"

Elsa chuckled, softly so as not to wake Anna up. "Or something."

* * *

By the time Elsa had recovered from her bathroom breakdown and finished a second drink the mood had shifted to a more festive one people had spread out and turned any free space into a dancefloor. It wasn't long before the Nattura twins had pulled her from her seat despite her “I don't dance” protest.

“Come on Elsa, let down your hair!” Ryder had called as they were comically prancing around to Africa by Toto.

Elsa had been pleasantly buzzed, the music had loud and Honeymaren's hand in hers soft and warm.

“You know, what, okay.” she had said and literally pulled off her hairband before joining them.

* * *

"She had a presentation today, we watched The Good Place." Kristoff whispered.

Elsa looked at Anna once more with a fond look. Barely a few weeks into her Poli Science Masters degree and Anna was giving it everything. At least one of them would have made Father proud.

"It's past midnight,” she told Kristoff, “You should get to bed or you'll regret it in the morning."

"Yeah."

Elsa switched the TV off as Kristoff untangled himself from her sister. He picked her up in a bridal carry while Elsa held the bedroom door open. For a moment they thought Anna would wake up but she only snuggled closer to his chest.

"Did you have a good time tonight?" he asked softly while tucking Anna in on her side of the bed.

"Yes. Yes I did. Goodnight Kristoff."

"Goodnight Elsa."

* * *

Elsa finished brushing her teeth and was pouring herself another glass of water when her phone buzzed. 

> _Maren:_ Hey you didn't text  
>  Did you get home yet?

> _Elsa:_ Hey, sorry I was about to text.  
>  I was just talking to my sister's fiancé. But yes I'm home safe don't worry. You?

> _Maren:_ We just got home. I think Ryder's gonna have a terrible headache tomorrow.

> _Elsa:_ And so will we probably. You should drink some water.

It wasn't as if they had ended up doing shots or anything but better safe than sorry. They weren't twenty anymore and Elsa knew the repercussions any amount of alcohol could have.

> _Maren:_ Always so sensible even now

Elsa switched off the lights in her room and climbed into her bed without letting go of her phone.

> _Elsa:_ You'll thank me tomorrow.

> _Maren:_ Maybe  
>  Or maybe I'll just wake up because I need to pee in the middle of the night and curse you down three generations.

Elsa could picture the mischievious smile she had to be wearing.

> _Elsa:_ Go to bed.

> _Maren:_ You're bossy  
>  I like that

Elsa didn't answer, only smiled secretly at the screen. She was about to close her eyes when another text came.

> _Maren:_ I think we should hang out again soon  
>  for real

Without warning warmth spread through her and Elsa let out a little squeal. She was too tired and still a little too tipsy to stop it. A good thing Anna was out cold.

> _Elsa:_ I would like that.

It was like summer camp: intense, instant connection and vows of eternal friendship, Elsa though, though she had never actually been to summer camp to tell. And Maren would end up forgetting about her the very next day. But tonight she would go to bed with the idea that for a moment someone liked her for her.

* * *

Elsa fell asleep with her phone lying right next to her head and when she woke up she had a few new messages.

> _Maren:_ Seems like you're in luck  
>  I slept like a baby through the WHOLE night and Ryder wants to die  
>  No I can make fun of him  
>  I guess no family curse for you today 

The warmth from the night before came back. Elsa stretched and smiled before forcing herself to get out of bed. She could hear Kristoff in the kitchen.

He did not really live there, but he did not not live there either. He did have his own place, _“a rathole really”_ , on the other side of town that he went to when Anna or him needed some time alone, usually him. Like Elsa he had grown up unaccustomed to human contact for a while and old habits died hard. But most of the time he was with Anna where Anna wanted to be. And so far Anna wanted to be with Elsa.

Elsa had feared, at first, when Anna and Kristoff's relationship started to grow and last, that Anna would want them to have their own place. But so far, even after getting engaged she had yet to mention it. Though she loved Kristoff, Elsa and her had too much time to make up for still, she had explained once when Elsa had tried to breach the subject with her. That and the fact that it was the first place that had been completely theirs to make into the home they wanted.

Elsa couldn't see herself moving out of it anytime soon either.

“Hey Kristoff.” Elsa poured herself a cup of coffee from the batch her had made.

He was standing at the stove, already dressed and ready to go. Sick animals didn't care if it was the weekend or not.

“Pancakes?”

“Yes please.”

Elsa's phone buzzed as she sat at the kitchen table.

> _Maren:_ Also Good morning :D I hope you slept as well as I did.  
>  How could I ever repay you for your good advice last night?

The warmth was there again, but it was also Elsa's turn to respond and in the morning light she wasn't quite sure how to anymore.

> ~~Hello Goood morning. I slept well. How about you?~~

She was terrible at this.

Kristoff worked silently at the stove. He wasn't the best cook, his attempt at Christmas dinner last year had left some painful memories, but breakfast he could do.

> ~~Can you make pancakes?~~

A she quickly erased her text again, a soft “Morning!” came from behind Elsa followed by a yawn and Anna walked in. She was still half asleep, her tangled hair shooting out in every directions. “Hey Elsa,” she yawned again and hugged Elsa from behind.

Elsa accepted the physical mark of affection by reaching and squeezing the arms around her shoulders.

Anna took it as an invitation to bury her face in the crook of her neck. She breathed in and gave a little hum. She held the hug so long Elsa thought she had actually fallen asleep again. Then she let go just enough to be able to speak, her breath on Elsa's face. “I didn't hear you come home last night.”

“Ew Anna, morning breath,” Elsa gently pushed her away. “You didn't brush your teeth. And yeah, I came home late. There were a lot of things to discuss.” She said remembering the little white lie she had told about a business dinner concerning a big public contract.

“No one brush their teeth before breakfast.” Anna protested.

She had a point, Elsa certainly didn't do it. That being said she didn't make anyone smell her breath either.

Anna walked up to Kristoff with a sweet “Morning, babe,” and a kiss which he accepted. “See, Kristoff doesn't mind.” She said with a smug look directed at Elsa. 

“Kristoff also spends his days around stinky animal smells.” Elsa said. Banter wasn't that hard after all.

Kristoff put the pan down to hand Anna a cup of coffee.

> _Elsa:_ Good morning

Of course Anna would notice Elsa typing. “You're in a good mood today,” she remarked. “Who are you texting?”

"A friend." Elsa said.

"Friend? You? You made a friend?"

Really, Anna did not need to sound so shocked, Elsa though, but she could understand her surprise, she had been too

"Yeah, well. Not really a friend. Maybe. Just someone I huh... met … at the company dinner. Yes, I 'm texting someone I met at the company dinner yesterday, that I made friend with. At the company dinner." she finished lamely praying to every god in existence that Anna would not choose this time to pry.

They must have heard her because Anna only smiled and said. "Great! It's about time you met new people! Tell her I say hi?"

Elsa froze and looked up at her.

"What? Friend of yours are friends of mine, so tell her I say hi."

"Why would you think it's a she? I never said that!

"Geez, jumpy much? In all my life you never as much as mentioned a guy acquaintance let alone friend. So I just assumed.”

“Well there's Kristoff.”

Anna didn't even deign answer and only gave her the _look_.

Elsa refused to back down and held her gaze.

“Unless...” Anna started in a low tone Elsa wasn't sure she liked. “Unless I am wrong,” she gasped. "Elsa am I wrong? Did you meet a guy?!" she asked excitedly.

And Elsa had to admit defeat.

"No, Anna. No. You were right, It's a girl. Maren.

Anna did not seem phased or disappointed by her answer, "Oh, okay then. Tell Maren I say hi." 

That at least gave her something a little more consistent to say.

> _Elsa:_ My sister says Hi.

> _Maren:_ Tell her I say hi too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can only hope I did Frohana justice in this chapter. Icebros is truly one of my favorite dynamic. I really love how, starting from Frozen Fever, Anna and more importantly Elsa welcome him into their family, but also how he lets them have all the space they need to mend their own relationship. I'm glad I'm not attracted to men because Kristoff set the bar so damn high!


	6. Summer fun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Self doubt creeps in again when Maren invites Elsa to a get together.

Okay but what was Elsa supposed to do next? How did one “keep in touch”?

On one hand it was _Maren_ , they had shared so much last night that she felt like they had known each other forever, on the other other hand they had just met _last night._ They were for all intent and purpose basically still strangers, acquaintances at best.

Elsa had read somewhere that you needed to spend between thirteen and forty hours with someone to develop actual friendship. There were scientific studies. She had barely spent four hours with Maren. Did texting count?

Should she be forward and discuss it with her? Something like: _I told my sister you were my friend. I just wanted to make sure it was okay with you because I really want us to be that and..._ and what? This wasn't second grade anymore.

Not that she had ever been any good at making friends back then either.

Going to Anna for advice wasn't an option of course.

For one she had retreated to her own bedroom to work on a sociology essay due on Tuesday. “Don't give me any opportunity to get distracted” she had instructed Elsa, “You know I don't have any willpower. And I will blame _you_ if I have to pull another all-nighter.”

And, more importantly, Elsa would have to explain the whole situation and she really, really, did not want to do that.

New texts came in rapid succession.

> _Maren:_ Ryder says hi too  
>  tho Im not completely sure  
>  Sounds more like an animal dying  
> 

Then there was a picture of Maren's brother holding his head flat against their table, shielding his eyes from the sun light.

Making fun of Ryder it was, then.

* * *

Despite Elsa's initial doubts, Honeymaren made texting feel easy. All Elsa had to do was to follow her lead. She was fun and witty and never made her feel awkward or misunderstood. When a conversation came to a natural end they just took a break until Maren started anew a few hours later with a random thought and meme, so many memes!

She sometimes told her about other people in her life, people Elsa did not know, that she mentioned just like that because they had done something cute or stupid or beautiful. For a fleeting second they were real to Elsa. A glimpse at what being part of an actual network of people would feel like.

In Maren's world the boys had crisis after crisis over other boys -- Ryder's were indeed legendary. Girls had messy breakups with their girlfriends or moved in together and adopted demon cats. They was that trans person who after being kicked out by their family was having a housewarming party and the invite was the most random, funny thing Maren had ever received.

As a teen who spent _a lot_ of unsupervised time online, Elsa had of course consumed massive amount of queer media, even those with the most obscure subtext. But it had always felt distant, unreal. And now, thanks to Maren, it was wasn't.

There was a bunch of actual living breathing people out there who were a little bit like her and, Maren had told her, she belonged with them. They might have been more than tipsy at the time but Elsa refused to forget it.

It went on for about a week. If Anna ever said anything about Elsa spending more time on her phone than she usually did, she could always pretend it was work stuff. They were, after all, in the middle of negotiating an important contract and Anna knew it.

* * *

Then came Friday night and between two texts involving a horse, a hospital and John Mulaney, Honeymaren asked Elsa what her plans were for the weekend.

> _Maren:_ Because Ryder and I are hanging out with some friends on Sunday and I was wondering if you'd like to join

Elsa's first reflex, surprisingly, was to say yes.

It would be so nice to see Maren again, and Ryder too. To get those additional hours towards friendship, spend the day with them, laugh at their antics and get to know some of their... friends.

Eventually familiar dread settled in Elsa's stomach.

It was everything she had been dreaming of since the bar, but it was too much too soon and she started to panic. Again.

Despite what Anna had believed for years, Elsa didn't actively want to be left alone. In fact she would very much like to actually know people, but it was getting to that point she had a problem with. Just because she had lucked out with Maren and her brother, didn't mean meeting their friends would go as smoothly.

Surely Elsa would say something embarrassing, miss a joke or make a fool of herself in front of Maren.

There was also the possibility that Maren only invited her to be polite and she would spend the day stranded with strangers who had no space for her in their group dynamic.

She had already stepped out of her comfort zone the night she met Maren, she didn't have the energy to do it again so soon after.

But wouldn't it be impolite to refuse? How could Elsa explain all that to Maren without sounding like, well, a cold-hearted bitch? She wished real life had the option to say "I'm sorry I'm not comfortable with that" without it calling for further questioning./p>

One more text let her know that Maren and her friends were planning to go to the lake for one last chance at summer fun. So another reason to stay away. It was probably a sign.

From an early age Elsa had always had an affinity with water. On a few occasions Mother had had to forcefully remove her from the swimming pool. The threats of Elsa turning into a mermaid if she stayed any longer were rather useless as it sounded like the most wonderful of fate at the time. Her favorite place to swim though was the natural stream that ran at the back of the park where her parents knew where to find her even during the coldest months.

But then _it_ had happened.

The last two times she went near a natural body of water were unpleasant experiences to say the least. Anna would probably freak out if she learned Elsa was even considering it.

> _Maren:_ It's okay if you already have something on. It was a last minute plan. I just wanted to put it out there.

Unknowingly Maren gave Elsa an out.

> _Elsa:_ As a matter of fact, yes, sorry, I have something with Anna and Kristoff.  
>  Sorry.

For the first time in her life Elsa had been explicitly invited somewhere that wasn't for work by someone who wasn't her sister and she was turning it down.

> _Maren:_ Ok, Hope you have fun  
>  And as I said, it's okay. No worries

And just like that the subject was dropped.

If Anna noticed Elsa was distracted during game night she never said anything.

* * *

Anna and Kristoff had really invited Elsa to join them on a hike. However Elsa wasn't going with them. Just like she hadn't the last time they had offered, and all those before.

As much as she loved the mountains, it was Kristoff's thing that Anna loved sharing him, Elsa would hate encroaching on their time together. But they always offered, so all in all what she had told Honeymaren about having something planned wasn't a lie per se.

Then why did she feel so bad about the whole thing?

Anna must have sensed some of her inner doubt because she sure was taking her sweet time leaving. At this pace it would be well past noon before they even made to the foot of the mountain.

"I'll be fine. You know I always am." Elsa told her, ignoring the way her stomach churned and the bile rose in her mouth.

If Anna and Kristoff did not leave soon, like right now, she would have to go lock herself in her room to ride it out and no one wanted that.

"Ok", Anna said, placing a kiss on Elsa's forehead and grabbing her stuff. "Be good, don't do anything I would do."


	7. Definitely not

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elsa doesn't flirt.

Elsa cleared out her work space, did a few wrist and elbow warmups and plugged in her earphones. There had been a few texts in the morning but since then nothing. 

There was a chance Honeymaren was disappointed by Elsa's absence, but a greater one that she did not care.

Elsa also noticed that she had not asked or commented about her professed plans. It probably meant she knew Elsa had not been completely honest, and that she did not want to have anything more to do with her after that.

And even if none of that was true, she was with her friends and had no reason to be thinking about texting Elsa.

Honeymaren had reached out, offered a way to keep in touch in person and Elsa had refused it without offering any alternative. It had to be the summer camp moment, the one after which she would give up trying and they would drift apart until they were nothing but memories to each other.

Thankfully Elsa had her project to focus on and there was a lot to do. Her company had been selected to design the new public library. Not that Elsa was late on her work or anything, in fact they were still at the contract negotiation stage, nothing had been greenlighted yet. But she wanted to be have a few designs ready whenever she would need to present something.

And suddenly it was 5 pm and Elsa had barely drawn anything more than the general shape of a building.

In the end it was probably a good thing her doomed attempt at friendship with Honeymaren stopped there. The sooner it ended for good, she sooner she would get over it and back to her normal life.

So when Elsa's message notification light started flashing her heart skipped a beat. It could have been spam or Anna but it wasn't.

Maren had sent her a selfie.

She was standing close to the objective, the beach and the lake behind her. Her hair was in its usual braid only a little messy, and she was wearing what looked like a black sports bra or a very practical bathing suit. Rays of sunshine bounced on her skin making it look like she was literally glowing.

In the background Elsa could see Ryder and two women she did not know. A tall pale woman in a grey loose t-shirt, with dark hair in a short bob, and a skinny teenager in shorts holding herself up on crutches All three of them were pointing and laughing at Honeymaren while she looked nothing but carefree and happy. The caption read _"Wish you were here!" ___

____

____

Maren hadn't forgotten about her and she looked beautiful and if Elsa had had just a little more self confidence she would have told her so. Though she didn't want to sound like she was flirting, she wasn't flirting with Maren. She didn't know how. And Maren probably had tons of people to flirt with already, there was no reason she would want Elsa to.

> _Elsa:_ It's a beautiful picture.

The next one was a lot less so.

It was a close up of an angry Maren, taken from a very, _very_ unflattering upward angle.

> _Maren:_ check this dork out lmao

Maren looked as if she had been pushed into sand face down. Something Elsa refused to identify was dripping down her cheek and onto her chin.

> _Maren:_ Dammit Ryder stole my phone  
>  Please delete this picture  
>  gonna kill my brother, ttyl

* * *

Gerda had been disappointed.

She did not say so explicitly but Elsa knew. She hated when Gerda was disappointed.

Mostly because no one liked to be called out on their shortcomings of course. But also because she hated disappointing people, period. She didn't want Gerda to think she didn't care. She wanted to do good at therapy and lying to others and to yourself to get out of social situations was not doing good at therapy.

So Elsa promised not to do that next time. She was allowed to ask details so as to avoid bad surprises like the lake would have been but if she ended up turning down another opportunity she would have to be honest about the reason why.

 _If_ there ever was another opportunity. The ongoing texts from Maren was maybe a good sign that there would be. But she could also be trying to let Elsa down gently without being too abrupt. She seemed like the kind of person to be nice like that.

Then Gerda made what was probably the worst, most preposterous, suggestion of her whole career, even worst than the “go to a gay bar and try to socialize by yourself” one.

She told Elsa to make sure there actually was another opportunity by being the one to create one. Which, no. Absolutely not.

But she also made some good points, like when she said that friendships should be two way and if she wanted it to go on she had to let Maren know she was in it too. If Elsa had doubts about Maren wanting her in her life then Maren probably had the same ones about Elsa.

Or when she remarked that Maren sounded like everything but a pushover and if she actually didn't want to see Elsa anymore she would tell her so and Elsa would know for sure and be able to move on.

And more importantly Gerda had mentioned that that way Elsa would be able to make sure it was in a comfortable setting for her, decide how long it would last and choose a time that would allow her adequate time to process and prepare beforehand.

She could offer to meet at the Dark Sea for example, now that she knew it a little she wouldn't feel so out of place. And to be fair it was the only thing she could think of. She couldn't very well ask Maren to tag along on her weekend plans since, well, she never really had any. 

As it turned out Anna and Kristoff had a date night planned a few days away. It would be the perfect opportunity to go out without having to explain anything. It was also a Thursday, so not Drunk Drag night. And both Maren and her had to work on Friday, so she would be able to leave early without it feeling like she was trying to bail.

Gerda's last bad idea had turned alright eventually so maybe this one wasn't a terrible one either. 

> _~~Hey have you been thinking about~~ _

_  
_

Elsa discarded the text, she was in charge of the invitation, she had to sound like it.

> ~~Hey, so would to like to maybe hang out sometimes maybe?~~

That was too vague and too much like an an awkward teenager trying to (badly) ask her on a date. Elsa was awkward but she wasn't a teenager and she definitely wasn't trying to ask Honeymaren on a date.

> ~~Hey I feel bad I missed out on the lake, would like to catch up~~

No, too desperate for human interactions.

> ~~You, me, Thursday night, Dark Sea?~~

Elsa laughed as she deleted this one. So terribly cringy!

She had to make the invitation clear and explicit without sounding too eager, but not commanding either, maybe imply that she was otherwise busy and that Maren was definitely not all she had been thinking about for the past two weeks.

No matter what, she had to play it cool.

> _Elsa:_ Hey, I have some free time next Thursday night and I was thinking about going to the Dark Sea, any chance I'll see you there?

Elsa hit _send_ and quickly put away her phone, put it down on the coffee table and rushed across the whole apartment to her bedroom where she finally caught her breath.

She managed to distract herself by checking her emails but only for a few minutes. She opened a new project, but she couldn't focus. Anna's yoga poses and Gerda's breathing exercises mainly just gave her mind enough space think about all the ways Maren's answer could go wrong.

Half an hour later she had retrieved her phone.

> _Maren:_ Great idea!  
>  ...

The three dots indicated that Maren was still typing so Elsa waited.

> _Maren:_ Ryder has something that night tho

Elsa's heart sank. If Ryder could not be there then Maren would probably pass too. To be honest Elsa liked Ryder but she wouldn't mind having Honeymaren to herself. She had not mentioned him in the invitation at all, she also realized with a little guilt, so maybe Honeymaren would get the hint without Elsa having to explicitly says she'd be happy if it was only her.

But wouldn't it be weird for it to be just the two of them? There would be no sibling bickering to rely on when the conversation died down as it surely would, since Elsa was so bad at it. Maren had every reasons to avoid an awkward evening, and Elsa was in no place to hold it against her, especially considering she had done it first herself.

Two other texts came in quick succession before Elsa could send herself into full panic mode.

> _Maren:_ But I'll deffinitely be here  
>  And my friend Cass too

So Maren had indeed been dreading a one to one evening as much as Elsa had and she had found the perfect parade.

> _Maren:_ If it's okay with you.

Elsa wasn't that clueless, she knew it wasn't an actual question. It wasn't up to her to decide who Maren hanged out with and it was perfectly normal for her to want to see her other friends. That was what normal healthy people usually did, Elsa had to remind herself. They met friends with other friends and made friends with their friends' friends. That was how humans had always made it through life. It was her who was the anomaly.

> _Elsa:_ Sure! Let's meet there around 8!

Elsa had just trapped herself into a night with a stranger and she couldn't even blame anyone else for it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooo, looks like it's lockdown season 2 here since yesterday. Will that give me more time to write this? Most probably. Will I actually do it? Well......


	8. Healthy and normal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elsa meets Maren's friend. Maren makes terrible jokes.

Gerda had been right, picking a familiar setting had made it a lot easier. Elsa had made it to the bar and even inside without feeling like she was about to throw up, and she thought about chickening out and going home only once.

Maren was already there. Alone, she noted with some guilty relief.

"Hey you made it," she greeted Elsa.

"Yes, hi, it's good to see you." Elsa said. Being in Honeymaren's presence again was easy. And a little weird. Weird that it was so easy. "Did your friend no make it?"

"Ha no, Cass is getting off work a little later." Maren checked her phone. "She should be here soon. I did not get you anything," she said pointing at her own beer. "I saw how particular you were about people touching your drinks so... which, good reflexes to have, by the way, especially since you didn't seem really used to that scene." She commented with an awkward chuckle.

"Someone put something in my sister's glass once." Elsa said immediately feeling terrible for bringing such a depressing subject up."

"Oh no, was she..." Maren asked without asking.

"She was alright." Elsa answered. "Someone noticed and, well everything was fine in the end." In reality it was a lot more complicated than that but... "But you know, not a very fun memory. It made us more aware. Maybe a little too much. I'm sorry."

"No! As a said good reflexes! Everyone should have it too." Maren said. "Aaaanyway I asked Chloé before you got here and they have a Shiraz you might enjoy, since, you know, you told me you liked good wine. Do you want me to go and get it for you?"

Elsa had barely started to recover from her inner embarassement the last time she was there and Honeymaren was mentioning it like it was nothing. Elsa had mixed feelings about it. A lot of feelings, that had to be said, but mixed one.

She took a glance at the bar. It was a lot less busy than the last time, with only one person behind it – Chloé, Elsa assumed – who was currently keeping herself busy by wiping the counter with a rag.

"No, I think I can do it this time." Elsa said.

Honeymaren raised a closed fist in encouragement. "Of course you can, I believe in you!" she exclaimed in mock encouragement.

Elsa only rolled her eyes in answer which earned her a burst of laughter. This all thing had no business being that easy.

* * *

Elsa had almost forgotten about Maren's friend when a stranger walked up to them. It was the same woman Elsa had seen in the background of the lake picture, now wearing a black leather jacket over another grey sweater and dark jeans that showed off her thin but muscular build.

"Cass, hey." Maren said.

They had picked a corner booth with a semi circular bench so she scooted over towards the middle and closer to Elsa. The newcomer slid next to her with practiced ease, not even bothering to put down her glass until she was sitting opposite Elsa. She moved like the kind of people who knew what they were doing in life. The kind of people who had no time for people like Elsa.

"Hi, I'm Cassandra," she introduced herself. "And you must be Maren's new stray."

Cassandra voice was low but not soft. She spoke slowly and clearly with all the assurance of someone who knew the others were listening.

"I'm Elsa," Elsa managed to choke out. She had a perfect view of deep dark green eyes and flawlessly painted lips. There was also that one curl falling her forehead that Elsa had a hard time taking her eyes off.

"I know, Maren talks a lot about you." Cassandra said.

"She does?" It came as a strangled squeak and Elsa tried to hide her embarrassment by taking a sip of her wine.

It sounded a little unreal that Maren had mentioned her to her friends. To say what? Tell them about the time she had to do crisis support in a bathroom to the weird girl she had just met probably.

"Only good things."Maren assured her with a little laugh.

Elsa doubted there were that much good things to say about her but she shook the thought from her head she pointed at Cassandra's choice of drink.

"You like scotch too?" She started without stuttering. Gerda would be so proud of her the. _She_ was so proud of herself there.

"Yeah, they have a few decent ones here." Cassandra answer while taking a sip. "But if you want the good stuff you should check out Dun Broch. Merida runs it, she's a 'true tae god real Scottish lass'." She said making a point of rolling her r's and rounding her o's.

Honeymaren made a face. “You don't like whisky?” Elsa asked.

“Oh no, I do like it. My _wallet_ doesn't." Maren explained.

“True, Good whisky is expensive.” Elsa said. There had to be several thousand of dollars gathering dust in Father's cabinet. Elsa wondered if Honeymaren, and Cassandra, would enjoy it?

“Whereas beer,” Maren started.

“Is disgusting no matter how much it costs!” Cassandra finished for her. Her dry tone was met with a punch on her shoulder and Elsa retreated into silence to watch the two interact.

Apparently Cassandra and Honeymaren knew each other form the security company. Her dream had always been to go to police school and make it to head officer like her father before her, but for some reasons he had always been reluctant to let her try.

Elsa briefly wondered how Maren and her managed to become friends in the first place. Where Maren was welcoming warmth, Cassandra all was dry wit and intimidating glares. But they also had comfortable rhythm, not unlike the one Maren had with Ryder. Maybe it was a Maren thing after all.

Of course here was the fact that they were both attracted to women too.

Cassandra was single, as Maren mentioned and, wait, when Cassandra talked about that whisky place was it to hint that they should go _together_? Was she trying to flirt with Elsa then, or whatever that was called? Most probably not, that would be ridiculous.

"Anyway, all I'm saying is that you were most definitely a jock and you should accept it already. Right Elsa?"

"Huh, what?" While she was having a mini crisis inside Maren and Cassandra had moved onto another subject.

"I am entirely convinced that our friend here was her high school's jock but she refuses to admit it. What do you think?" Cassandra explained.

A picture of Honeymaren in a varsity jacket flickered through Elsa's mind and, well, it did make a lot sense.

"I keep telling you we don't have the same high school culture."

"What was your thing, then? Reindeer racing?" Cassandra asked.

"Mostly yes, actually. Also climbing trees and spear fishing to eat around the campfire." Maren answered, with clear sarcasm.

"I always forget that you're not from here. You barely have an accent." Elsa commented pensively.

"What can I say? I'm a—"

"Oh no!" Cassandra blanched and even Elsa knew they were about to hear something stupid.

"--cunning linguist!" Maren finished proudly.

"As, as I said, Jock." Cassandra deadpanned.

"Okay, sure, I like working out, so what? Can we talk about something else now?"

"And you also kind of say a lot of dumb stuff too." Cassandra added.

Elsa couldn't help but snort which led to an offended gasp from Honeymaren.

"And what about _you_ miss fancy blouses and blazers? You're way too polite and smart to be anything but the preppy one!" she told Elsa.

"Well I did go to a private boarding school for most of high school so I suppose.... But I think I was more like a nerd among them. I never really made any friends." And once again, she was bringing the whole mood down. Couldn't she say anything right just for once?

"I still find it hard to believe that no one wanted to be your friend." Maren said. "Was it because of the gay thing?

Elsa shrugged.

"Well no one knew about that actually. It was more like the weirdo who keeps to herself thing. I guess it was mostly my fault though. It's hard to make connexions when..." Elsa trailed off.

"When you don't feel like you deserve to make one.” Cassandra completed. Elsa blinked in surprise. Could it be that Cassandra's perceived aloofness was, like hers, mistaken self doubt rather than actual self righteousness.

"You're looking at the resident scary goth kid." Cassandra explained. "Not even the weirdos wanted anything to do with me." She said.

"Great!" Maren exclaimed, apparently eager to move away from the conversation. We almost have a full Breakfast Club, Ryder is definitely the loser, we're just missing the preppy one.

"Anna can be it." Elsa said. "My sister," she explained for Cassandra. She's always been so good with people. You know socializing is 'like her stuff'", she said straining her voice to imitate Anna's actual intonation.

"She sounds intense!" Cassandra commented. Understatement of the year.

"She is." Elsa answered. "In a good way."

"And you sound fond of her." Cassandra also commented. There was no judgment in her tone. Only truth.

"She is everything." Elsa said in earnest.

Cassandra gave Honeymaren a pointed look that Elsa unfortunately did not miss.

"I'm sorry, is there something wrong?" She asked with a frown.

"Nothing" "No" they both answered at the same time.

"I mean, no, nothing's wrong." Maren said, sending Cassandra a darker glare and a kick from under the table. "We were just huh..."

"Jealous," Cassandra finished. "I always wanted a sibling but never got to have one and Maren can only wish she had that with Ryder."

"I mean, I love him, I guess, but mostly I just want to strangle him, you know?"

Oh yeah, sometimes Elsa forgot that this was how healthy sibling relationships worked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in two days wow !  
> Anyhow, I forgot to mention, hmu on tumblr if you want to chat, same username.


	9. Siblings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anna and Elsa have a healthy sibling relationship. Elsa watches gay Netflix. Maren is a saint.

Healthy sibling relationship also meant invading each other's space, if Anna had any say in it.

The sound of enthusiastic stomping down the corridor was Elsa's only warning. She barely had time to close Netflix and pick up a book before her sister dramatically flopped down upon her.

That was a thing they did now, apparently.

"Hey Elsa, watcha doing, I'm bored?" Anna whined, her entire body sprawled sideways across Elsa's, her legs dangling from the side of the bed.

Honeymaren had talked Elsa into watching She-ra and live comment with her. Luckily it was accessible from the default children account no one used. Elsa still made a mental note to erase it from the list afterward, just in case.

"Hey Anna, I was just, er, relaxing actually."

"Relaxing?" Anna asked with an incredulous frown. She stole on of Elsa's pillows to support her head and took a look at Elsa's book. "Ha, nevermind." she said.

In her haste Elsa had grabbed an essay on advanced structural architecture.

Just as Anna was about to say something else Elsa's phone buzzed right next to her head, twice. Anna had heard it too and was looking towards it with narrowed eyes. There was no way Elsa could ignore it.

> _Maren:_ Adora is so dumb I love her asdgjhfjgsk  
>  Also Netossa is the bess!

"Sorry, gotta take that." Elsa said.

> _Elsa:_ My sister just came home. Have to stop watching, will talk later.  
>  Please no spoiler

Elsa texted hastily hoping Maren would leave her alone for a moment. Her phone buzzed again.

> _Maren:_ BUT THERES ONLY 3 EPISODES LEFT

"Hey who are you talking to?"

"No one."

> _Maren:_ Am I supposed to wait for you ?! HOw can you do this to me!!??

Anna squirmed around to try and get a peak of Elsa's phone.

"Ouch," Elsa yelped as her sister's hipbone dug painfully into her belly. "Anna stop!"

"Tell me who's texting you and will." She demanded with a grin.

"Alright, alright," Elsa conceded, putting the phone away as far as she could just in case Maren sent her something compromising in the meantime.

"Remember about three weeks ago, that person I met at the company dinner," she asked biting her lip.

"Marianne, of course, it's not everyday my introvert sister makes a friend!"

"Maren. She's telling me about a show she's watching." Elsa admitted.

As much as she loved her sister's energy, Elsa was unprepared for the volume of the squeal she let out and the intensity of the hug that followed.

"So THAT'S who you've been texting all this time! Elsa I was THIS close to calling your boss and yell at them for making you work overtime."

"Sorry I didn't tell you, it's kind of new and I didn't want to mess that up."

Anna crawled off to sit cross-legged half on the bed half on Elsa still. "This is awesome!" she exclaimed. "I bet she's awesome too! I should meet her. When can I meet her? Oh we could invite her to the next game night, I'm sure she'd love to come to game night. Of course she would, game night is amazing!"

"Anna, wait, no –" Elsa tried to stop her sister excited rambling but Anna only stopped when she heard the front door opening and closing.

"Kristoff!" She hollered not moving from her spot. "We're hanging out in Elsa's room."

"No we're not!" Elsa shouted after her, knowing full well it was useless. A few seconds later Kristoff appeared leaning at the door.

"Hey Love, hey Elsa. What's happening here?" He asked. Honestly, his ability to remain ever so calm in the face of Anna's antics impressed Elsa every day.

"We're having a friend of Elsa's over, next Friday for game night!"

Defeated Elsa let her head drop back against her pillow with a groan.

"Cool, I'll make lasagna. Is beer alright or should I get more of the fancy wine?"

"Beer is fine," Elsa drawled with a sigh. "And I can get my own wine. Also we should invite her brother too." she added. She was sorry for Ryder, but at least Maren wouldn't have to suffer alone.

The sound Anna let out was not human "Wheeeeeee! _Two_ of Elsa's friends!" She shouted, jumping on the bed so hard a pillow flew up and smacked Elsa in the face. "Right!" She then exclaimed, bouncing off with renewed excitement. "We gotta start planning!"

Just as she was about to storm off the room she turned around towards Elsa. "Tell Maren!" she commanded. "I know all your passwords." She mock whispered, pointing alternatively between Elsa and her own eyes in a _I'm watching you_ gesture.

Elsa picked up the discarded pillow and deliberately pressed it back onto her face to muffle another groan.

"Alright I'm... I'm gonna go and do some damage control." Kristoff quietly announced. "You'll be okay?"

Elsa just laid motionless and waved at him from under the pillow.

Once her room felt quiet and safe again she put the pillow away and sat up to pick up phone. Then she glanced at her tablet. There were three episodes of 24 minutes left. Game night invitations could probably wait and hour or so, and so could straightening her bed.

* * *

> _Maren:_ OMG THAT ENDING!!!!  
>  can you believe that?!

Elsa couldn't.

It wasn't her first time seeing lesbian characters on TV. Not at all. But usually they were secondary ones. And it was in adult themed shows, sometimes quite dark, often sad, and mostly with a lot of unnecessary sex. 

But this, this was incomprehensible. Overwhelming.

Elsa laid on her back in the middle of her messed up bed, her eyes glued to the ceiling as she tried to sort out her feelings.

She had connected with that romance plot in a way she never had before and wanted nothing more than to bask in the glory of its happy ending and yet she couldn't stop a part of her from rejecting it. Her mind was reeling, running over _that_ scene again and again, no matter how hard she wanted to push it down, forget about it, pretend she had not seen it.

What if she had seen it when she was twelve herself? Would she have understood, back then, what it all meant? About the characters, about herself? And what if her parents had caught her watching it?

The mix of emotions were making her nauseous, Anna could walk back in at any time, and her phone wouldn't stop buzzing.

> _Maren:_ THIS WAS THE BEST THING EVER!  
>  THEY WON AND SO DID WE!  
>  But also that was so sweet!  
>  Did you cry? Because I did  
>  only a little  
>  I shouldnt have told you that  
>  Elsa?  
>  You here?  
>  Are you freaking out as much as I am?  
>  I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY DID THAT!  
>  ???  
>  Tell me Anna hasnt swiped you away again I NEED to vent about that ending!

Elsa could barely put her thoughts into word, least of all text them So she did the next right and tapped on Maren's name in her contact list. She picked up after the first ring, of course, she was already on her phone after all.

"Hey are you okay?" she asked right away.

"Maren?" Elsa did not trust her voice yet. But at least Maren would not think she was ignoring her.

"Elsa are you alright?"

"I'm not sure." Elsa said quietly.

"Is something wrong?"

"I... it's real, isn't it? The episode. The ending"

"Of course it is!"

"Have you never seen a lesbian movie or show? Because they're not that rare anymore.

"It says 7+ on netflix."

"I know."

"I don't understand. Can they do that? Where's the catch. Is there gonna be a season 6? Is it gonna be taken off Netflix?"

"Elsa, relax. What are you freaking out about?"

"My parents would never have let me or Anna watch that. It's not something kids should see or know about."

"Why not? They get to see straights kiss all the time. How is this any different?"

"It... it just is. Don't you think they'll get confused?"

"Confused? Okay, this is a hard conversation to have over the phone but tell me. How many years did you stay confused for because the way you felt inside didn't match the models you were shown?"

Maren made a good point, Elsa couldn't deny it.

"Why do you always have such insight about this stuff?"

"Are you telling me you think I'm right?"

"Well I don't know any better to say you're not so..." Elsa mumbled.

"What was that?"

"I said you're not wrong."

"It was a happy ending, Elsa. Just be happy about it okay?"

"Okay."

Elsa was still unconvinced, but she could tell Maren wouldn't be of any more help. It wasn't her job to be anyway.

"So... do you wanna talk some more? Because I was thinking of starting dinner."

"Oh yeah. Sorry."

Elsa had been so caught up in her emotions about the show that she had forgotten she actually had no idea how to have a casual conversation over the phone. Well there was indeed one thing she had to tell Maren, so she might as well do it then.

"Maren, before you go,"

"Yes?"

"You remember earlier on when I said I was speaking with Anna?"

"Yeah?"

"Well she wants to invite you and Ryder over on Friday night" She got out as clearly and quickly as she could manage.

"What?"

Elsa sighed. "We were talking and you were texting so I told her you were my friend," Elsa said quickly hoping Maren could not catch on it. "And now she wants to meet you and she's already started planning and, you know, once she gets and idea, well I didn't now how to stop her and..."

"Elsa,"

"Yeah, sorry. So. Friday night?" Elsa asked. _Please say you're not available, please say you already have other plans._

"For real?"

"Yes?"

"Count me in!" Maren answered with clear excitement in her voice. "I can't wait to meet her! And see your place! And I'll make sure Ryder is her too. He was so disappointed to miss you last time."

"Oh-- okay. I'll text you the details then." Elsa said. The universe was against her. "But Maren..." she started.

"Yes?"

"I still haven't told her about, you know, So..."

"Oh, okay, got ya."

Sometimes Elsa had a hard time believing Maren was real. People were not supposed to be that understanding.

"Thank you."

"Well, goodnight then."

"You as well. Goodnight Maren."

"Hey, Try not to think too much."

"Okay."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone, if you're reading from the US or otherwise concerned about today (let's be honest, American or not, we all are) I hope this chapter helped take your mind off things for a while. 
> 
> I suppose you can all guess when I actually wrote this part. The She-ra thing was only going to be my comic relief / pop culture reference / fandom wink, but then I remembered the mixed feelings I had about LGBT media before I was fully out and comfortable. I could deal with subtext because in the face of "normal" people I could always pretend I wasn't seeing it while still fully engaging with it online. But explicitly gay stories, like the L word that was very popular even among my straight friends at the time, I tended to avoid. Partly because it felt like it was pointing a giant rainbow arrow at me and also because it felt too good to be true. (Also because the L word was cringy as f-- but hey, we worked with what we had.)  
> But I digress. What I meant to say is that I didn't think it would be realistic for a closeted Elsa to fully embrace a canon lesbian ship on a mainstream show right away when she has grown up convinced this part of her identity only belonged to the shadows.
> 
> (Meanwhile Anna is definitely watching it too from the shared Netflix profile and shipping everyone with everyone but Elsa is too blinded by her anxiety to notice.)


	10. Coincidence part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Honeymaren and Ryder come to game night. Elsa learns more about her friends. Friends? Friends.

The fridge was fully stocked with drinks, Kristoff's lasagna were baked to perfection and Maren and Ryder were due any minute now.

It was Elsa's fist time having people – friends – over at her place and Anna's excitement must have spread to her in the end, because she was actually looking forward to it.

Kristoff had taken an actual bath and promised to try and keep the hermit mountain man act to a minimum, and Anna, of course, was a natural at all social interactions. Theoretically noting could go wrong and yet Elsa's calmness didn't feel right. There _had_ to be something.

Their guests arrived just as Anna was place the last snacks on the coffee table. Elsa went to open the door with Kristoff standing beside her. The deal was for him to get a few polite words in before getting to hide in the kitchen, a luxury Elsa didn't have this time. 

"Hi, you're right on time. Did you find it easily?" Elsa asked.

"We did," Ryder answered. "Your instructions were very cl-- Kristoff?" 

"Ryder? Man, what are you doing here?"

"Aw man! Nice to see you! Maren's my sister. What a coincidence, right?"

"Yeah!" Kristoff then stopped and reverted back to his usual people shy self. "Hi, I'm Kristoff, Elsa's future in law," he said shaking Maren's hand a little too enthusiastically to be natural.

"Hi, I'm Elsa's... friend." Maren answered with a cautious glance towards Elsa. Although Elsa had been calling her that in her head for a while they had not actually discussed it together, she was relieved to learn that Maren thought so. But it barely registered, compared to her surprise at the interaction between Kristoff and Ryder.

The two women shared a silent confused look as Kristoff put a hand on Ryder's shoulder and quickly pulled him along into the apartment.

"What just happened?" Maren finally asked quietly.

"Wait, the intern!" Elsa exclaimed, coming back to her senses. "Shit! Maren I'm so sorry, I didn't realize."

"Don't apologize to me, it's kinda funny. Also, did you just swear?"

"Yes! How did I not make the connection? I'm so stupid." Elsa went on still in hushed tones.

"ElsA!," Anna called from the living room. "My fiancé just disappeared into the kitchen with a dark haired clone of himself, and they're talking about a sick elk or something. Are you going to introduce your other friend or should I just get pizza for myself and call it a night?"

At last her initial calmness was gone and replaced with mild panic. Finally something Elsa knew how to navigate.

* * *

“So where do you three know each other from then?”Anna asked the moment everyone had been herded back into the living room. Anna and Kristoff shared an armchair to leave the bigger couch to the twins while Elsa sat down on the floor, closer to the door just in case she needed to go get anything.

Elsa frowned, she had already told Anna about then realized that it was probably what they called an "ice breaker." Anna had always been better than her that at those things. Elsa should have expected that. Maren and Ryder were just as blindsided, as Anna's question was met with silence and cautious stares her way.

"You know, the business dinner I told you about. That's were I met Maren, remember. And Ryder is her brother, that I met afterward?" Elsa said nervously.

"Ah, yes I remember," Anna answer quickly before adressing Maren directly. "So, apparently Ryder here works with my boyfriend – which I still find a crazy coincidence," Everyone nodded at those words. It really was. "but what is it that you do?"

"I work in security" Maren answered at the very same time that Elsa said. "She works for the city planning commission." Both froze. "That we had the dinner with, that night. To discuss the library." Elsa finished.

"Yeah what she said." Maren, confirmed without missing a beat. "I'm in charge of security there."

"Oh I didn't know they had a security service now. I interned for them last summer!" Anna exclaimed. "Do you know Anita Bergsen? She used to bring the best pastries." She asked and Elsa cursed herself for having forgotten about that.

"Doesn't ring a bell, although I'm quite new so I don't know all the names yet." Maren said completely naturally.

Anna looked satisfied with the answer and Elsa made a mental note to thank Honeymaren for this later. Anything she asked for.

* * *

It was always fascinating to see Anna work her magic, how she made people feel welcome and warm, asking questions without getting pushy, adding funny and heartfelt comments from time to time or sharing relatable bits about herself. To Elsa's relief she kept clear of any possible embarrassing childhood memories, not that she had much to tell anyway. And Ryder and Kristoff actually did keep the reindeer talk to a minimum.

Elsa had no problem with reindeer talk, of course, considering how equally interested Maren was in the subject. But she feared the closer Ryder got to Kristoff the harder it would be for him to let go of his crush. She already felt bad that he had to see him every day at work and know that his feelings would never be returned. It was hard to watch him try so hard to flirt especially with Anna in the room. Although Elsa had to respect his guts for it. Or was it recklessness? The worst thing in all this was that Kristoff was too awkward and polite to not respond to Ryder's flirtations, absolutely unaware of the effect it had on him.

“So, Aren, is that Swedish or something?” Ryder asked after a while, taking his eyes off Kristoff probably for the first time that evening. 

"Norwegian," Anna answered. "After some place over there apparently, but we don't know any more than that, I'm afraid." 

"Wait, when you said you were from Europe, you meant from Norway?" Maren asked, confused. "Why didn't you say so?" 

Elsa bit her lips, she had never wanted Maren to feel she had been keeping any information from her. 

"Our parents were, yes. And I don't know," she shrugged. "It didn't seem relevant." All they had ever know was the manor and the different schools they had been sent to, but mainly the manor. Norway had never meant anything more than a line on their parent's passports. 

"It's not as if we had any real connection to it." Anna explained for Elsa. "Our parents didn't really tell us about their lives before here." 

"How curious," Maren, said. "And sad." she added. 

Elsa had never thought of it as 'sad'. She had never thought of it as anything actually. Their parents' history had always been a non-question, never discussed, never even hinted at. There had been no feelings to be had about it at all. 

"Do you think you still have relatives over there?" Maren asked cautiously and Ryder hit her side with his elbow. He was trying to be discreet but Elsa still noticed it, just as she noticed the dark look Maren gave him in response. 

"It's possible," Anna answered pensively, unaware of the silent exchange between the two, "but they never said and we never asked so we will never know." She said, looking at Elsa for confirmation.

Elsa nodded. She had not gotten into details about her parents with Maren and Ryder, but they knew enough to understand why Anna said that.

"There were many things our parents did not talk about." Elsa said quietly. 

As if she could feel her closing off Anna extended her hand to link her fingers with hers and squeezed a little.

"Sorry we asked," Ryder said.

"Well, our parents loved their secrets." Anna said. "Or maybe they just didn't want us to feel out of place here so they made sure we only had the full American experience." It was an explanation Elsa could get behind. "But why do you ask? Have you been there?"

"Been there?" Ryder asked.

"Didn't Elsa tell you?" Maren said. "We grew up there!"

Elsa let out a chocked gasp. "I – well you never said where you were from exactly either. I knew you were from Northern Europe but not where exactly." And she never figured out how to ask without it feeling rude.

"Didn't we?" Maren said. "Oh, well. We're actually Northuldra. We're from Sápmi, it's the northern part of Norway, Sweden and Finland."

"I have never heard of it." Anna said.

"Most people call it Lappland." Maren couldn't help but scrunch her nose as she said it, and Elsa felt it was a sensitive subject for her. "But we don't."

"Ooh, like Santa Claus!"

There was an awkward pause.

"Yeah," Maren breathed "Except we're real," she said bitterly. "Sorry, It's not your fault you don't know. I'll tell you more about it sometimes if you want."

"No, I'm the one who's sorry," Anna said. "I didn't realize. I'd love to hear more about it actually."

There was another pause, warmer this time as Anna and Maren exchanged an understanding nod.

"Well I did know about it a little," Kristoff spoke. "You know, because of the reindeer..."

"Of course you did you're perfect." Ryder blurted out.

"What?"

"I said of course you did, we're the best there is when it comes to reindeer." He boasted to cover for his slip up. "Speaking of, I know your name's Bjorgman, sounds Norwegian too. Maybe you're Northuldra too." He added, earning himself another elbow kick from Honeymaren.

"That would actually explain the 'reindeer thing'." Anna couldn't help but tease her boyfriend.

"Well, that we'll never know either," Kristoff said then explained. "It's not my biological parents' name, I don't know who they are."

"Oh, I didn't know." Ryder said awkwardly.

"It's okay, it's not a sad story! Not at all!" Kristoff said. "I actually got adopted pretty fast, by the best family. You should meet them one day. They're cool, although they can be loud, really loud." He started rambling.

“Kristoff, they are perfect!” Anna interrupted. "It's true they are the best," she said. "And they are kind of my – our family too now..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, Maren and Ryder are actually Sámi in this story. I kept Disney's "Northuldra" too because there's no way on Earth I, a white European, would asign them an actual group when my knowledge of Sámi culture comes from wikipedia and some books.  
> *But* also bear in mind that this is a modern AU, we'll come back to this later.


	11. Coincidence part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elsa has another breakdown, it is Maren's turn to learn a little more – but only a little!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey Chiara and everyone else following this story, today you get TWO updates !

Anna's voice faded in the background as Elsa watched her use her whole body and heart to craft a wonderful tale of love and support. She told Ryder and Honeymaren about how Kristoff happened to be working at Oaken's bar _that_ night, doing odds jobs and delivery to pay for vet school. How he overheard Hans and his fratboy friends talk about the "easy redhead" and saw her wobbling out of the pub with him. How he never hesitated to follow them out and act up the moment she passed out and took her to the hospital. How he and Pabbie and Bulda became an essential part of her life after that. But she never, _never_ mentioned Elsa's part in it. The worst part.

Quietly enough to not interrupt Anna's flow, Elsa threw in a half excuse about wine and discreetly slipped out to the kitchen.

* * *

"Hey,"

Elsa jumped up. Maren had come after her. "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

 _For being a spoilsport, for bailing out, for not being strong enough, for existing?_ It had been a reflex, to be honest, she did not expect Maren to question it.

"I – For – For this evening. For what Anna said. For Ryder, for..."

"Hey, Ryder's a big boy, he can take care of himself. And he's having fun. And Anna, you know we are good. Your sister is amazing."

Of course Maren liked Anna, everyone liked Anna. That was how it had always been. Anna was the Sun, she attracted any body that passed by with her shiny personality and friendly smile while Elsa was nothing but a cold and distant dying star. Eventually even Honeymaren would end up gravitating towards her.

Elsa was not jealous. I was enough to be able to bask in the sun's light every once in a while.

"Yes, she is."

"But you, you've been awfully quiet the whole night. Are you alright?"

"Of course I'm fine."

Maren raised an eyebrow.

Elsa bit her lip. She had been pretending successfully for years with Anna and yet with Maren it never worked.

She was supposed to be the hostess and even that she couldn't get right.

“Is it because you mentioned your parents? I know you never talk about them but were they...”

How to answer without sounding like an ungrateful spoiled brat?

“I think my parents did their best to be good. And they were, Anna has amazing memories.”

“But not you.”

“I think they... sometimes I feel like... like they had given up on me.”

“How so?” Maren asked quietly.

“I – can we drop this? It had nothing to do with them anyway.” Elsa said.

“Okay.” Maren agreed and simply waited.

Elsa threw a quick glance towards the living room to make sure that everyone else was too busy to be eavesdropping.

"When our parents died," she started. "Anna was fifteen and I – I wasn't in the right head space to take care of her. I had already messed up so much before. I wasn't able to take care of myself. So she had to go with child services for a while. And then when I started to get better, well enough to take on that responsibility, she had already aged out of it." She trailed off quietly.

"What does that have to do with Kristoff's –"

"Then I failed her. She reached out and I failed her, again and again. And because of that she was hurt and Kristoff and his family were there for her when I wasn't. Kristoff mostly, but yeah his family too."

"That's not the way she tells it."

"No, it's not. She doesn't want anyone to know that I'm responsible for everything bad that happened to her. She's too good."

"Maybe she doesn't feel that you're responsible at all."

"You don't know what happened." Elsa said a little more forcefully than she would have liked to.

"Would you tell me?" Honeymaren challenged her.

Elsa retreated. "No. I can't." Not yet.

"Then why should I believe your version over hers?" 

"Because – " Because Anna was protecting her like she always did. Covering the truth to protect Elsa's attempt at having friends. Preventing them from seeing her as the villain she was."You don't know us, okay." Elsa said regretting her dry tone on the spot as Honeymaren flinched away.

Since they met she had been nothing but nice and supportive but Elsa had to go and ruin it. It was not even a surprise. All she had ever known was how to be cold and push people away. She knew what Gerda would say: that that was how she had been conditioned to see herself but not necessarily the truth. But how would Gerda explain her present actions then? She had never been made for having friends. The illusion had been pleasant to play along to for a while, but it had always been meant to shatter at some point.

"But maybe I want to." Honeymaren finally said. Softly, a little sadly.

All Elsa wanted was to disappear, again, just so she didn't have to face the shame, of speaking to Maren that way, of what she had done to Anna, of being the way she was.

"Elsa?" Honeymaren called. She did not sound angry.

"Huh?"

"Maybe we should go back to the others now. It's been a while.

Why wasn't she angry?

"Oh, okay."

"And Elsa,"

"Yes?"

"I meant it. I do want to get to know you." Elsa heard Honeymaren say although it didn't make any sense.

"I'm sorry I snapped at you." She answered instead.

"Thank you. Shall we?" She asked gesturing towards where the others were.

But Maren stopped her with the faintest touch on her arm.

"Didn't you come here to get more wine?" She asked.

Elsa grabbed the first bottle she could reach, ignoring Honeymaren's look when she saw the label. That was another another conversation she was far from ready for.

* * *

Ryder and Maren left with hugs and promises to meet up soon, very soon, "like tomorrow soon" on Ryder and Kristoff's part. Elsa was left to clean up the space with Anna, who despite the late hour was running high on sugar energy.

"Oh my god they were so great! I mean, Honeymaren! She's so nice and understanding. Do you know if she's dating anyone? They must be so lucky. No wonder she managed to break through your walls! Not that you're cold, or, whatever – 'cause you're not, of course. I know you're the nicest, warmest person ever, with us. But like, you still don't let people in so easily so – well what I'm trying to say is I just wish we had met them sooner!"

Elsa smiled at her sister's enthusiasm. She could hear the exclamation marks as she spoke.

"And Ryder, he and Kristoff were like two parts of the same being. And I swear Kristoff has like a boy crush on him Kinda freaky if you ask me! If Ryder wasn't a guy I'd be worried!"

Years and years of concealing her feelings had taught Elsa to keep the best poker face in all circumstances. She gave a little laugh. "Yeah, of course. Anna?" 

"Yes?"

 _I'm sorry, just one more more disappointment to go._ "I love you."

"I know."

"Dork."

"I love you too dummy."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maren : "Wow Elsa, you really have a terrible opinion of yourself."  
> Elsa : "Thanks, it's the gaslighting <3"
> 
> Jokes aside, one day Elsa will be able to have a normal conversation with someone.... maybe.
> 
> These last two chapters were the most difficult to write, structurally speaking. I couldn't figure out how to make Anna and the Natturas meeting be more natural without completely outing Elsa. But I also wanted them to know each other before anything else can happen. I hope you enjoyed it nonetheless.


	12. Friendship, community and... a date?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maren takes Elsa out. Or does she?

By mid October Honeymaren took Elsa to a gathering in Millwood park. A woman she knew was holding a fundraisers for her younger sister's surgery. 

Against all odds, Honeymaren seemed to be sticking by her side and Elsa was very happy to keep it like that. Neither of them mentioned that thing they had again – it hadn't been a fight only a tense conversation at best. The Nattura twins became regular guests at the Aren-Bjorgman household and Elsa didn't even feel the crushing pressure of having to entertain strangers in her own space. Maren and Anna got along great and Ryder would never turn down a chance to spend time with Kristoff. 

Gerda had never reacted so positively to anything and Elsa felt proud, but also calm, peaceful. Their sessions remained regular, but it felt more like they could actually work on all her deeper rooted issues instead of using her 45 minutes to unload all the stress, fear, pain and doubts she had bottled up since the last one. She had Honeymaren now for that.

Yet, somewhere in the back of her mind Elsa still wondered why Honeymaren would take her and not Ryder or Cassandra or any other friend. Maybe it was only because she had discovered who and what she was and expected her to chip in. Either she was happy to tag along. And it was a chance for her to do some good in the world for a change.

Agnete, Maren told Elsa, had fallen into a frozen pond as a toddler, her lungs had been ruined and it cut the blood flow to her leg long enough to do irreversible damage. With the surgery they were hoping to have her breathe a little more easily.

It wasn't hard for Elsa to imagine the scene, as a matter of fact it might as well have been unfolding in front of her.

_The sound of something slipping on wet stone, a cry "Elsa!", a crack and then nothing. Water turning red, a motionless body._

“Elsa, Elsa? Were did you go in your pretty head?" Maren called flicking her lightly on the forehead.

Casual physical contact, it was new but it did shake her out of her thoughts and she was able to listen to the rest of the story.

To add insult to injury a few years ago their parent had thrown Agnete's sister, Cali, out when she came out as gay, and Agnete as well a few months later when she spoke out in support of her, leaving them to rely on themselves and a shaky network of friends to support Agnete's health.

“Most of us are broke, you know. But we'll all find a few bucks to spare to help. Because that's the thing you do. Take care of each other.” Maren explained.

One month of shares, Elsa thought, could cover Agnete's entire surgery and then some and what was she doing except hide from the world and worry about Anna?

"Hey, are you cold?" Maren asked as they approached the park.

It wasn't so cool as to cancel an outdoor event, but enough that Elsa could see a few people shivering in their midseason outfits.

"No, I'm okay." Elsa said.

"Oh, alright." Maren spoke quietly, with something a little like disappointment in her voice.

Elsa had never been good with implicit clues. Was Maren cold herself but too polite to say so? What if she expected Elsa to suggest they went somewhere warmer, or offer her own scarf and gloves. But then Elsa would have to assure her that she was fine with less clothes, explain that the cold didn't bother her, that her body had always run at a different temperature than most people. Another quirk of hers she didn't like talking about. Every time she did people couldn't help but say something about her distant personality and it was never funny.

From the corner of her eye Elsa saw Maren send a quick text before putting her phone back in her pocket.

"I think we're here." She said. 

Or maybe it had been nothing, only Elsa's mind overreacting, again.

* * *

There were food and drink stands as well as a few games, like a tiny carnival in the public park.

“Agnete's over there. Let's go say hi.” Maren said, guiding Elsa over to a space set up with a cheap pergola and few garden chairs.

“Hey Maren,” a teenager called when they approached. “Cali went to get more soda, you just missed her.”

“Hey Agnete, how are you doing?” Maren asked as she hugged her hello, and Elsa eventually recognized her as the other girl from the background of Maren's lake picture. “I'll see her later, I'm sure. And this is Elsa.”

“Hi! nice to finally meet you.”

“Finally?” Elsa asked.

Maren coughed.

Agnete grinned.

Elsa could see the glint of mischief in her eyes and all the repressed teenage energy that reminded her of Anna at the same age. And yet, every one of her moves was restrained, carefully calculated to avoid overexertion. 

Anna had been the lucky one.

* * *

“She's so young. How do you know her again?” Elsa asked once they had left Agnete to hang with a few friends her age.

“I was quite close with her older sister.” She said with the smallest hint of a blush. It was the first time since they met that Elsa saw her get embarrassed. "It was just a fling though," she added flippantly. “One among many others.”

"Don't listen to that dork," a familiar voice came from behind them. "If you believe her she has dated the whole town, while we all know for a fact that her and Cali's thing was about an entire year of longing, miscommunication and heartbreaks on both side before one finally made a move. And after that it barely lasted a month.”

“Hey Cass!” Maren exclaimed. “Fancy seeing you here! Look, Elsa, it's Cass!" 

"You invited me over." Cassandra deadpanned, holding out her phone as proof.

“So, okay, Cali and I were together for a few weeks before we grew apart. That was when I was looking for a new job and Agnete got worse so we didn't have enough time for each other. No hard feelings, though, I understand that Agnete came before anything else.”

 _Good,_ Elsa thought, because Anna would always come first to her too. 

“Hey Cassandra, nice to see you.” She said.

“Nice to see you too. You look good.”

“Thank you,” it was Elsa's turn to blush. “You look good too. I like you jacket. It suits you, a lot. Not that I'm looking or anything, because that would be weird and I well, what I want to say it's you're nice to see, It nice to see you. Though I already said that, didn't I?”

Seriously, being a mess was exhausting. How did Anna get away with the rambling all the time?

Cassandra did not seem to notice or care, though. “Thank you.” She simply said.

“Speaking of,” Maren started, “Cali should be around here somewhere now, I'll see if I can find her.” She said, walking of before either Cassandra or Elsa could react.

“Did she just...?” Elsa asked.

“I think she just did.”

“Oh.”

“So... do you want to get some hot chocolate, or hit some of the games?” Cassandra asked casually. 

As a rule, Elsa never turned down hot chocolate. And it wasn't like she knew anyone else there.

* * *

Elsa held the cheap penguin elephant hybrid Cassandra had just won for her at the ring toss. It was definitely ugly and she was already planning to throw it away. But it was ten more dollars towards Agnete's surgery so she considered it a win.

“Maren was right, you're fun!” Cassandra said.

“Well so are you. I always believed those games were rigged.”

“Well they probably are usually but it's not a real carnival so...”

“True.”

“Listen, I have a shift that starts in an hour so I'm gonna need to be on my way but,” Cassandra hesitated, “before I go I want to ask, would you want to do this again sometimes.”

“Sure, why not. I thought it was fun too. Maybe Maren can join us too this time.”

“No I mean, like a, just you and I. like a date.” she said her voice cracking a little bit at the end.

“A date?”

“Yeah.”

“Me?”

“Yes.”

“Oh. Why? I mean, are you sure?”

“I think so, yes.”

“I – I think I need to think about it.”

“Oh. But Maren said – nevermind.”

Cassandra fished a pen and a scrap of paper from the belt pouch she wore.

“Ok then, text me when you've decided then.”

* * *

“Hey, so, I see you had a good time with Cass.”

Cassandra and Elsa had managed to hit all the stand in the park without bumping into Honeymaren once but the moment Cassandra disappeared, there she was.

“Did she ask you out?” She asked right away.

Elsa frowned. How could Maren know that?

“Honeymaren?” she asked instead.

“Yeah?”

“Are you... are you trying to set me up with Cassandra?”

“Is it working?”

“I'm... I'm not sure. But why?” _Is there a chance all this was nothing but and elaborate prank?_

Honeymaren shrugged. “I figured Cassandra is cool and my friend and you seemed to get along well. Also I felt like helping you get a girlfriend.”

She wasn't wrong, but still.

“Is this... am I – like a pet project for you?” Elsa asked quietly.

“What?”

“That night at the bar," she explained. “Cassandra called me "one of your strays." Is it something you do. Take in awkward people and, I' don't know, make them your project?”

Maren sighed. "Take in a reindeer calf one and they never let you live it down, I swear."

“So, am I?” Elsa asked. She wouldn't be upset if it was the case.

“No. Maybe yes, but not like you think. I just want to look out for you. I don't know. I thought I – I want to see you enjoy yourself, life, have the full experience.” She paused. “You are very important to me.”

"Okay."

"Okay what?"

"Okay I'll go on a date with Cassandra. She did ask me out.”

“She did?”Maren exclaimed with the widest smile.

“She did. Maren?”

“Mmm mm?”

“What was that about a pet reindeer?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As a treat, here's this story from Maren's POV :  
> * nnngh Woman hot  
> * oh no, she's cute  
> * (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻ ffs woman GET THE HINT!
> 
> Concerning my "OCs", Agnete is from Kiran Millwood Hargraves' book The Mercies, which I can't and wont get over. Imagine a mix of The Handmaid's tale, Frozen and Portrait of a Lady on Fire. The main character is literally called Maren (!!!!) and she does have a thing for Agnete's sister, Ursa, which I changed to Cali here because it was WAY TOO CLOSE to "Elsa"! (Don't ask me why "Cali", I just liked it.) So anyway, read this book and please come crying to / with me about it. 


	13. Finally, Elsa!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elsa prepares for her date, Anna... helps?

All Elsa had to do was pick an outfit, select click-and-collect and make a quick run to the store. Cassandra was supposed to be there in just over two hours. It was plenty of time, she _just_ needed to pick something.

That was the problem.

All the items she liked were exactly like those she already had and the rest was either too ugly or too tacky. There was nothing that said “I acknowledge that we're on a date and I respect you so I did put effort in my appearance” without screaming “HEY NOTICE ME!”. Elsa had spent her whole life actively working on _not_ being noticed, she wasn't going to start now.

Blend in had always been her master word. As long as her body was hidden and her outfit socially acceptable she was happy. School uniforms had been a blessing until the day she could not wear them anymore. Sometimes she wished she could just stop having a body altogether.

She knew she was lucky to be on the right side of the fashion industry size standards. It allowed her to get away with ordering some generic clothes from time to time without thinking too much about it. After all, clothes were supposed to bring out the wearer's most interesting features, and there wasn't much to bring out in her.

It was hard to see the “totally model body” Anna spoke of when all the mirror showed was a shapeless bust and scrawny limbs. And where some might be polite and describe her complexion as fair, she knew she was but short of sickly pale, the expected consequence of lack of sunlight. It had not been in fashion in a hundred years.

Usually she didn't really care about any of this, but now... Now Cassandra was supposed to be there in two hours and she had nothing to wear.

Somewhere in the back of her mind a part of her was actually sort of proud to be panicking about such a mundane thing. Like a normal person before a date.

A commotion in the corridor pulled her out of her thoughts and she heard the front door open and close.

"Hey Elsa, you're in there?" Anna called.

This was not good. She and Kristoff were supposed to be at his parent's until late.

"In the living room" Elsa reluctantly answered.

With some luck they were just picking something and would be on their way soon. She heard Kristoff grunt as he put something heavy down on the kitchen counter.

"We're home early," Anna's voice came from the kitchen along with the sound of things being moved around in the fridge.

Had they gone shopping?

"Mickey Got the flu, so Bulda sent us home. They wouldn't let us leave empty handed though, we have food for the next two weeks!" Anna chattered away. 

Elsa heard Kristoff say something unintelligible.

"Okay maybe just one week. But still."

Anna's figure appeared in the doorway, holding something wrapped in kitchen foil.

"She baked you a cake!" She said waking over to place on the coffee table in front of Elsa. "It's for you and only for you. I'm not allowed to touch it. She said to put so meat on those bones." she explained happily. 

A ball formed in Elsa's throat. Even a woman she had met at best five times in her life had noticed. Elsa did her best to school her features and swallow before saying anything that would betray her state of mind.

Anna would see, and Anna would ask. And she would have to tell her about the clothes and the date then Anna would insist on meeting her date and then Cassandra would arrive and Anna would know and it would all be ruined, ruined.

"Okay, something's wrong with you." Anna said.

Curse her sister and her people reading skills.

"Did something happen at work? Did they shot down your design? You're not hurt, are you?"

She could text Cassandra and ask her to meet her some other day, say she has a family emergency. She did have a family emergency.

“I'm alright, Anna.” She attempted.

“Sure you are. Come on, you know you can tell me anything,” Anna insisted. “Let me see what you're looking at,” she asked reaching for the tablet.

No, absolutely not. It wasn't supposed to be like that. Elsa wasn't ready. She would never be. Anna didn't need to know.

"I ..." Elsa looked away to avoid her sister's gaze. All she needed was some white lie to get her off the hook but her mind was blank.

“Wait, wait right here, please.” Anna darted out of the room and said a few words to Kristoff, probably to warn him not to leave the kitchen for a while, then rushed back in to take Elsa's hands in hers.

"We made a promise not to shut each other out. Just tell me what's going on." 

It was too much. And Anna was right. Okay.

"Three months ago I went to a gay bar and I then I met a girl and now we're kind of dating and she's picking me up in two hours." Elsa blurted out in one go. She bit her lip and looked down at the floor, bracing herself for the final collapse of their relationship.

Anna blinked at her "Okay, that's ... definitely not what I thought you were gonna say,” she said and paused for several agonizing seconds. "But I'm so happy you did!” She eventually exclaimed, tackling her into a bear hug. “I mean, finally, Elsa!"

Elsa allowed it for a moment before steeping back. Anna's reaction was definitely not what she had expected either.

"Finally?"

"Yeah, I was wondering when you were finally going to come out!"

"You mean you knew?" 

"Well duh! You're my sister!'

Everything was unravelling and Elsa needed to sit down. There was an actual possibility Elsa was hallucinating the whole conversation, but Anna's hand was back in hers and it was warm and solid and Elsa tightened her hold just to make sure. "But you kept asking me about getting a boyfriend and stuff?” She asked. 

Anna sat by her side. “What did you want me to say? 'Yo I know you never came out or anything but I'm 99% you're gay so, any chick you've been into lately?"

If Elsa's mind was playing tricks on her it was really good at emulating Anna's voice.

"Okay, yes, I get that. " Elsa said pursuing her lips. "Was I that obvious?" she asked tentatively.

"Well do you remember Stephanie Perkovic back when you were in second grade?"

"No...?" 

"Well, I do, and you know why? You talked about her all the time. For month, Elsa, months, she was all you talked about. How Stephanie's hair was the shiniest, how she had the prettiest clothes, how she stood up to that guy who was bullying kid at recess. And then, she decided that Shelly Saidi was now her best friend instead of you and it broke you heart and you cried for two weeks and never spoke about her again."

“Oh.”

Second grade, it had been right before the accident. When Elsa still talked and knew – believed – that someone would listen. Even about something as trivial as a kid's crush. She had forgotten all about it, but Anna, despite everything, apparently had not.

“Too be honest, I was beginning to think that _you_ didn't know.” Anna joked. Then a little more quietly she asked. “But Elsa, why didn't you tell me?”

“I …. Mother and Father....”

"Were a little old fashioned, I give you that. And well, they haven't been the most supportive and I get that maybe you didn't feel like...." Anna trailed off. "But what about me? did you think I'd hate you for that? For being gay?" 

"I... no... a little." Elsa answered. "It's just. You know how after _everything_ we tried to go back to normal. I didn't want there to be anything to make me not normal to you. I didn't want to disappoint you again."

"Elsa.... when are you going to see yourself the way I see you. First of all, who's to say what's normal and what's not? Second, we all know normal is overrated anyway. You do realize that my boyfriends talks to deer and used to sleep in a barn, right?"

"Yeah, he's the weirdo."

"Hey! That's my future husband you're talking about!” Anna said and they both laughed. Could it really be that easy? Did Elsa deserve it to be that easy? 

“There's something else.” She started. “Maren doesn't work for city planning. I didn't meet her at a work dinner. In fact there was no work dinner. I... she, she's from the bar. I'm sorry I lied to you.” She said on a somber tone.

And Anna laughed, again.

"Did you really think that I believed that work business story? Even for one second?"

"What? Wait, Anna, what?"

Anna dismissed her protest with a wave of her hand.

"So, anyway, is this your first date? Are you nervous? You look nervous? Is that what you were freaking out about when we arrived? What are you wearing?”

Reluctantly Elsa finally showed her the tablet screen.

“I see. Kristoff!" She yelled. "Elsa's having a clothes crisis over date with her girlfriend. Can you put the rest of the stuff away?"

"Oh course!"

"Thank you, love you!" Anna shouted back.

Ah, there went the coming out to Kristoff part. No that Elsa expected much reaction from her notoriously taciturn future brother in law, but it made her wonder what he and Anna had been saying about her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, how many of you are having flashbaks of you "friendship" crushes now ? 
> 
> What, no Maren ? Wait and see, my friends. Wait and see.
> 
> So as you may or may not know, i started this whole story back during the first quarantine last spring. And at the time and since then I have absorbed characters traits and headcanons from other fics, sometimes without really noticing. So as I am rereading some of them (I love our community, but why. is it. so small?) I'm starting to see where this and that thing come from.  
> So, of course I got Elsa being a recluse architect from BlackthornPyre4UrEnemies's Elsamaren logs ("The Quarantine Logs" at the time), and also well, from actual canon, she builds an entire palace! Elsa's relationship with her sexuality and reluctance to tell Anna was definitely inspired by Marauder_Mouse's Home series. There are probably many more I could quote, but all in all i feel that the headcanon concerning the two's personalities are quite consistant, especially Maren being way.too.understanding.!


	14. Getting ready

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anna is the best sister.

“I can't believe this is happening!” Anna squealed, positively excited. “It's like Christmas and all my birthdays together at once. My big sister got a daaa—aate.” Anna sang as she dragged Elsa to her room.

"Soooo, what do we have here?"she asked, approaching Elsa's closet. 

"Nothing interesting," Elsa sighed. There probably was a joke to make somewhere, but there was less than two hours left and honestly she was still debating canceling the whole thing.

Anna laughed "Give yourself a little credit, what do you think I'm gonna find, rows and rows of stern blazers and work shirts?"

Elsa looked to the side as Anna opened the door.

"Oh... Oh well, you could always pull off the pantsuits business lady look. It _is_ kind of sexy and I heard that chicks dig it."

"Anna!"

"But something tells me it's not the vibe you wanna give off tonight, right?"

“No, you're right. I just... I have no idea what I'm doing.” Elsa admitted.

“Well, in that case I'd say you're pretty lucky!” 

“What?”

“Lucky to have the best sister in the world!” Anna exclaimed excitedly, to Elsa's further confusion. “Wait here!”

A few minutes later she came back holding a paper bag decorated with a bow.

“So, I've had it for a while now and I was kind of keeping it for your birthday, but, you know, desperate time, desperate measures, all that. So anyway, here.”

Inside was a rather expensive looking A-line dress in a very nice shade of pink lavender. Not a colour Elsa would have picked for herself, but when she held it against her and looked into the mirror it did fit.

“Put it on, put it on!” Anna exclaimed and Elsa obliged.

The sleeves were long just as she liked them and the hem stopped right above her knee. With dark tights it was the perfect compromise between comfortable and “not escaped from a convent”. A wide strip of a darker purple around the waist broke the somewhat childish spirit of the dress and made Elsa look actually grown up, almost attractive. 

“I love it.” She whispered.

“I know right! Let's do your hair now!”

She took Elsa's hair out its usual style and made it into a softer looser braid, finishing the look with tiny multicolored flower pins.

"There, you look perfect, Honeymaren will love it."

Elsa agreed, since they starting getting closer and closer Maren had been urging her to try bolder colors than her usual light blue and discreet black.

“I should probably send a her picture.” She said even though there were only a few things she loathed more than taking pictures of herself.

“No!”

“What?”

“Isn't there a rule for that, like it's bad luck or something?”

“Well you just said she'd like the dress. I should show it to her.”

“But... she's gonna see it anyway! Don't ruin the surprise!”

“What are you talking about? What surprise?”

"Well, she's your date, isn't she? I mean, wouldn't have pegged you for the reindeer person type, but hey, when you think about it, it checks out! Oh I can't wait to see what _she_ s' wearing."

"Anna, I'm not going on a date with Maren!" Elsa gave a little giggle.

"I'm sorry I don't follow."

Her sister could be so silly sometimes. How did she always come up with these ideas anyway?

"I'm going with Cassandra. Maren introduced us, though." Elsa said.

"You're not dating Maren?" Anna looked confused, like she was trying to solve a math problem.

"No, why would I be? That doesn't make any sense."

"Oh okay then," Anna gave her another unconvinced look before her cheerful tone came back. "Well then I don't know that Cassandra, but if she has eyes she'll love it. I promise you!" she exclaimed gesturing at he mirror like she was showing off a work of art. 

* * *

Never had Elsa seen her sister so excited about something, one could almost think it was her who was going on a date. Even with Kristoff's calming presence, Elsa could still feel her sister's body buzzing with energy when she went to open the door for Cassandra.

“Elsa hey, you look --” Cassandra froze, taking her whole outfit in.

Elsa froze too, self doubt took over her again all at once. She thought the dress looked great but what if it was too much? Not enough? Not gay enough? Was there even rules about that?

“Nice. Great. Beautiful.” Cassandra eventually finished. 

Elsa could not help but blush. Selfish as it was, it was reassuring to see her stumbling over her words too.

“Th-- thanks.” 

“Eeeeee” a high pitched sound came from inside the apartment.

Cassandra raised one questioning eyebrow.

“Ah and that would be my sister.” Elsa deadpanned. “I may introduce you one day. _If_ she behaves.” Elsa said, saying the last part a little louder for Anna. 

Cassandra gave her a playful smile. Elsa breathed. 

“And you look... really good too.” She said.

“Thank you.” There was an awkward pause. “So... shall we?” Cassandra finally offered.

“Oh, yes.” Remembering to grab a coat, Elsa followed her out.

Cassandra's dark jeans and jumper were not so different from what Elsa had seen her wear so far, but then again, she always looked smart and put together. Her trademark black leather jacket, boots, and her ever present gloves completed Cassandra's look. She looked like she came riding a motorbike and Elsa found it was a mental image she appreciated greatly.

But what if she actually had?

What if Cassandra expected Elsa to ride with her and she was absolutely not dressed for it? That and the fact that she had never been on a bike before and she wasn't sure she wanted to anyway. She should have asked more details. Why didn't she ask for more details before? Or maybe Cassandra _had_ mentionned it and Elsa had been freaking out so much that she had forgotten and now she had ruined their first date before it even began.

Cassandra stopped by a rather nondescript city car parked right underneath the window to her living room. 

Elsa let out a relieved sigh. 

“What?” Cassandra asked.

“It's stupid.”

“No, seriously.”

“Well, it's nothing really. I … I thought we were going to ride a motorbike.” she confessed. “You know, with your jacket and all. Which, I know is ridiculous since I don't ever know if you own one or anything. Sorry.”

"Well I do have one.” Cassandra said. “Which is cliché, I know. But I don't know how much experience you have with it, so I would never take a chance." She explained.

Yeah, that actually made sense. 

Elsa risked a glance up at the second floor to make sure her sister had not seen her embarrassment. As expected she was met with a bright encouraging smile and two ridiculous thumbs up. The urge to facepalm was strong but she resisted it.

"I could take you on a ride though, one day. If you want to." Cassandra added. "After I brief you on all the safety stuff and when you're not wearing a dress, of course."

Elsa could see that she was fumbling with her words. She didn't understand why, but it was kind of cute, she thought.

"Yes, I'd actually like that," she heard herself answer.

Like an actual gentleman Cassandra actually opened the passenger door and Elsa could feel Anna's squeal of delight from up above. She definitely was not looking forward to the inevitable debrief part of the evening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow ! Such reactions from the last chapter !  
> Full disclosure, the writing momentum that started this fic actually originated in a now-on-hold-forever Cassunzel fic, so here's me compensating.  
> If you're worried about Maren read the tags and don't be! If you reaaally want to know she's currently at home, getting plastered with Ryder because, well, Elsa has made it clear she doesn't want her. So she's gonna try and be supportive about Cass, but first she needs to get Elsa out of her system.  
> Hey, she's awesome and nice and understanding, but I never said she wasn't a dumb lesbian as well !*
> 
> *edit : of crap, sorry I did say she wasn't a dumb lesbian. She's a disaster bi, but, you know, same difference !


	15. Validation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elsa goes on her date with Cassandra

“So.”

“Yes.”

“Here we are.”

“Yeah. So er... here.” Cassandra pulled up a chair for Elsa to sit down before making her way to her own seat.

It had been a short quiet ride downtown to the restaurant Cassandra had picked for them. It wasn't anything too fancy but still cosy and nice. The cook, she had explained, was the friend of a friend and she liked coming in there from time to time. The booths were nicely separated and it was a slow night too, which made for a rather private environment. So really, there was nothing to make Elsa feel uncomfortable.

Except the fact that she was on an actual date and she had absolutely no idea what she was supposed to do. 

"I'm sorry I've never done that before." Elsa said, finally breaking the awkward silence. "I don't really know how it works."

Cassandra's shoulders relaxed. "To be honest, me neither." She said.

"But you?" Elsa gestured at Cassandra, tall, confident, definitely attractive, Cassandra.

"But I?" Cassandra echoed with a teasing smile. "I can say the same about you, you know."

Elsa blushed. There was no way the woman before her had never dated, she was too good and too smooth. She was probably like that with everyone, Elsa wasn't special.

"I basically only came out this year, to my counselor. And just two hours ago to my sister. What's your excuse?"

"Ha yes, Maren told me about that. Not everything of course." Cassandra added before Elsa could get embarrassed. "But she wanted to make sure I knew where you were coming from. To make sure it didn't get _too much_ for you."

Elsa wasn't _that_ clueless, she knew Cassandra was deflecting and steering the conversation away but she probably had a good reason for that. The least Elsa could do was roll with it.

"That's, nice of her actually."

"Yeah, she's thoughtful like that."

"Were you upset when she tried to set you up with me?"

"Upset? Why would I be upset? Try flattered. She went to me and said hey there's that girl I met the other day. She's very nice, smart and pretty and I think you'd get along very well. You should really give it a go."

"She did not say that."

"Oh no, that's exactly what she said."

"She said I was pretty?"

"Well I mean, she has eyes, doesn't she? You should know she's been badgering me to find someone to date for ages too."

After that the whole evening went by a lot easier. They just needed to remember they had something in common.

* * *

Inevitably Elsa felt a little guilty about letting Cassandra pay for their meal, but she asked Elsa to indulge her chivalrous fantasy. She had grown up with her father telling her stories of knights and heroes and when she started talking about it she was unstoppable. In a funny and interesting way.

Outside the restaurant she jumped down the few stairs and held out her hand in a theatrical gesture.

"My lady," she said, offering to "help" Elsa down.

"Why, thank you, kind sir," Elsa answered, playing along with a little curtsy of her own.

"As the night is so young still, would it please my lady to accompany me on an evening stroll?" Cassandra asked.

Elsa blushed and let out a nervous giggle. The night was indeed young, the weather pleasant and 

Cassandra really nice. She nodded softly in agreement.

She also kept their hands linked, and just like that, she, Elsa Aren, was holding a girl's hand. In public. It felt good and new and exciting and all those things she was probably too old to feel, not being a teenager anymore.

It was a bold move, probably the boldest in her life so far. 

Maybe a little too bold.

It was terrifying.

Elsa tried to push the feeling down and hold on as casually as possible but when they passed an older couple who couldn't help but frown at their linked hands her resolve faltered and she started pulling away.

Cassandra caught it and stopped her. She did nothing but stare at them, head held high, silently challenging them to say something until _they_ looked down and walked away. 

Elsa's heart was on a rollercoaster of contradictory emotions. Cassandra's action had felt kind of amazing, and safe, and made Elsa want the night to go on forever. At the same time every person they passed was one more person who knew about her. The didn't know who she was of course, but they could still see, judge, disapprove.

She had counted nine persons so far when a group of teenage girls skated past them.

One of them gave them thumbs up and comically tipped her snapback at them as the others disolved in cheerful giggles.

Cassandra and Elsa stopped dumbfounded.

Then slowly their surprise turned into a nervous giggle for themselves too, then full blow laughter. Elsa couldn't even find in herself to be jealous of the kids' confidence. She just felt good, validated.

Sooner than they realized they had circled back to the car. Cassandra stopped by the passenger's door but instead of opening it she kept Elsa's hand in her and started fidgeting, not unlike a teenager, Elsa noticed.

"So..." she started. "I had a really good time tonight."

Elsa raised her eyes to look into Cassandra,'s. "Yes, me too." she answered, not caring a single bit if it was the lamest exchange in the history of dating. 

Cassandra looked down then back up again at her eyes and Elsa knew what she was thinking about. It was the logical next step to their date.

"Should we...?"

"Yes. I mean if you want to." Elsa said struggling not to sound too eager.

"Yes, I mean. I'd like to. I mean, okay." Cassandra said equally nervous.

"Okay then."

Closing her eyes Elsa leaned towards her to receive her very first kiss.

Cassandra's lips were a little chapped as they moved slowly against hers. The action in itself felt a lot similar to kissing someone – okay, not someone, only Anna – on the cheek, except that it was someone else's lips instead of her sister's skin.

It felt nice and soft and, to be fair, a little underwhelming. 

Even when Cassandra opened her mouth to take her bottom lip between hers she had yet to experience the firework thing she had been hearing about since forever. But of course people always exaggerated those things.

When they separated Cassandra was looking at her with an expression Elsa couldn't identify. 

"Was that okay..." she asked tentatively. 

It hadn't felt bad to her but she didn't really have anything to compare it to. Maybe Cassandra had hated it.

"I'm still in love with Raps." Cassandra blurted out.

"Oh," Elsa frowned. "O–kay?" 

"You haven't met her." Cassandra started explaining straight away. "Probably won't. She, she's been my best friend since high school. Was. Is. It's complicated. And I've had a crush on her for as long as I've known her and I've done everything I could to get over her. I thought I was over her." She said.

Elsa had no idea how to respond to that. 

"I really liked kissing you. It's just.... I still don't want to be kissing anyone else but her." Cassandra said. "I'm sorry I wasted your first kiss." She finished sadly. 

Elsa blushed. "It's fine." She said. "I don't think it was wasted." If anything she was grateful that Cassandra had _given_ it to her. "And I did like it too. It was nice."

"Nice?"

"Yeah." She wasn't going to lie and pretend it had turned her world upside down. 

"If things were different..." Cassandra trailed off.

"Who knows. Maybe. Probably. Like in an alternate universe."

"Elsa..." Cassandra started, another apology on her lips.

Elsa knew she should be a little upset, sad, maybe jealous. But she knew that Cassandra hadn't meant to play with her, that the only person she had not been honest with was herself. Besides it would be quite hypocritical of her to blame her for not being in touch with her emotions. 

"It's okay," she assured Cassandra. "For real. I'm good," she insisted. "We're good."

She had learned a lot about Cassandra throughout the night and discovered someone with a lot more in common with her than she would have thought initially. But it did not matter if things never went further between them. She was grateful for the experience as it was. 

"Would you like to tell me more about her?" she asked quietly and by the look in Cassandra's eyes she knew it had been the right thing to say. 

It wasn't a happy story, rather one full of self hatred, painful longing and unrequited devotion. Yet listening to Casandra tell her about it filled Elsa with a sense of belonging she had never imagined she would feel before. She felt close to her and she could relate. She also had the urge to go and find that Rapunzel person and shake some sense into her to make her see what she was missing out on.

Between Honeymaren, Ryder, Cassandra and as of that afternoon Anna, it was four people that Elsa could be her true self with. Four more than she ever had before. 

Now the hard thing would be to tell Anna about the end of her date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG you guys wants to see jealous!Maren so hard! I might as well write her POV of the story! (<\-- don't read too much into that sentence, it's probably not gonna happen)  
> Also My CassElsa friends, I see you, I'm one of you (Elsa has two hands, Anna has claimed the rest of her), but this is not _that_ story.


	16. Interlude : Jealous Maren

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While Elsa is on her date with Cassandra, Maren has a terrible day. She says fuck, a lot. An interlude in her point of view.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Per popular request I give you  
> JEALOUS MAREN !  
> Ta-daaaaaa
> 
> One trigger warning that I did add in the general tag concerns this chapter specifically: at some point Maren is on the receiving end of racist slurs. 
> 
> Since I was gonna show her side of the story I wanted to explore her reality too and how her problems and priorities are a lot different that Elsa's. 
> 
> It's okay to skip this entire chapter, it doesn't add anything to the plot. In fact I wrote it just now, after finishing the rest of the story. It could have been a separate story.

"Hey Mare, you okay?" Ryder asked as he came home from his shift.

The thing was, Honeymaren was not. It could have been an _okay_ day, and in a way it had been: not too exciting but not to boring either, all in all nothing out of the ordinary only... only tonight Elsa was having her first date with Cassandra, and as much as she wanted to deny it, it was the reason she was lying face down on her couch with something like massive hole in her chest.

Elsa had started as a stranger in a bar. A beautiful one, so out of her league that Maren almost didn't talk to her. But all it had taken was a short exchange of words a) for her to realize that there a lot more to Elsa, that behind the coldly elegant exterior was an awkward dork terrified of her own shadow and b) for her protective instincts to kick in. Maren had spent one evening with her and immediately sworn to herself that she _would_ find a way to make her feel safe and welcome. No matter what. Even if it meant putting her own attraction on hold.

"Wow, what's happening?" Ryder asked. "Are you drinking Elsa's wine? Why are your drinking Elsa's wine?"

"I'm not." Maybe she _had_ picked it because wine reminded her of Elsa, or maybe she had just wanted to suffer because she had not idea how to choose wine and it was barely drinkable.

"Fuck off," she said. Because when one thought about it, _really_ thought about it, it was all Ryder's fault.

As Maren and Elsa's friendship (!) had progressed, it had become increasingly clear that for Elsa to feel better about herself, she needed to feel better about her identity. And one of the thing she had sounded the most insecure about had been her lack of experience.

Naturally she had come to the conclusion that maybe if Elsa started dating another woman she would gain the assurance she needed to finally stand her ground and let go of her insecurities. So maybe it had been a dumb conclusion and although it only came from good intentions she should have known better than to think she could "fix" Elsa somehow. It would have saved her so much trouble.

Maren couldn't start to imagine what it felt like to know you were attracted to women and yet not have it validated by a first hand experience, for she had realized girls were an option the moment Lisa Jensen kissed her at a party back when they were fourteen. Then it had been Lukas Wassmo two years after that, who confirmed that yes, boys still were too.

But all that was beside the point. Maren could not relate to the way Elsa felt. 

_Unlike Cassandra._

Cassandra who, had always _known_ but just _had_ to get a crush on her best friend, her straight best friend who remained to this day blissfully unaware of Cassandra's affections.

Cass was ragged edges and sass where Elsa was quiet anxiety and wit, both were lonely and haunted by the feeling of not being enough.

So yeah, Maren couldn't relate but Cassandra could. And she could picture them together so perfectly she was surprised she hadn't thought of it before.

They would be good for each other. Maren knew she could trust Cassandra and Elsa was, well, Elsa.

So the next time she and Cassandra had been discussing Elsa – and it actually happened quite a lot, which she had taken as a good sign – Maren had no-so-subtly let her know that she should _really_ think about asking her out, sometimes soon, that it could only be beneficial to the both of them.

Her plan had been bulletproof, until a week ago when Ryder just had to ruin it by planting the seed of doubt.

"You like her." he had said.

"Who, Elsa? Of course I do, she's my friend."

"Sure she is. But I know you know what I mean." He had insisted and Maren had had no choice but to admit it.

"Okay I like her." Because, honestly, she couldn't picture any reason anyone wouldn't. "But it's not gonna happen"

"Why not?" Ryder insisted and Maren had wanted to scream.

"Because, we _are_ friends." And she did not want to ruin that.

It didn't matter if seeing Elsa or even just talking with her over text was the highlight of her day. It didn't matter if Maren could never get enough of her soft voice and warm presence.

Dating Maren was the last thing on Elsa's mind and she had no right to think about her this selfishly. Even thinking about thinking about it made her feel kind of predatory. And she never wanted to Elsa to think she had anything but respect for her.

So she had taken Elsa to Cali's fundraisers. Everyone she knew was going to be there and it would be an excellent way to include Elsa in something different than shallow nights out for drinks. She didn't even think about how weird it would be to have her in the same place as Cali. She didn't _think_ at all, as Ryder's words were taking all the space. 

Then Elsa had done that thing again where she spaced out so completely she had to be brought back physically, so she had flicked her forehead gently and Elsa's nose gave and adorable scrunch and Maren had decided to take a chance. One, just to shut Ryder's "what ifs" up.

"Are you cold?" she had asked standing a little closer to offer her own warmth. It was an obvious move, if not _the_ most obvious move in the book, one that had the subtlety of a Russian Army tank. If Elsa did not respond to it, Maren would just have to let it go for good, and so would Ryder. 

"I'm fine" Elsa had answered on a neuter, distant tone.

The message had been received. Loud and clear.

> _Maren:_ Elsa's here, I'm sure she'll be happy to see you *wink*.

She had quickly texted Cassandra, effectively sealing her fate. 

So yeah, It had been Ryder's fault entirely, because if he hadn't pushed her to acknowledge her feelings she would have had to face such headfront rejection and the hole in her chest wouldn't have felt so big when Elsa told her that _"Okay"_ she would go on date with Cass.

* * *

> _Anna:_ Wdym my sistr and U r not dating???!!!  
>  WHY ARE YOU NOT ?!

So Elsa had finally talked to Anna, Maren guessed. It was about time. She had no idea what had just happened at their place, but it seemed intense.

But what a way to rub salt in the wound.

> _Anna:_ But who is this Cassandra?? SHe said she kno her from U  
>  Is she a good person  
>  can you vouch 4 her100???  
>  I wanna know all!

Cass was definitely a good person. She trusted her with her life.

It was not her fault Maren had to go and catch feelings for someone who was clearly not interested. Maren had no one to blame but herself. And it wasn't like she could make Elsa want her anyway. It wasn't like she had a right to even _think_ about making Elsa want her.

> _Anna:_ Also I got this picture! Look at her

Maren groaned. She loved Anna, she really did. But also fuck Anna. She wanted nothing more than to hide her face under a cushion and just stop existing.

She took another sip form her glass and made a face. It really was disgusting.

Ryder gave her a weird look.

"Ice cream?" he asked.

"Yes please." She answered in relief getting up to pour rest of the bottle in the sink.

And of course they had been out of ice cream, and of _course_ they had to go out to get some. At least it gave Maren something else to think about. Until she got to the ice cream section, that is, and realized she had instinctively reached for a carton of double chocolate.

She didn't even like chocolate ice cream. But Elsa did, so _so_ much, chocolate in any form was the closest thing to religion in her and Anna's home. Next to it was a cartoon of pistachio, the pretentious flavor, according to Anna, and actually one of those Elsa favored along with almond and hazelnut. Raspberry was the color of Elsa's sash on the picture Anna had sent her. Even plain frozen yogurt gave her flash back of the delicate skin on the inside of Elsa's wrist. 

Dozens of flavors – America may have been a hellscape but they had truly gone off with the ice cream thing – and somehow every single one of the them reminded Honeymaren of Elsa. How low had she sunk that she couldn't even shop for ice cream without thinking about her.

"I can't even decide." She said to Ryder as he was picking up a few essentials an alley over.

"You're such a mess," He teased. Just like any time it was only the two of them they had naturally reverted to Northuldra.

"You're supposed to be supporting me, stop being an ass."

"Hey!" A rude man's voice cut through their conversation. "Speak English, bitch."

Maren gave a tired sigh and let her head fall forward and bump against the freezer door. _Not tonight, please._ But what did she expect? That was what you got for moving to rural America. Ryder and her had been able to find, or rather make, their own network of supportive people, but there were assholes everywhere, as she was brutally reminded.

"Or go back to Mexico." The man insisted with a sneer.

Maren sighed again and turned around "That's not even Spanish, dude," was all she managed to say.

"Oh, you're one of those Indian chicks. Shit, by bad."

Closer but still wrong and also, ew, so _so_ wrong, dickhead. 

"Hey what do you say about coming with me for a ride?"

"What, no?"

"Oh, come on, don't be like that. I heard y'all do it for free." 

What the – oh well, some things never changed, and Maren was _so tired._

"Fuck off. Was that English enough?"

"Listen bitch –" the man started. But before he could get closer Ryder popped up between them. 

"What do you want with my sister?" He said and the man retreated.

Maren was grateful, she knew Ryder knew she could have taken the man, he wasn't much bigger than those she handled on a daily basis and surely dumber. But she just wasn't. in. the. mood. Not tonight.

They finally walked out of the store and Maren checked her phone.

> _Cassandra:_ Maren she's so beautiful and so sweet!

Well duh!, Maren thought. _Clearly_ they were having different nights.

* * *

"Am I a bad person?" Maren asked, half a season of Top Chef US and a tub of ice cream later.

"Any other night I would have said yes and you know it."

"Fuck you."

"Hey I _am_ trying to be supportive here."

Maren had always strived to be a good person. And a good person didn't get jealous when their friends went on date. They were happy and supportive and not trying to drown their own insecurities in Rocky Road.

"Ryder?"

"Mmmm?"

"I think I am. Jealous."

"No shit."

"I hate this."

"I know."

> _Cassandra:_ I'm so sorry  
>  Maren I think I fucked up  
>  I'm so sorry.

_What NOW?_

Okay, so, good people weren't supposed to get happy when they got that sort of texts, but who cared? It didn't matter if Maren was a good friend or not, Casandra should better have a good explanation, because if she had hurt Elsa in _any_ way she was gonna make her pay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you go back to the previous chapter you might notice that I did change part of Cassandra's speech about Maren telling her about Elsa to make it more consistent to the timeline I'm more or less setting here. (If Disney can retcon their highest grossing movie I'm doing it too!)  
> I have also changed the formatting of my fic, as it has come to my attention that justified text, as nice as it looks on paper, makes it harder to read for people with dyslexia.
> 
> Okay, onward to the rest of the story as scheduled now :D


	17. Better than people - part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maren takes Elsa to a place that is important to her. They also debrief Cassandra and Elsa's date.

"So, I heard what happened with Cass." Maren started cautiously a few minutes into driving. "I've never seen her apologize so much."

She had picked Elsa up right after lunch, providentially stopping Anna just short of making her a dating profile.

Elsa had indeed been right to fear her sister's reaction, just not for the right reasons. Her revelation had unleashed a dormant beast. Anna had now made it her personal mission to get Elsa a girlfriend, only with a lot less subtlety than Honeymaren had. Not that Elsa would complain about her sister's support. But Anna was Anna and her intensity could be, well overwhelming at time.

"But, I told her it was fine." Elsa said. It was true. She had kept in touch with Cassandra, realizing they had a lot more in common than they initially thought and offered to support her as well as she could through her own heartbreak.

"Yeah, but still."

Elsa couldn't help but shrug. "It's not her fault."

"You're right it's not. To be fair I'm the one who should be apologizing."

"You? What for?"

"I'm the one pushed her to ask you out. And for that I'm sorry."

"She said you had been encouraging her to date to help her get over, what's that girl's name?"

"Rapunzel. And yes. But I never want you to think that I ever saw you as a placeholder or that I was trying to use you in any way. I really genuinely thought that you two would get along."

"I know. It never felt like that, like what you just said. And we did, get along, I mean. Just not like that..." Elsa trailed off.

They reached a crossroads and with Honeymaren focusing on the road and Elsa unsure of what to say next they stopped talking for a while.

"So, what's your type then?" Honeymaren asked out of the blue once the traffic required less attention. 

She had never really thought about it. Finding someone, anyone, that would accept her as she was was already hard enough. She needn't be difficult about it.

"I don't know. Do you think it's true that people actually have a type? Isn't it a little reductive? 

"Yeah no, they definitely do!" Maren assured her on the spot, making Elsa wonder what _her_ type was. "But you're dodging the question!"

"I thought... I think Cassandra kind of fits it," she said. "It just didn't work out."

"Tall dark and broody, then?" Maren teased.

"More like, I don't know. Maybe, understanding." Elsa said. "Fit," she added with a blush thinking of how Cassandra's arms had felt. ".... safe."

"I see."

They both fell silent again."

"It's not like I _have_ to date anyone. Is it?" Elsa added after a while, suddenly concerned that that would somehow invalidate her identity. After all, wasn't a lesbian a woman who dated other women? What was she if she didn't? 

"No, of course not." Maren said taking a turn right on a narrower dirt road surrounded by pine trees.

"Anna's been badgering me to do that ever since, you know." Elsa said. "But I feel like..." she hesitated, unsure of how to best express her conflicting feelings. "Like it will happen when it does and I'll know it's the right moment or person. But for now it's not really something that I want. I don't feel like I _miss_ being with someone. Like if I had someone I would be happy, but right now I don't feel unhappy that I don't. Does that make sense?"

"It does, don't worry." Maren answered to Elsa's relief. "I've felt that way too at times."

"But, not at the moment?" Elsa asked, realizing not without shame that for all the time they had spent discussing her own dating status, she had never asked about Maren's. She had always felt it was something very private, that Maren would tell her about on her own if she wanted too. It had never occurred to her that Maren could take her lack of questions for disinterest, until now.

"Well, I'm not actively trying to date at he moment," Honeymaren said. "Especially strangers, but it sure would feel good to share something, you know, keep me warm." She finished with a smirk Elsa was starting to see more and more often on her.

Before Elsa could give it more thoughts, they had reached the end of the dirt path, where bramble bushes made it impossible to drive further. The car ride was over and so was their conversation.

* * *

Maren killed the engine and grabbed a heavy looking backpack from the back seat before leading them a little further down the dirt path. She pushed open a creaky rusty gate onto what used to be a driveway leading to a gray building the size of a medium house. Elsa finally understood why Maren had insisted she borrowed Anna's hiking shoes. Everything was equally overgrown with thorn bush, nettle and thistle.

"Behold, my kingdom! I probably picked the worst time of the year to show it to you."

She had taken Elsa to the now defunct Deer Center she and Ryder used to work at.

The whole thing had obviously been built quick and cheap so that it fell apart the moment it stopped being taken care of. A panel by the door still displayed opening hours and technical information but just a few years or weather wear had made it unreadable. A hawthorn bush had grown tall enough to block access to the main entrance.

In the summer it probably was the wild natural haven she had described, but now the bare trees and gray autumn weather did nothing but accentuate the decrepit feel of the whole place.

"We do our best," Maren said, "but as you can see there's not much to salvage."

 _"We"_ was the group of former employees and volunteers, Maren and her brother included, who kept coming to take care of the remaining reindeer. The center had collected reindeer from entertainement companies or where people kept them as pets, only for the whole structure to collapse in a few years. But the animals were still there. 

The place existed in a sort of loophole at the moment. It was supposed to be sold off, but no one wanted to take responsibility for the animals, neither the zoo, nor the public authorities, nor the prospective buyers. So until a solution was found Maren and the other former employees took turns coming regularly to check on the reindeer, feed them, and spot the sick and injured ones before it was too late. 

To Elsa's eyes this kind of implication was nothing short of impressive. Every new things she discovered about Honeymaren only made her admire her more.

It was not ideal but unless they found some generous benefactor to pick up the project and rehabilitate the place there wasn't a lot more they could do.

“Speaking of, rich people, I mean. Thank you so very much, I didn't know I was hanging out with royalty.” Maren said then, after telling her of the funding issue.

“I don't know what -”

“Oh come on, a 50 000 dollar check from one Aren trust funds? Should we apply for a donation?” Maren said. Her tone was teasing but Elsa knew exactly what she meant to say.

“Oh.” She had hoped to remain anonymous precisely for that reason, now all she could wish for was that they could still be friends. “I'm sorry. I didn't want you to think that –“

“No please don't be! That was a joke. None of it is my business actually. But more seriously thank you, for real, for Cali and Agnete. You have no idea how much it means to them. They might even be able to get her a private room.” Maren said earnestly. “I'm letting you get our drinks more often though.”

Maren's comment may have been a joke, but it had been right and an idea was sprouting in her head. It wasn't right to have all that money just sitting there doing nothing while so many people needed it, just because Elsa had been so afraid to let the world in for so long.

Honeymaren led Elsa around the main building when they could see an open field of high grass and heather, spreading as far as they could see over a hill and probably beyond, with only a few trees here and there breaking the monotony of the view.

Not to far was as smaller but better kept shed that Elsa assumed was the reindeer's shelter and food spot.

As Elsa insisted on helping Maren showed her bags of pellets and instructed her to fill up the feeders while she went to haul up buckets of fresh water from a nearby pump. The reindeer, Maren explained, could technically survive on grass and lichen, but since they had all either been born or raised in captivity, it was important to make sure they had adequate food. 

The pellets were heavy and smelled foul but it wasn't unpleasant to do something with her body for a change. She could see why Kristoff enjoyed that sort of work.

Once they were done Maren suggested Elsa took a break while she mucked up the shed and rearranged the hay on the storage deck for it to stay evenly dry. There was space set up for a fire pit where she could sit.

While she watched Maren work Elsa heard a clicking sound followed by a patter of hooves on compact earth. For all the time she spent around reindeer nerds, it was actually her first time seeing one in real life. It was shorter than a horse, definitely smaller than she had imagined, and she wondered how it could ever bear the weight of a rider. Other than that it looked... friendly?

The reindeer circled Elsa sniffling and blowing. She remained very still as it pushed its muffle into her side to get a better smell. Then deciding she was neither threat nor interesting toy it trotted away to grunt in Honeymaren's direction.

At the sound Maren jumped down from the deck to retrieve her backpack.

“Hey Sven, how are you doing.” She said to the reindeer, patting it gently on the side of its neck.

“Sorry I'm not Kristoff. Buuuuut I got some treats for you.” She sang, taking a carrot out of her bag which the reindeer, Sven, eagerly accepted.

Sven nuzzled the bag for more but she held out of his reach. 

"Hey, hey, hey. You gotta leave some for the others. Share, remember?" She said. Sven harrumphed gently in protest but did not insist. "Man, Kristoff spoils you, doesn't he? Hey, here's Elsa, she's his friend too.”

Elsa saw Sven walk back to her and acknowledge her with a gently headbutt to which she answered with a tentative pat like she had seen Maren do.

A few more reindeer appeared, drawn in by the humans' presence.

“Oh good,” Maren commented, “I don't have to call them this time.”

She tasked Elsa with handing carrots around while she checked on each reindeer, taking pictures and notes on her phone.

A little reluctant at first Elsa quickly got used to the gentle push of antlers against her and the feeling of coarse tongues on her fingers. Pretty soon they found themselves surrounded by about forty reindeer trampling around in a cacophony of clicking, sniffling and grunting.

Pushing its way through the crowd a smaller, antlerless, reindeer made her way to Honeymaren and let out a loud wail to get her attention.

“Ah! There she is, the prettiest girl!” she exclaimed with a grin, crouching down to pet the younger animal. “Elsa,” she then called out, “meet Aaldu, The stray reindeer I was telling you about.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few linguistic notes on that chapter: 
> 
> "reindeer" is indeed plural. I shouldn't have learned that from a Frozen (I) outtake song but here we are!
> 
> Aaldu (or Áldu, depending on which book or website you read) is Northern Saami for "Female reindeer". If I could name my own cat "Cat" (and Cassandra her own owl "Owl"), Maren can name her reindeer "Reindeer"!
> 
> And, If you haven't guessed or googled it by now, the title of this story is only Norwegian for "You belong up here" (aka, the most iconic lesbian proposal of the century). Duolingo taught me it one day, so I figured I might as well use it.


	18. Better than people - part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maren tells Elsa more about how she met Aaldu and where she comes from.

While Maren gave equal care and attention to all adults reindeer, it was clear she had a special bond with Aaldu. The calf barely left her side as she finished working on the others.

As the early night began to fall Honeymaren built up a fire and the herd of reindeer slowly dispersed, except for Aaldu who remained snuggled against her.

“I found her wandering on a parking lot a few months ago.” Maren started. “She looked completely lost, like she had no idea what to do. I assumed she had been taken as a pet and thrown away when they realized she couldn't be trained like a dog. So there wasn't much else to do than to take her home with me until I could figure what to do with her. She did sleep on my bed for a few nights. Of course Ryder and Cassandra have been teasing me about it ever since.”

“Poor thing,” Elsa commented. “She was lucky too met you.”

“Yeah. I took her here shortly after and luckily the herd adopted her quickly too.”

Elsa took a sip of the tea Honeymaren had prepared for them over the campfire and observed her. She was sitting on the ground at Elsa's left, close enough that she could smell hay, fire and sweat on her. A mix that surprisingly didn't bother Elsa. She probably smelled the same anyway. 

“So, Kristoff comes here too.” Elsa finally commented after a moment of silence.

“All the time.” Maren said. “He's been a most welcome addition. Sven used to never actually get along with anyone, human or reindeer, but he and Kristoff really hit it off and here we are."

"He never said." Elsa said.

Maren only shot her a look that said _of course he didn't what else did you expect from him?_ It was true Kristoff didn't talk much. That was actually one of the thing Elsa liked about him. They understood each other's need for peace and social distance.

“Is Ryder okay with this?”

“What do you mean, of course Ryder is okay, he's the one who introduced him.”

“I mean, you know because of his crush. And Kristoff I don't think he realizes. It has to be hard sometimes, doesn't it? Don't you think it might be a little unhealthy?

“Well, Ryder's a big boy, he might not look like it but know how to protect himself. He's happy to spend time with him either way.”

Elsa took another sip of her tea and put the cup down on the ground. Honeymaren had a point. Not everyone over thought everything the way she did.

On the opposite side from Elsa, Aaldu was snuggled against Maren thigh, getting her fur stroked with open affection. From time to time the baby reindeer emitted small sounds to which Maren answered with soft Northuldra words.

It wasn't often that Honeymaren used her native language in her presence, she already had a pretty voice in English but in Northuldra it was something else. Elsa closed her eyes and let the sounds wrap themselves around her like a blanket, warm and comforting, somehow familiar, like a dream she always had but couldn't quite remember.

“It's amazing how you're as good with animals as you are with humans.” She commented quietly.

Maren hummed pensively. “It's not that hard, you know. Once you realize that what everyone wants is a little warmth and –“ Aaldu interupted her with a yawn, got up, stretched and trotted around to squeeze herself in the small space between them, her muzzle on Elsa's lap. “-- and attention.” Maren finished in a chuckle.

Instinctively Elsa reached down to pet the warm body beside her just as Maren did too. A few inches and their hands would be touching Elsa noted with a little flutter in her chest. Which was quite ridiculous Maren and her touched all the time.

“You know, back in Norway my people are the only ones allowed to herd reindeer. It was a long struggle but at least we got that.” Honeymaren said pensively, staring into the fire.

Elsa waited for her to extrapolate but she didn't. “You don't talk much about it.” she remarked.

“What, reindeer herding? That's because we control ourselves in you presence, princess.”

“No, I mean Norway. Northuldra.”

“What is there to say?”

“A lot, apparently.”

“Well, it's not always you find someone willing to listen to you talk about a place that most people sill think is made up.

Elsa shrugged. "I'm willing,” she said. “I didn't know anything about Sami before you told me about it. Did I say it right?”

“ _Sápmi_ ” Honeymaren corrected, with an inflection Elsa could never quite copy. “And well, I guess that's the US education for you.”

"It is so strange, to think that, today, a whole nation with an entire language and culture exists and most people will probably never hear about it. You know when I first met you I thought you were Native American.” Elsa admitted a little shamefully.

"Well, to be fair I am a lot darker than most in my _siida_ , that's like a village, a community. They used to tease me about it when I was younger. And you could say we are native Scandinavians. Besides if you asked the elders, some would say they'd rather have stayed under the radar.

It started long ago but really for us, it all went down for us forty years ago when they built a damn over our valley. They had the guts to call it _"strengthen our water"_ when all they wanted was a new power plant and a reason to push our territory back a dozen miles. There were protests, one man died and another lost an arm, but in the end the damn was built and it flooded everything. That was forty years ago and everyone just let it happen like some colonial bullshit from when no one knew what human rights were. It cut all the usual reindeer migration paths. Many lost their herds and had to leave to find work somewhere else and then lost their ties to their tribes too. Others just gave up.”

Elsa stopped her stroking of Aaldu's fur, while Maren paused. Neither of them had expected it to take such a dark turn.

“And then you get to see the Norwegians flexing their superior schools, cosy homes and sustainable energies, while they still exploit the land and call us names without realizing they are doing it, and we have to choose between feeding our families and keeping our identity."

Maren took her hands away from the reindeer's fur too to clench her fist. "You know every time I fly back there they talk to me like I am dumb and don't understand Norwegian. Elsa,” she said looking up at her “I speak two Norwegian dialects, in addition to Northuldra."

Elsa knew Maren's anger wasn't directed at her but she had no idea how to comfort her.

"Maren I... I'm so sorry," she started, looking down in shame.

Honeymaren sighed "It's not you fault."

"Well, if my parents had stayed I could have been just like that."

If they had stayed in Norway there would have been no manor, no backyard grove and no river. No wet rock, no accident.

No waking up in crying the middle if the night convinced Anna was dying, suffocating, drowning because she had been much too slow. No parents shutting her out, too worried, too angry and disappointed to acknowledge her. Had they stayed maybe she would have been completely different that what she was now. There would have been no shutting herself in, from fear of hurting both the people around and herself. Maybe she would have been able to appreciate the time she had with her family before she lost the opportunity altogether.

And maybe if they had stayed, there would have been no car wreck on the way to the airport. No losing the little footing she had and spiraling downward when she should have been stepping up.

But then there would have been no meeting Honeymaren either.

She risked another look at her and was relieved to see that the darkness had receded somewhat and Maren was back to her usual warm open self. 

“I never realized there was so much to it.” Elsa said. “You've always bee so positive and optimistic, I never would I guessed.”

She should have, though, Elsa thought. She should have been paying more attention to her friend. She had no excuse.

"I suppose when you have bigger things to worry about you learn to let go of a lot of stuff and appreciate the rest."

Did Maren not realize how amazing she was?

"Maren," Elsa started cautiously, "I don't want to sound insensitive or anything and please don't take it the wrong way, but why – why did you..., I mean, why didn't you...” she trailed off, unsure of how best to phrase her question.

"Why didn't I stay and fight back, you mean?” Maren finished for her, once again reading her thoughts.“Why am I here and not there petitioning the parliament or holding up signs in Čearretsuolu? I think...” she stopped to choose her words.

"“I think I needed to become my own person and I couldn't do that properly there. I come from a very remote place, even by Norwegian standards. And you know what I said to Cass about growing up in Northuldra, some of it was true but it's not all rainbows and sunshine. In fact it's more like not seeing the sun for more than a few minutes a day for months. It was also fighting everyday to keep the land and the reindeer healthy, crawling for government subsides, dodging slurs and keeping the adult away from the state liquor store, so, you know. The land is huge but it's also a very small world. You spend the entire winter seeing the same thirty faces.

I love it there but I always felt like there was more to explore. Even when I was a kid I picked up old cassettes and listened to the foreign languages on them and I dreamed of a something, a somewhere, beyond the pastures and the fjords. When we were sent to Tromsø Ryder and I, after highschool, it felt like a fog had finally lifted and I knew that I would need to leave eventually.

That same year the government made my parents cull so many reindeer they couldn't support us anymore, so we went to Yelena, our _noadi_ , and she said it was a sign that we could go."

Elsa had not expected to learn so much about Maren and Norway in a single go. The more she learned about her parents' country the more questions she had.

"But don't you miss it?"

"I do, terribly. Everyday. But it's still there and I can go back whenever I want. And look, even here I'm still hanging out with a Nordic beauty!

Elsa blushed.

"I'm talking about Aaldu," of course.

"Dork!" Elsa protested.

"Aaaaauh!" Aaldu said in agreement.

* * *

The night found Elsa tossing and turning in her bed unable to shut her mind off.

Maren had told her about an entire people whose way of life was threatened and there she was, still beating herself up because her sister once slipped on wet moss twenty years ago. It was time she finally moved on and did something. As she and Maren had been talking an idea formed in her head and the more she thought about it the harder it was to let go of it.

Accepting she was not going to get any sleep she got up and took out her drawing pad.

She would speak to Anna first thing in the morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so this was both one of the first parts I wrote when I started this story, right after the bar scene at the beginning, and the one that took the most time.  
> I tried to do as much research as I could for this chapter, my main source being Gabriel Kuhn's book _Liberating Sàpmi – Indigenous Resistance in Europe's Far North_ half of which is translated interviews of Sàmi activists, artists, spokespeople, etc. (ISBN:978 1629637 129, ask your local library or get it from not amazon! (there's that site called wordery, just saying))  
> Most of Maren's anger in this chapter basically come from my own "WTF guys, WHAT THE F---???" reactions as I was reading it.  
> Čearretsuolu is the place of an ongoing protest against unfair fishing regulation in the Deatnu (Tana / Teno) river in Finland. Please look up the _Ellos Deatnu_ movement.  
> Also the part about the dam, as similar as it sounds to the one in Frozen, is actually a reference to the 1982 Àltà-Guovdageaidnu river dam construction. I would say the Disney creative team did do their research! But also one person did die after this, and another did lose an arm, his name is Niillas Somby and if I could I would copy his entire interview here!
> 
> Also, another fun fact I read in that same book, apparently the words for "mother" and "river" (and "earth") are closely related in the Sámi language. Do with that what you will.


	19. A big gift - part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anna and Elsa go back to their childhood home and start to make peace with their past.

Elsa had spent the whole night designing a new and improved Reindeer Center. The plan was so simple, so obvious it was almost laughable. Maren and Ryder needed funds and a place for Aaldu and the other reindeer. And Elsa just happened to own a manor and a 50 acres estate. Well, half of it. But to her surprise Anna had been supportive of her idea right away. She even pitched in a few of her own. Human ones that would give the whole project weight and meaning in a way Elsa would never have thought about.

So there she stood now, right back at the very place she had carefully and successfully avoided for years.

Behind the high cast iron gates, the manor looked exactly as it did before, tall and imposing with high triangular windows that existed nowhere else in the US. It had never been clear what Father's original occupation had been, but he came over with enough money to become an influential investor and get a piece of land to model after the palaces of his homeland. 

“Please don't take it the wrong way...” Anna started, fidgeting with the set of keys she held in her hands. “But I've actually been coming here a few times.” She admitted. “It just didn't feel right to leave it all alone.”

The place had not been abandoned, they both knew that.

Each month an agency sent someone to take care of the place, clean, dust, fix whatever needed to be and make sure it remained secure and free of squatter. Elsa had set it up the moment they moved into the apartment and never made any further contact. The manor might just as well have existed in a different dimension until now and it had been all right with her. 

“Though I knew that Marcus and Jenna took great care of it. Last time they even cleaned the gutters, so that's one thing we won't have to do soon.” Anna said, because of course she would make friends with the people they hired.

“I understand. It was – is your home.” Elsa said.

“Yours too.” Anna added cautiously.

Elsa only hummed in acknowledgment. There was so much and at the same time so little to say about that.

It was always a puzzling exercise to imagine that Anna had different memories of the place. And how could she not when the accident erased them all including of itself? 

To Elsa the high ceiling of the Aren Manor meant days and nights – and months and years – in isolation, scared of the world as much as she was of herself, infinite cold she had learnt to accept as inevitable.

But to Anna it was the place of warmth and fun. Two parents fretting over her health and comfort while her sister stayed out of her way so she could grow up unburdened. It was curling up close to mother on the couch and learning how to read from Father at the kitchen table. Midnight hot chocolate and children's games. Sliding down banisters and riding bikes across the halls, filling the whole place with laughter and songs. It was being alive. It was being happy.

Yet – and it apparently still baffled Gerda to this day – Elsa had never managed to get jealous of her sister. After all, you got jealous when you thought you should have something for yourself, that you deserved it, and Elsa never did. 

“You know, I'm happy that you're moving forward.” Anna commented. “And I've never see you so driven about something before. I like that side of you.”

“But...”

“But do you maybe think that you're putting your energy in the wrong place...?”

Elsa stiffened, jerking away from Anna. “You think this is a bad idea?”

For years she and Gerda had worked to analyze, deconstruct, fix whatever made Elsa reject that entire part of her life altogether and in the end all it took was a baby reindeer and a young woman with a strong will and a gentle voice to put her on the path of healing. It felt wrong somehow. And yet also so so right.

“No, of course not! This is an excellent idea!” Anna assured her, reaching for her hand. “It's just, you want to do all this for Honeymaren, right? That's a big gift !"Anna said as if she had been reading her thoughts.

"And Ryder, and Kristoff too, and all the reindeer, yes." Elsa added, because no, of it wasn't _just_ for Honeymaren. "I just want to give back. Do you think there's something wrong with that?"

“You know what nevermind. Let's do this. I trust you.”

Elsa breathed in relief and squeezed her sister's hand back.

Hand in hand they pushed the gate open.

* * *

Once past the initial onslaught of emotions. Elsa found that looking at her childhood home from a professional standpoint made it a lot easier.

They knew the brook did not exist as it used to anymore. The little creek where they used to play had been cleaned up and the cursed rocks had been moved away. A fence had been built along it so that it was harder to access. Not that either Elsa or Anna ever tried to go back to it anyway. The fence would need to be removed, as the reindeer would surely enjoy it.

But their priority was to see what they could do with the mansion itself. Though building rehabilitation was not Elsa's specialty, she had always been better at creating from scratch, there was a lot to work with.

Elsa had been focused on the animal shelter part of the project and because they could afford it, she had been thinking of turning part of the manor into a fully functional veterinary clinic that could also welcome patient from nearby farms and shelters. She lacked the medical and technical knowledge for it but she was pretty certain Kristoff wouldn't mind helping her design his dream office. He had just the right mix of pragmatism and first hand experience for that task.

Anna on the other hand was already thinking big, thinking people, gatherings, master classes, teachers and students from all around the world sharing expertise on a common passion. And Elsa was actually okay with all this. The great hall, the ballroom as Anna used to call it, had stood empty for as long as they could remember, all it would need was some light remodeling to turn it into a conference room. 

Elsa could definitely picture Maren holding a stage in front of an eager audience, sharing her lifelong experience of an ancient tradition.

A little further down, the kitchen was quite roomy, it could easily be turned into a communal one and the summer parlour would make an excellent mess hall. They might even be able to bring down the wall to the sunroom for more light. That was the other part of Anna's idea. The future social advocate in her was already planning an entire training and shelter program for local at-risk youth. It wasn't as if they lacked space. Once properly arranged, the rooms upstairs could easily welcome a good dozen people.

Elsa managed to distance herself until they got to their parent's bedroom. Then she could not pretend it was only a job anymore. 

“We're gonna have to...” Anna started. 

“Yeah...”

The room been cleaned up after their parents – after they left. But all of their things was still there. Anna and her never had the opportunity, or courage, to go through it.

Anna sat down on the bed, an imprint the size of her body indicated it wasn't the first time she did.

Unlike Elsa she had been close to their parents, and unlike Elsa she had apparently started to make peace with their shadow.

“Is that where you actually come when you go on 'hikes' with Kristoff.”

Anna smiled. “Not _all_ the times.” she said. “But yeah. We've been coming here a few times. He's crazy about the park behind. He always said it would be the perfect spot to have Sven roam around. So you know, when you came to me with the project this morning... it's something we've been dreaming about for a while now. We just did didn't know how you'd react to be honest.”

“Oh.” Once again, Elsa realized she had been standing between Anna and her life and had had no idea.

“Hey, this is not what I meant,” Anna answered to her obvious discomfort. “Come here.” She motioned for Elsa to join her on the bed and reached for something under the spare pillow. “I found this a few months ago. Do you remember it?”

It was a large piece of deep red woven wool, a shawl that Elsa had seen wrapped around Mother's shoulders every year from the first chills of September to the last rainfalls of April. The bottom trim was decorated with pink and purple shapes she remembered tracing while falling asleep against a warm body, a long time ago.

Funny, she had almost completely forgotten about it. And now as Anna was unfolding it the memories came back with a vengeance.

Accepting Anna's silent invitation, she joined her on the mattress and joined her to snuggle under the scarf.

Mother used to gather them thus, Anna and her, close to her as she told stories of kings and queens, lost children and magical forests. It was _their_ time that Elsa looked forward to every night.

One of her favorite stories had been the one about the Snow Queen, a ruler so powerful, gone so mad after causing the loss of her sister that she cursed her whole land into an eternal winter. 

For years Elsa had asked herself whether that was what Mother saw in her, why she kept away from her, from fear she would become like the mad queen. After all, every story was based on a truth. She wondered if Maren knew about the story, what it meant and what it came from.

Even since the moment they had shared by the fire, Elsa not been able to get Maren's words out of her head, especially now that she was thinking about her parents. She knew they were not bad people, but could they have been part of what Maren had described? Even unknowingly?

“What do you think their life was, back in Norway?” she wondered aloud.

At her words Anna unexpectedly stiffened and let herself slide off the bed, abandoning the shawl to Elsa.

“Who cares?” She said and stomped out of the room.


	20. A big gift - part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anna and Elsa clear the air about their past and their feelings about each other as well as their parents.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Major MAJOR TRIGGER WARNING for a suicide attempt reference. 
> 
> If you want to skip this chapter, here's the gist of it : 
> 
> Basically the girls discuss Anna's resentment towards their parents for locking Elsa up and then the fact that the night Anna met Kristoff was also the night Elsa tried to kill herself.

After recovering from her initial shock and giving Anna a few minutes to cool down, Elsa eventually found her slumped against a door halfway down the corridor. She sat down beside her in silence.

“I'm still angry.” Anna finally told her, leaning back against the door.

“I'm so sorry.” Elsa immediately answered. She had no idea what she had done this time, but whatever it was she needed to find a way to fix it.

“Not you at you,” Anna said. “At them. Because they're dead.” It was clear now she was talking about their parents. But why? “And I love them and I miss them but I also can't tell them how angry I am for what they did to you!” Her voice broke as she almost shouted the last part.

“What they did to me? Anna what are you talking about?”

“Keeping you locked up all this time. It was wrong. You know that, right?”

“Anna?” At that moment Elsa realized that the door they were leaning against was the one to her old bedroom, the one she had hid behind most of her life, the one on which had knocked and knocked for years until she got tired of no one answering.

“I get that they got scared. But you were just just a kid and they locked you away.

"Anna I'm the one who locked the door."

" _They_ made you believe it was your fault, that you were a danger to the world, to me, to they world. They made you believe you were a monster that had to keep away. But it wasn't true. You were just a kid. I lost you that day. They took you away from me."

There was a pause. Elsa had no idea what to say.

“I was lonely, Elsa.” Anna continued. “Why did you think I was always so noisy and loud? Knocking on you door all day long, trying to reach out with stories and songs? I missed my big sister. And it took me ages to realized it was neither your fault not mine.”

"But I – "

"You did nothing, it was an accident. Stop blaming yourself. It's been eighteen years."

"If I had ..."

"If you nothing. You never _made me_ go to the river and you didn't push me either. I was a stupid kid doing stupid stuff and I slipped! Accidents happen, that's why you don't let kid climb stuff or, I don't know, use scissors or play with fire. If anyone's fault it was our parent's for leaving us unsupervised.”

"You almost died Anna!" Elsa insisted.

"Yeah well so did you!”

“Anna!”

There it was, the other elephant in the room. The one topic they had carefully and successfully avoided for five years. 

She had discussed it with the nurses and the doctors from that night, with Gerda, at length once a week for five years, with strangers on the internet, even with Kristoff, once. 

But never with Anna.

Not even the day after, when she had finally woken up hooked to a machine with a tube in her nose.

Anna had sat down on her bed. In clean, regular, clothes but hospital band still around her wrist. _"I'm okay,"_ Elsa had said and _"I'm sorry." "Don't ever do that again,"_ Anna had said and < _"I love you."_ and _"I'm sorry too."_ After that they had locked the manor doors and moved into their current apartment and sworn to make it a new start for both of them.

“How do you think I feel?”Anna went on. “How do you think I live, knowing that all that time you were spiraling downward and I was too taken in by my own drama to realize how miserable you were all along?”

* * *

They had had an argument that night.

Anna had insisted Elsa went with her for drinks wanting to experience what all the other kid had been talking about in high school. Despite how desperate she had always been for social interaction, her life since their parent's death had been too chaotic to make real connections. Between Elsa being too young and lost to take responsibility for her and bouncing from foster families to group homes, she had never been able to make friends with whom to make teenage mistakes.

Elsa owed her this at least.

But honestly none of them really knew what to expect. And Elsa hated it. She hated everything about the place. The smell, the music, the boys leering at the girls between two round of a rowdy game, and the girls drinking up the attention in a way Elsa had never been able to emulate.

The longer they stayed, the more out of place she felt. They all, including Anna, shared a big secret on the universe that she would never understand, because she wasn't like them and would never be. All eyes were on her and everyone could see that she didn't belong. And she didn't. It wasn't her scene and it wasn't her world and she wanted to be anywhere but there. 

The room had started to spin, she felt nauseous and she had to get out. 

But Anna could not see all that. She was already socializing with a group of business students, finally enjoying everything she had been denied for so long. She had no way of knowing how bad it was for Elsa so when she told her she wanted to leave she erupted in protest.

And Elsa couldn't tell her, couldn't explain how and why couldn't even put words on it. All she could do was insist again that the party was over. That they had to get home right now.

“Well if you want to leave so bad,” Ann had yelled, not even caring if she made a scene in the crowded pub, “then leave! I'll get by on my own, I always have!”

“Fine!" Elsa had exclaimed.

“Fine!” Anna had shouted back.

And Elsa had left and it had not been fine at all.

The next thing she knew a stranger – Kristoff, she didn't know him a the time – was calling her to tell her Anna had gotten hurt. Again. Because of her. Again.

* * *

“But Anna, none of it was your fault.” Elsa tried.

“Oh yeah? If I had listened to you when you said you wanted to leave. If I hadn't tried to force you to stay. If I hadn't been so stubborn, if I had gone with you, none of it would have happened!” Anna exclaimed.

“But if I hadn't stormed out you wouldn't have been –“ Elsa countered.

“Let's make one thing clear,” Anna interrupted her. “Some asshole roofied me, _that's_ on him. But _I_ , I yelled I you and pushed you away and the next thing I knew you had jumped into a freezing river. So yeah, tell me again how it wasn't my fault that you tried to kill yourself!”

Elsa's shoulder sagged. She had not really wanted to die that night. Kristoff called and she saw the river and suddenly it was _that_ night all over and she didn't want to live through it again. She wanted the river to take her back to the start, to make it stop, to make her forget. But whatever she thought back then would not change what happened.

“I never realized you felt this way,” she said.

“How else was I supposed to feel? All those years not being able to talk to you, to be with you and then you, not trusting me, not being able to tell me when things were bad –"

“Anna it's not --” Elsa tried to counter but Anna cut her off.

“It all comes down to the same thing. You're the other half of me, Elsa. I can never be happy if you're not.” Anna finished with a sad smile.

“I --” a strangled sob escaped Elsa and she found herself unable to speak anymore. Instead she pushed herself closer to Anna so that their sides touched completely, hoping to communicate all her love, regrets and gratitude at once though her touch.

Anna accepted the affection and tugged at the shawl Elsa still wore until it laid across both their shoulders.

Their mother had always said Anna's love could hold up the world, but who had been there to hold _her_ up?

“I want it redone.” Elsa finally said. “The room. if we do it. I want to turn it into an office or a storage room. But I don't want anyone to live in here again.”

“Me too.” Anna said.

What would Elsa do without her? What would they do without each other?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What, two more Maren-less chapters??? Well it was important to me that the sisters resolved all that was still between them before Elsa can actually move on with her (love) life!  
> And yes I've increased the posting pace greatly, that's because everything is pretty much written now and I can't wait to share it with you!  
> You don't have to wait much longer for the Elsamaren part :D


	21. Finally, Elsa! - reprise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elsa buys her crush an entire company... oh wait, wrong fandom

“Where are we going?” Honeymaren asked from the back of Kristoff's car.

"It's a surprise!" Anna squealed.

It had taken Elsa a few weeks to come up with something she could actually share with the twins and it would need another few more before it was actually viable, but Anna's excitement was getting hard to contain. She was bound to spill the secret sooner or later, so they decided to take them to the manor before she could ruin the surprise.

Maren made a face.

"Okay but it better not involve any holiday thing, you all know I hate those."

"Come on, Mare, aren't you excited about what they have to show us?" Ryder said from the passenger seat?"

"How can I be if I don't know what it is?" She sassed back.

Elsa put a hand in front of her mouth to stifle a giggle. It had turned out that as much as she loved planning surprises for the others, Maren hated being on the receiving en of them. She had a point, though. It was getting close to December and she had drawn the line at apple picking for seasonal activities back in October. It was rare but also quite amusing to see her this frustrated.

"What?" Maren asked Elsa.

"Nothing, nothing." Elsa said. She was squeezed between Maren and Anna as it didn't make sense to take two cars for five people. "Don't you trust us?" she asked playfully. She couldn't wait to arrive and see the look on Maren's face. 

"Oh course I do." Maren said but still crossed her arms grumpily.

* * *

Looking back on it the entire idea had been entirely impulsive and she was still surprised that Anna went along with it. Then again Anna had always had as much impulse control as her, that is to say very little if not less. 

The real surprise should have been Kristoff's involvement. But of course he had been over the moon having the opportunity to design his own dream veterinary practice. 

Anna's youth shelter idea had also been given a lot of thought. They could offer accommodation of course, but also training in animal care, hospitality and catering too, maybe even accounting and communication. At Anna's suggestion, and to Elsa's astonishment, they decided to specifically get in touch with LGBTQI+ support groups and turn the place in a shelter for kids who didn't have their families support anymore, like Maren's friends Agnete and Cali. If Maren and Ryder were okay with it, of course, but why wouldn't they be?

Elsa could only hope they would be equally thrilled by the project. 

But as she watched Maren blankly staring out of the window she wasn't so sure anymore. 

What if Maren didn't like it. What if she took it the wrong way? What if she thought Elsa was overstepping? After all, she had only made one offhand comment but had never actually asked Elsa for any help regarding the reindeer, least of all an entire new center. What if the whole project was crossing a boundary Elsa didn't know existed. What if Maren saw it as an insensitive display of wealth or an attempt to take control of her life. Maren had never told Elsa she actually missed the center, so how could she be sure she would want to get involved into a new one?

However it was too lat to turn back and soon they had reached the estate's gate. 

"Wow, where _are_ we?" Ryder asked in awe.

* * *

Elsa stayed behind as the others carefully walked up to the great porch. The ground had gotten significantly harder, colder, and thus more dangerous but it didn't seem to bother any of them. Of course, Elsa was probably the one with the least outdoors experience. 

She took a moment to look at them, all bundled up in their winter clothes, Anna almost disappearing under an oversize woolen cape and Maren's beanie pulled down almost to her eyes, the four more important people in her life about to step inside her childhood home.

Elsa quickly joined them and grabbed Anna's hand for support. Nervously she cleared her throat and Anna gave her hand an encouraging tug.

"This is where we used to live." Elsa spoke as clearly as she could. "And we want to turn it into a fully functional reindeer shelter for you, Sven, Aaldu and all the others."

The was a terribly long moment of dumbfounded silence as the twins processed her words. There was nothing Elsa could do but swallow the lump in her throat and wait for their reactions.

"For... For real? Maren finally asked, blinking.

"For real." Anna confirmed when Elsa found herself unable to answer.

Without waiting Anna whisked everyone away on a grand tour of the estate, detailing the plans they had for every room and dependency.

* * *

"… And of course, the whole idea was Elsa's in the first place, but there's a lot work to do and we're gonna need all you ideas and help with it." Anna finished once they had circled back down to the main hall.

Elsa had remained silent during the whole visit, still unsure of Maren's reaction. Sure she was slowly spining on herself, looking up a the high ceiling in admiration, but that did not mean she was completely onboard with the project. 

"So... do you like it?" Elsa shyly asked.

"Like it? I love it!" She exclaimed unexpectedly tackling her into a bone crushing hug. Uncharacteristic but welcome.

Then and only then did Elsa let out the breath the had been holding since the car. 

"I love it so much! I could, I could kiss you!" Maren exclaimed then froze and released her. "I mean, I won't. Obviously."

Maren stepped back and Elsa felt... was it disappointment? Maren's reaction was exactly what she had been hoping for, so there was no reason for her to feel this way. "Obviously..." Elsa repeated dumbly.

Ryder laughter broke trough Elsa's thoughts. He was half hugging half patting Kristoff's back. "And I could kiss _you_ he said to him!" Then, realizing what he had just said her started to ramble. "I mean, you plans for a clinic is brilliant. Like, imagine if we got the CT scan for real? We could even hire it to other vets and no one would have to send the big ones to Saint Louis anymore. Just imagine how much easier and quicker it would be for – for everyone! And I know the whole thing is the girls' idea but...."

But no one was actually listening to him.

Kristoff was nervous looking back and forth between Anna and Ryder.

Elsa was biting her lip and Maren had hidden her face in her hands.

Anna was looking back at Kristoff with one raised eyebrow and a smirk. "You know we talked about that, honey." she said, casually patting her fiancé's shoulder. "I'm all for you exploring this bromance. Go ahead I won't judge."

"What?" Ryder exclaimed surprised. "Really? We can? I mean, can we?" he asked Kristoff. 

Elsa gasped in shock and Maren muttered in her native tongue, _"Dear Lord please spare me this disaster show"_ or something along those lines, Elsa assumed as that was exactly when she was thinking at the moment.

Still frozen in place and looking very much like the deer he was so fond of, Kristoff slowly nodded his consent. 

Without wasting a moment Ryder gently tugged his head down and caught his lips in an enthusiastic kiss. One that lasted way too long for Elsa's taste. 

"That was hot," Anna said when they separated.

Elsa wanted to shout _How? Why? Anna!_ But she remained as silent as the two men now standing awkwardly apart.

Kristoff bore a confused and somewhat apologetic look while Ryder's face was more one of disappointment and resignation.

After a few beats Ryder finally spoke.

"There was no spark was it?" he asked.

Kristoff confirmed with a shake of his head. "Sorry mate." He rubbed the back of his neck. "I'm afraid Anna is it for me."

Ryder gave a loud sigh. "Figured as much. Well, no hard feelings," he added with a friendly bump of his shoulder.

What had just happened?

* * *

Elsa regretted a lot a things in her life, but very few as much as she regretted her initial offer that they all gathered in one vehicle. Every little thing counted when it came to reducing her carbon footprint but was it really worth it when it meant being that acutely aware of all the tiniest places Maren's body touched her. Arm against arm, hip against hip. Even through the fabric of their sleeves she could feel the warmth coming from the other woman's skin, her pulse beating along with her own heartbeat, unless it was the other way round.

As Honeymaren was focused on talking to her brother, Elsa allowed herself to look at her, _really_ look at her. The baby hair at the base of her neck that never seemed to grow like the rest, was a little sweaty despite the cold weather. She had three holes in her left ear but no earring, leftovers from of some teenage rebellion now far behind her maybe. Elsa didn't remember ever seeing her wear any jewelry before. 

As Elsa observed the cluster of freckles right below her eye, Maren laughed at something and a smile split her face, bringing Elsa's attention to her lips. She found herself tracing them with her eyes and wondered – probably not for the first time, she realized with cold dread – how they would feel against hers.

She had just set the most important change in her life in motion, and all she could think about were Kristoff's words. 

So the spark _was_ a thing and Elsa had not felt it with Cassandra. They had put it on Cassandra's heart being somewhere else but what if Elsa's had been too? And what about the sudden emptiness she had felt when Maren had stepped away at the manor? Was there no spark between her and Cassandra because she'd rather be kissing Maren?

Elsa had probably stayed silent a little too long, wondering how she could ever answer this question, because Maren suddenly turned around towards her and Elsa averted her eyes. 

"You okay?" 

"Yes!" Elsa squeaked "of course I'm okay." she assured her, forcing herself to look forward at the road.

"Hey look we're passing the old railway." She said just to say something and have an excuse to look away.

Maren patted her forearm and Elsa felt her heart swell in her chest. _"Oh no"_ She though when Maren did not take her hand away immediately. She was in trouble, _big_ trouble.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posting this while listening to the Norwegian Frozen soundtrack on repeat.  
> Can you _feel_ the Elsamaren now?


	22. Sparks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elsa needs answers, she goes to Honeymaren's.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the one you've been waiting for ~~~~

Kristoff dropped Ryder at the clinic as he was on a watch shift and then took Maren back to her place.

The day had been full of emotions and to anyone else a quiet family night would have been the perfect way to recuperate. But as engaging as whatever Netflix show Anna had picked was, Elsa's mind just would.not.calm.down.

"I'm going out for a walk." She suddenly stated in the middle of the third episode and was out of the door before anyone could react.

Twenty minutes later she was at Maren's.

"Elsa?" A goddess asked.

For a moment Elsa though she had gotten the wrong door. Honeymaren's trademark braid had been undone and her hair fell down her back and over her shoulders in dark flowing waves. Elsa thought she had never wanted anything more than to run her fingers through it. And just as suddenly the vision disappeared as Maren casually gathered her hair in a quick practical bun. She looked like herself again but, oh no, not any less beautiful to Elsa.

"Hi," Elsa stuttered.

Maren had apparently been having the same kind of quiet evening as her. She had dressed down to pajama pants, an open hoodie over a tank top, and no bra, Elsa noticed with a gulp. 

"Sorry, I should have called beforehand," Elsa said awkwardly. Who was she to impose on her when she was clearly no expecting company. "I can come back another time –" she started.

But Maren shook her head, indicating that it was okay and gestured for her to come in.

"I was making some herbal tea. Want some?" Maren offered and Elsa accepted with a nod.

Soon the smell of cornflower and chamomille invaded the room and Maren gingerly sat down on the couch next to Elsa.

"So.." she started.

"So..." Elsa echoed.

"So an entire manor, huh?"

"Yeah... Are you happy? With it, I mean. I know you're not big on surprises. And this was a big one..." Elsa was stopped by Maren's hand on her forearm. Fingers, wrist, skin....

“You just got me a dream I didn't even know I had. Of course I'm happy.” Maren answered with a warm lazy smile. Once again Elsa's attention was drawn from her hand to her lips.

Should she give it a try like Ryder? Just to get it out of her system. But what if Maren didn't like it? What if _she_ didn't like. Could they be able to shrug it off the way Ryder and Kristoff had. She really didn't want to complicate thing between them, she loved the way they were together. Then again _that_ was the problem, wasn't it? Adding to that they were now bound, in a way, through the shelter. What if they kissed and things became awkward between them and they could not stand to share a space anymore. How would that work then? Would they have to establish a schedule for coming to the manor or would Maren step down from the project. Could Elsa take this away from her for one selfish idea that wouldn't leave her alone?

"Elsa why are you here?" Maren asked.

Elsa took the plunge. "What do you think about me?"

"What do you mean? I think you're great, of course."

"No, I mean, when we first met and we weren't friend, did you ever think that we.... did you ever want to be something else that friends?"

"What on Earth did bring this on?" Maren mumbled but Elsa heard. "When I saw you over there by the bar," she said more clearly. " I thought you were pretty and I wanted to talk to you."

"But you didn't try to flirt with me?

"Yes I did!" Maren exclaimed with a dramatic sigh." Believe me. I did! So hard!"

"What? When? Where?"

"See! That's what I'm talking about. I approached you thinking I'd chat you up, score a date, maybe some good time. But then you were so awkward and, well kind of cute. I wanted to get to know you and, I don't know, guide you. You were new to everything, exploring, and kind of out of your depth." Elsa had to nod in agreement at that. "And after that," Maren went on. "I thought flirting was the furthest thing from your mind." She said. And if Elsa was honest with herself, it had been true. "You needed to grow into yourself and you needed a friend on your side for that. Not someone who was trying to date you."

"But Cassandra?"

"Was a mistake, I admit. I really thought you two would get along."

“We do, at lot. Just not like that.”

“Yes I see that now. As I said. A mistake.”

"Elsa what's all this about?" Maren asked after a while when Elsa didn't say anything.

Elsa fidgeted with her own fingers.

"I've never been very good at identifying my own feelings." she said, raising her eyes to meet Maren's. Then little by little she leaned closer until their faces were almost touching. "Maren," she asked, "Can I try something?"

"Yes," Maren answered breathless and Elsa kissed her.

And then she kissed her again.

Something switched inside her. She wanted more. _She wanted more!_ She had convinced herself that this feeling was a myth but it wasn't!

Her hand came to cup the back of Maren's head and she pushed her down on the couch, practically climbing over her, pressing the back of her head into the soft cushion beneath, squishing their bodies together. There was something in her chest like a light that grew brighter and brighter witch each second. It was warm and good and – and Maren raised her hands to Elsa's shoulder and pushed away.

“Elsa, Elsa,” she said freeing her mouth. “Darling, slow down."

Maren had called her 'darling'. But Maren also wanted her to stop. The light went away. Elsa sat back up.

“You don't want this..." she started..

“Oh Gods, Elsa yes I do. So much!” Maren groaned, interrupting her before she could finished her thought. “I just pushed it all down, I thought.... I was certain _you_ didn't. Want it, I mean. I was this close to getting over it.”

“Oh.” Elsa said sadly. “To be honest I didn't know I did, until now.” She explained.

Maren titled her head to the side.

“What made you change your mind?”

“Ryder?”

Maren scrunched up her nose.

“Do I really want to know?”

Elsa gave her a gently slap on the shoulder.

“And Kristoff. What they said about the spark. I didn't get one with Cassandra...” she trailed off unsure of how to explain it.

“But you got one with me.” Maren finally finished for her.

Elsa bit her lip sheepishly. “Yes,” she said. “Does that sound weird?”

They were still half sitting, half lying Elsa straddling Maren's legs in a position that felt more inappropriate with each passing second.

Maren pushed on her elbows so that she was sitting a little more upright. "No, it doesn't." she said bringing her into a hug."I think, no, I know I've liked you for a long time now. So I'm glad you feel that way." She closed her eyes and touched her forehead to hers.

Elsa closed her eyes too. It was something her mother used to do quite often when she was a kid, but Elsa knew that for Maren it was a lot more than a cute gesture to a child. It was more intimate that all the kisses they had shared so far.

"I also know that this is kinda new for you." Maren added after a while. "So we can go slow. We can go as slow as you want."

Elsa didn't want to sound desperate but she also didn't want to wait five more months to kiss Maren again.

"Do you want me to go now?" Elsa asked, unsure.

"No." Maren answered immediately. "Unless you want to, I mean, of course."

"What if I don't?"

"Then stay." Maren said. "I don't know if you've noticed," she added "but I really like being with you. Every time I know I'm gonna see you it makes my day better, I get excited and happy and when you're here it's like, I don't know, like you shine. I don't know if it makes sense."

So that's what that feeling had been, Elsa realized. She had been so stupid.

"I think..." Maren continued. "I think I'd like to be with you all time."

It sounded terribly impractical, but also... _yeah_.

"It does." Elsa breathed quietly. "Make sense." She hid her face in Maren's neck. It was soft and warm and felt so good, just like everything about Maren. And most of all, she thought, it was allowed, and it was wonderful. “So can we... can we also not? Go slow, I mean.” She asked. 

Maren didn't answer and blinked at her. 

“Sorry, that sounded so needy.” Elsa apologized and started to peel away from her.

“Oh my God Elsa!” Maren finally said with what sounded like … awe? in her tone. “How are you even real? Come back here.” This time it was Maren pulling her down, one hand in her hair the other on her waist. Her mouth on hers, kissing, tasting, demanding entrance which Elsa promptly gave. The spark had turned into an actual fire and Elsa didn't know how to stop it. She didn't _want_ to stop it.

And it didn't matter if she was plain or unattractive or too skinny and pale and awkward, she just wanted Maren to touch her. Touch her and let her touch her. And she did.

* * *

Some more kisses later they had moved to Maren's bedroom. Part of Elsa did think they should not be going so fast, but other part just wants to skip the whole dating thing, going out, getting to know each other. It was what they'd already been doing all along anyway. 

Elsa pulled away a little. “Anna was right,” she said.

Maren gave a cute chuckle – Elsa was allowed to think it was cute. “What about?” she asked, nuzzling her cheek like a kitten following warmth.

“A few weeks ago, went I went out with Cass, she asked me, well, she told me we were dating. You and I.”

Maren didn't sound surprised at all. “Oh. Well. Maybe we were.”

“Were we?”

Maren tilted her head “Are we now?”

“Are we what?”

“Dating?”

“Oh, well. We can be... if you want to.”

“I do. We are.” Maren said with a tenderness that gave Elsa goosebumps all over again. “You okay?” she asked.

“I hate it when Anna's right. She's gonna be insufferable.”

Maren only laughed and pull her in for another kiss and it was wonderful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Am I thirsty for hair-down Honeymaren, absolutely yes, why?


	23. Warm and cosy and what is that ?!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elsa and Honeymaren are cute together. Maren discovers something about Elsa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Elsamaren happened, spoiler alert, from then on it's only bonus!

_Insufferable_ was exactly what Anna had been, that and more. Elsa could not find a word strong enough to describe how obnoxious her sister had been from the moment she found out. 

But despite the suggestive winks, endless innuendos, and the "Congrats on the sex" cake that sent Maren into fits of roaring laughter, Elsa understood that Anna was nothing but happy for her. 

And she was happy too. In fact she had never known such happiness and peace. And though she still woke up every other days with the terrifying certainty that it was nothing but a fleeting illusion, she was willing to accept it in her life. 

_"I cannot tell you to not over think it,"_ Gerda had said. _"We both know how that's not how it works. But every time you start to feel like you might get lost, try to voice your concern out loud. Ask your sister and ask Honeymaren. Remember that you are allowed to."_

And Elsa had forced herself to do exactly so. And it had worked. 

Maren, to no one's surprise, was a tactile person and she was more than happy to prove to Elsa time and time again, that everything was real. More surprisingly so, Elsa reveled in her tender, grounding touch. Like right now as she woke up to Maren counting and tracing something on her shoulders.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"Freckles."

"I don't have freckles."

"Yes you do, here" she said gently running her fingers over the spots she wanted to point out. "and here, and here. They look like snowflakes on fresh snow." Tenderly she shifted her weight onto her elbow so she could bury her face closer into Elsa's neck. "like here..." she continued replacing her finger by soft kisses. She hit a sensitive spot that sent a tingle down Elsa's body. 

"That doesn't make any sense. both are white." She giggled, arching her back and stretching her neck to invite more kisses.

"Come on snowflakes I'm trying to be poetic here." Maren wrapped her arms completely around Elsa.

"'s too early for poetics." Elsa complained.

"Is it?"

"Yes"

"Really?" Still unconvinced Maren let her hands wander down Elsa's waist and lower.

"Yes."

"Even for this?" Maren smirked and brought her thumbs to caressed the sensitive creeks at the junction of her thighs and Elsa could not help but let out an incoherent moan. It wasn't quite where she wanted Maren's hands, but extremely, painfully close. "Maren please don't tease." she whined, 

"We have to be ready to go by half past ten."

Maren hummed "You said it yourself, it's early. We have time."

"I don't even know what time it is." Elsa mumbled.

"Oh so you were bluffing?" Maren pulled away in mock offense.

"Elsa lets out a frustrated groan and turned around now lying fulling on her back, allowing to reach around Maren's shoulders to pull her to her.

"Come back here," she demanded. And Maren obliged.

It was only much later, satisfied and basking in the feeling of Maren's body around hers, that Elsa noticed the complete lack of sound coming for the rest of the apartment.

Either she had been right and it was too early for the other occupants to be awake, or they were all going to be extremely late for the Sunday meal at Kristoff's parents. Now with two more young adults to mother in the persons of Ryder and Honeymaren, Bulda was more insistant than ever about their presence.

Or, as Maren had implied, she and her hadn't been the only ones with the same idea and no, Elsa absolutely, categorically, refused to think about it. Reluctantly she finally reached for her phone, if only to prove Maren wrong. It was in fact barely eight and their was no way Anna would be up at that time on a day off.

Deciding than since they were fully awake now they might as well go make breakfast for the others, Elsa extricated herself from the furnace her bed had become to at least get a clean shirt. Though she was usually immune to it, the fresh air on her naked skin made the hairs on her arms rise and she couldn't stop the shiver that ran down her back.

With a reluctant groan Honeymaren slid out of the bed. Taking the entire comforter with her she pressed herself against Elsa's back and enveloped them both in it.

"This is not going to help me get out of this room," Elsa commented, "But thank you."

Maren was already trailing open kisses between her shoulders. Though Elsa never understood what was so special about it, Maren had a particular obsession with her upper back. Not that she could blame her, after all. She herself could, and did, spend hours worshiping the expanse of toned skin and muscles bellow Maren's chest, especially the ticklish spot right above her belly button.

"Maybe I have ulterior motives." Maren teased. Elsa let herself enjoy the feeling until Maren tensed suddenly and her lips left her skin. "What is that?" she asked, all her attention focused on something in Elsa's open closet. 

* * *

After their first visit to the Manor Anna and her had taken their mother's shawl back to their place, reconnecting with their ancient tradition of seeking comfort from it. It had traveled from one room to the other depending on who needed it. It had actually been a rather long time since any of them had, so Elsa had almost forgotten it was there.

Forgoing her panties and shirt she took the piece of fabric out and unfolded it for Maren to see. 

"It was our mother's." Elsa explained.

"Your mother's?"

"Yes. She said it was a souvenir from her own mother. And now, well, now it's pretty much all we have left of her, you know." Seeing the shawl spread out like that in plain light still made Elsa quite emotional. She did not did not notice Maren taking a deep breath.

"Your mother from Norway?"

"Yes silly, I don't have any other. When we were younger. Before... before everything happened with Anna and I, she would wrap up in it and sing to us." Lost in the memory of her mother's voice she closed her eyes and let the foreign yet familiars words flow through her.

"Davvebiegga mearas lea doppe johka mas leat muittožat," she sang softly.

"Oađe njálgát biiggážan das go dán jogas gávnnat buot" Honeymaren continued along with her.

Elsa's eyes shot open and it was her turn to stare at her in shock.

"You know that song."

"Yes.”

“It's not Norwegian, is it."

"Not it's not." Maren confirmed. "This scarf, this design..." she said, respectfully running her finger along the embroidered hem. "It's from one of our oldest families."

Elsa gasped. "Which means..." she started.

"Your mother..."

"Was Northuldra!"

"Your need to get Anna!" Maren said then, as if a switch inside her had been turned on. She started rummaging around, searching for her phone not even noticing the blanket falling off Elsa's shoulders. "Wake her up. And I need to make phone calls! Is there a computer or a tablet we can use here? I mean of course there is. What time is it?" She stopped to make some mental maths, counting aloud in Northuldra, then "Yes, Good."

"Maren," Elsa finally found her voice.

"Yeah, what?"

"Maybe... maybe we should put on clothes first."


	24. So many reindeer!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Frohana and Maren and Ryder skype with Yelana

It was a hectic morning of rough awakenings, blurted revelations, canceled plans and long distance calls in a least three different languages. One Ryder showing up as fast as he could, several hugs, some tears and a lot of coffee and cocoa later everyone was gathered in the Arens living room, all five of them squeezed together on the couch waiting for Skype to put their call through so they could speak with Yelena.

The video window finally flickered on and an ageless woman in a heavy looking brown tunic appeared. She had high cheekbones identical to Maren's. Elsa remembered that she was her aunt in addition to being her, _what was the word?_ village leader? Her long grey hair was held away from her forehead in pleats while the rest flowed free, droplets of water clung to it, probably melted snowflakes she hadn't bothered to dry off. 

She did not look very friendly, in fact Elsa found her rather intimidating. 

The room she was in was tiny and badly lit. It was already the middle of the interminable winter night over there and she was calling from a common lodge that doubled as an internet access point for the whole community.

With a frown and a scrunch of her nose Yelena exchanged a few words with Ryder and Maren in their native language. Northuldra, Elsa reminded herself, Mother's language and one she didn't understand a word of.

But she could easily guess that Ryder and Maren were getting a scolding for not calling often enough, a universal experience shared by those who did have relatives. Maren answered something, probably asking her to switch languages as Yelena then addressed the rest the room in a shaky English.

"What is so important that young Aslak came to fetch me in my home?" She asked giving Maren an impatient look.

Elsa glanced at her sister. Anna, who was usually always so eager to talk was looking back at her in powerless silence. Taking her hand and interlacing their fingers for courage, Elsa tried.

"Ma-- Honeymaren told us that we... that our..." Her voice got stuck in her throat too. 

On her other side Maren placed a hand on her forearm and leant forward.

"I found them, Aunt Yelena. Or rather, they found me." She said. "Show her he scarf." she instructed.

"Oh, yes." Elsa obliged.

Yelena's reaction was immediate. "Iduna!" she gasped.

Neither Elsa nor Anna could stop their tears at hearing someone else say their mother's name. So naturally, so fondly and with the exact same accentuation she used herself.

"So that is where you went," Yelena whispered, and all could see that despite her hard exterior she was struggling to keep her emotions in too.

"She... she is – was – our mother."

"Was...? Oh." Yelena said sadly. "May I ask, what happened to her?"

"Six years ago," Anna started. Had it been that long already? Despite everything that happened since, Elsa still felt like it was yesterday. "Our parent's car was involved in a crash. And they didn't make it."

"I see. But she had two daughters too. Tell me, what are you names?" Yelena asked.

"I'm Elsa," Elsa said. "Elsa Aren, and my sister is Anna."

Suddenly Yelena's expression turned into a frown.

"Aren," she repeated on a more somber tone. "Like Agnar Aren?"

"Agnar, that's Father!" Anna exclaimed. "You knew our father too."

Yelena sighed and shook her head.

"Aunt Yelena what is it?" Maren urged her.

"I was younger then. And Iduna, was even more younger." Yelena started. "She was, how do you say? A free spirit. She was full of love and kindness but she loved trouble more. She was very curious all the time. The was never a dull moment with her."

It was not easy to imagine her mother the way Yelena described her. Not when she had always been this quiet gentle presence that people always compared Elsa to. And now Yelena was telling them that it was actually Anna who had taken after her the most. 

"One day she came home saying she had made friends with a Norwegian boy. Which could have been a good thing. It was time when after centuries of being outcasts on our own land we were finally being seen, and we really thought that we could learn to live together side by side. We were willing to be on good terms. But Iduna's friends was the son of Runeard. Runeard Aren." Yelena said.

The name was familiar to Elsa and Anna, it had been on a few documents concerning their father. But either than that they knew nothing about him. And seeing Yelena's look, it had probably been better that way.

"He was half politician and half entrepreneur. And he needed cheep electricity for the iron mines so he decided to build a dam right across our valley."

"The one I told you about." Maren interjected.

"We told them it would break the land and we tried to make him cancel the project but he didn't want to listen. So we fought back and it was brutal." Yelena went on. "And then it was built anyway and the valley was flooded."

Ryder and Maren averted their eyes as Anna gasped.

"We lost many after that. And Iduna, your mother, was among them."

Elsa already knew the story, and now she also knew how it involved her family.

"She fought, with the rest of us, of course, and she tried to get her friend, your _father_ " Yelena said, still unsure about calling him that,"on our side but he was stuck between his loyalty to his family and to her. They were young too and didn't understand all that what happening. They also knew that the siida would never accept them together. By the time the fight was over, they had run away together, and we were never able to track them down exactly. So she was lost and we mourned her." Yelena explained. "And then Maren found you."

At those words Maren wrapped her arm tightly around Elsa's waist. Elsa let her, out of habit, but how could Maren still accept her, want her, now that they knew her grandfather had been responsible for her family's greater loss?

"It's hard to imagine them like that," Anna said. "So young and hardheaded and full of.."

".. life." Elsa completed when her sister's voice broke. "I know. There were always just Mother and Father, it's hard to picture them as anything else. I would never have thought they'd be this rebelious. 

"They really loved each other." Anna answered.

"I never doubted that, just never thought they'd had to fight so hard for this." Elsa said. Then looking back up at Yelena she started cautiously. "Do you..hate that she went away? That she... had us?"

"Why would I." Yelena said. "You are part of us too. So if anything you are more like a bridge, one that can allow us to close that chapter of our history."

"Will you tell us more?" Anna then asked.

"Of course. As you will tell us about her."

And idea stuck Anna and she quickly reached for the computer to upload a picture through the chat window. 

"Oh!" Yelena couldn't help her little gasp of surprise as the file went through. "Thank you," she said in a strangled voice. 

The picture was one of the last they had of their parents, a semi formal one, taken at Anna's school.

Both stood proud, a little stiff, each with one hand on Anna's shoulders as she held a trophy with a beam. Debate team, Elsa remembered, Anna loved it. There was no Elsa in the picture, of course. God knows where she was at the time. Probably hiding in her room and missing another one Anna's landma--

"You look like her." Yelena said. "Both of you."

"And she looks like you." Elsa whispered. She could see it now, something in their features, their eyes maybe, or general composure, just _something_ that made her mother and Yelena, and Maren too, look alike, like family.

After a moment Yelena appeared to notice something and her guarded smile slowly morphed into an amused one.

"Honeymaren, child, is there anything else you'd like to tell me?" She asked.

"Ah" Maren gave a startled jump, as if noticing only then where her arm was. "Yes, Elsa and I..." 

"I see, Then I say it is good thing Iduna was Anneke's daughter, Niillas's niece. You know her cousins Peter and Márgu." She said with a pointed look.

"What does that mean?" Maren asked. She was as confused as Elsa.

From the end of the couch Ryder burst out laughing and all the uncomfortable tension in the room was lifted at once. "It means you two are not related!"

"What does that... Yelena!" Maren protested.

Elsa groaned and hid her face in her hands as she understood. 

"Agh! I hate you!" Maren said, throwing a cushion at Ryder. "And you –!' She said to Yelena, only to be met with on raised eyebrow and a smug smirk. 

There wasn't any doubt where Maren got her attitude from.

"Guys cut it out!" Anna asked. "Elsa don't you see what that means?"

No, she didn't. Her mind was still reeling from everything Yelena had said about their mother. If not for Honeymaren's very strong grip on her she would have doubted any of it was real, including herself.

"I get to keep my girlfriend?" Maren said defiantly. Then she kissed her cheek in the corniest way possible with the intent, Elsa knew, to make Ryder and Yelena uncomfortable. 

"It means we're not alone anymore!" Anna continued, paying no attention to Maren's antics. "We have family somewhere!"

"Oh." _Oh_."We do." Elsa said quietly. "We do!" she repeated louder when it finally sank in.

From all the way in Norway Yelena confirmed it with a nod.

"And we get to visit them someday!" Anna added. "Right?" She asked Elsa. Then turning to Kristoff "You'll come with us too, won't you?" she said to him. "I mean, we could all fly there, all four of us, or five, would Ryder come too? Oh, you get to have in-laws too! Isn't that wonderful?"

Kristoff nodded. He had remained completely silent during the entire exchange.

He remained still for a few more second then smiled in wonder. 

"There will be so many reindeer!"


	25. Stronger and Deeper

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elsa and Maren debrief the talk with Yelena

Maren stayed. 

Long after they had disconnected the call with Yelena, after Ryder went to tend to the reindeer and Kristoff to see his own family in order to give the sisters space. Maren had stayed over to help them process their new found identity, offering comforting words and answering any question they had.

And there were a lot. Anna was insatiable. _"What's a siida? Where does Yelena live exactly? How does one get there? What do they eat there? Do they have chocolate? And what do you think my mother's favorite food was? How do you say this or that in Northluldra? Why didn't they stop building the dam? Why does it still stand? What are Màrgu and Peter like? Do you think they will like us?"_

It went on and on until she fell asleep slumped against Elsa under the scarf they shared.

"Hey, here." Maren said softly, handing Elsa a cup of warm tea. "How are you feeling."

"I'm not sure," Elsa answered, blowing on the tea before taking a sip, careful not to disturb her sister. 

Her life had undoubtedly taken a new meaning. 

Yelena's revelations explained so much: all the times Elsa had seen her parents get quiet when she was a child, all the unsaid, all the secrets that hung above them with a heaviness she had never been able to understand. It shone a new light on the silences she had come to believe she was the cause of, when in reality she had been the product. Gerda was definitely going to have a field day will all this.

"Different." she said. "And yet the same. Surprised." she said with a nervous laugh. "But mostly I think I don't understand." Elsa was had been happy, of course, to learn that she had a lot more family than she thought, especially for Anna. But she was still so very confused.

"How could they keep all this hidden? All their lives. And why?"

"Maybe, they were ashamed." Maren said, taking a seat on the other side of Elsa. "Of not being strong enough to fight, of running away or – or maybe it just was too painful to think about it.

"But that didn't give them right to keep it all away from us!"As much as she had been touched by her parents' story, she couldn't help her rising anger at them.

"I didn't say it was right. Only that they had their reasons whatever they may be."

"And that just one of the things that we will never know." Elsa said, frustrated. "Like this scarf, for example. You said it was old and meaningful and important. But I would never have known without you. For us it was never more than and nice piece of fabric, and because she's gone now we might never know the story it was meant to tell."

"Oh, well, May I?" Maren asked, delicately reaching for a corner of the scarf.

"See those diamond shapes, they represent the four spirits my, our people, believe to make up the world around us. You have Wind, Fire, Water and Earth," she explained, tracing the shapes along with her words. "And look, there's a fifth spirit," she said pointing to a similar shape in the middle of the pattern. "Said to be the bridge between us and the spirits of nature. It is said it took the shape of a woman with the power to control ice and snow."

"The Snow Queen?" Elsa said.

"Yes, you know that story too. It said that she was originally the benevolent ruler of a thriving kingdom, until her sister was killed in an accident. After that she retreated behind walls of ice and exiled herself in a glacier called --"

"Ahtohallan" Elsa finished for her.

"See, I don't think your mother tried to keep our culture away from you. I think she gave you as much as she was able to given her situation."

How many more stories, how many more, gestures, quirks, attitudes they had ascribed to their mother just being their mother, were actually signs of a tradition she had been too broken to share fully?

"I just wished, I just wished they had told us." Elsa breathed, tilting her head to accept a comforting kiss on her temple. 

"Would it really have changed anything?" Maren asked. 

At the same moment Anna stirred gently against Elsa.

"I think so yes, at least for her." Elsa said, brushing a lock of hair away from Anna's eyes, getting an undignified snore in response. "She wouldn't have been so alone all this time."

She was still uncertain what it would have changed for herself. 

All she could think was how much different their lives would be if she hadn't met Honeymaren that day. If she had chickened out of the bar or just picked another time to go. 

"It still hard to believe how much of it all comes down to chance. Of all the people in all the places in the world it was you I met, and you just happened to be the link."

"I don't know. I like to think life planned it that way. Like fate, destiny.

"Do you believe there's such a thing as that?"

"I do yes." She stated. "Also I- I think there's something I haven't told you." Maren started cautiously. "You see, when she became our leader, Yelena went on looking for those we had lost. And we knew some had emigrated here. So when Ryder and I first started talking about moving here..."

"Oh." If what Maren said what true, then there was indeed such a thing as destiny and she and Anna, where always meant to be found. "When did you know then? About us." She asked.

"Game night at your place, remember, when we talked about your family name. I had suspicions. 

But I only knew for sure...."

"When you saw the shawl."

"Yes."

"Is that why... why you stayed even after I ...?"

"After you what? " Maren interrupted. "I fell in love with you. This," she gestured to the scarf "is an added bonus. An amazing one, but unrelated. Never doubt that."

_In love_. Elsa was too. Even after only three months together, she did not have any doubt that that was how she felt too.

"Does it change anything now though?" Maren asked. "For us, I mean."

Did it change anything now that were family, was what Honeymaren was asking. Now that they knew their ties were deeper and older than they initially thought. They were bound by something bigger than a common charity project and stronger than mutual attraction and affection. Something unbreakable. Then again it had always been the case, they just didn't know it at the time. It was huge and possibly a bit scary, but for once in her life Elsa could say something with absolute certainty and it was that she was okay with it.

"It doesn't." she said in a whisper and Maren breathed in relief.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It might be confusing how and why Agnar and Iduna first fled to the US and second kept their story from the girls, but to be honest I am still confused as to why they did it canon.  
> I know it all comes down to the massive retconing in the second movie, but it still make no sense that Iduna would live her whole life in Arendelle without, I don't know, trying to go back to the Enchanted Forest or pushing for the Northuldra to be found and / or acknowledge. I know she was only a kid when the mist fell, but she was ONLY A KID! It makes no sense to me that she would push away, well, her entire identity!  
> Also the song, the whole movie is in English, but in what language did she actually sing it to the girls? Did she translate her childhood song into Arendellian?  
> But in the campfire scene Honeymaren seems to know the exact same words as Elsa, so there's a possibility Iduna sang in Northuldra. But if she did, how come no one ever questioned it? As you can guess there is nothing that annoys me more than the "everyone speaks English" trope.  
> Also, how come in the movie and Anna and Elsa were not flooded with question about their mother? I mean if Matthias remembered Agnar, surely many other remembered Iduna. Unless she was like an orphan who tagged along with the tribe like Kristoff with the icemen– which I highly doubt – surely she was someone's daughter / niece / cousin / friend.  
> (Just like Anna I still have so many questions!!!)  
> (And Also I haven't read _Dangerous Secrets_ so maybe I'll change my mind once I put my hands on it.)


	26. Epilogue

The Aren estate had never felt more alive.

Maybe it was the warm April weather and the burgeoning trees around, or maybe it was the dozens of people gathered for the official opening of the _Iduna and Agnar Aren Reindeer Shelter and Medical Center_ , a mouthful, but people would get used to it.

There had never been so many people there and Anna had never been so happy. Elsa could see it in her smile and hear it in her laugh as she chased after Agnete.

The teenager had found out that riding a reindeer was fun and also an excellent way of getting around on uneven ground. Saskia, a middle aged reindeer who had grown up carrying children around on a Christmas farm was more than happy to oblige.

The reindeer were still getting used to their new territory. They had been moved in barely two weeks ago. Of course Ryder still had to take out the pick-up to go collect and escapee now and then, but all in all they seemed to like the new place, especially the river, where Elsa knew to find them when they weren't hanging out close to the manor. It also helped that there was more humans around, meaning entertainment and food.

Kristoff had eventually moved the rest of his stuff out of his old apartment and into the manor to spend most of his free time with Sven.

Elsa suspected Anna would start thinking about moving back in with him soon, but with the new turn her own life had taken it wasn't such a scary thought anymore.

Cassandra stood a few feet away stoically watching the happy chaos unfold. Elsa went to stand beside her.

"Hey, thank you for coming today." She said.

"Wouldn't miss it for anything." Her friend answered.

Saskia, Agnete and Anna zoomed past them to go help a blond girl carry crates of food inside.

At Cassandra's suggestion they had commissioned Rapunzel for a mural on the main hall wall. She and Anna had instantly hit it off and become inseparable. Everyone had quickly learned to stay out of their way whenever they had an idea in mind, and after a successful surgery Agnete was never far behind. In fact she was one of their best students.

"How are you holding up?" Elsa asked softly. They both knew what she was talking about. 

"I am." Cassandra answered matter-of-fact. "They're getting married next month, so, you know, I don't have much choice but to move on eventually." She said with a shrug.

Without any warning Elsa felt strong arms snake around her waist and she relaxed against her girlfriend's warm body.

"Hey Snowflakes, Hey Cass. Everything okay?"

Maren's breath tickled a spot just below Elsa's ear. With Elsa a little taller than her and now wearing heels for the occasion Maren had to stand on the tip of her toes. Elsa's heart swelled in her chest. She would probably never get used to Maren's casual gestures of affection, and it was all for the best. She never wanted to take her for granted.

"Is she boring you already? Say the word and I save you from her." Maren murmured in Northuldra.

"Maren!" Elsa protested with a playful slap on her linked hands. "Of course not! Be nice!" She answered in English.

Elsa didn't have her girlfriend's knack for languages. Unlike Anna she was still struggling with making full sentences. But she would get there eventually. Their trip to Norway wasn't until the end of August, there was plenty of time for practice.

"Yeah, don't think I don't know when you're talking about me even in another language!" Cassandra said.

The two women's bickering was cut short by a demanding meow close to Elsa's feet and she reached slightly down to allow Bruni to jump up into her arms. 

She had been found hidden in a stack of hay from a nearby farm. When no one else had, Maren claimed her, true to her nature. But it was Elsa she had really taken a liking to.

"Hey there, little one," she cooed then winced when she clawed her way up her arm to to settle in the crook of her neck opposite Maren. She had yet to realize she wasn't a kitten anymore.

Bruni stayed there for a while purring and receiving stratches. Then, satisfied, she leapt down from the height of Elsa's shoulder, her paws spread out as if she was trying to take flight. Elsa recoiled from the impulsion and tried to catch her from fear she would break something. But just as usual she just trotted happily away like nothing.

"I see our future mascot is the same as always." Maren commented.

"Full of energy and impatient like her owner?" Elsa said.

"Excuse me, I'm plenty patient! I was going to say cute and adorable like her favorite human, but fine, be that way."

Next to them Cassandra made a gagging sound.

"Ugh, couples, please kill me if I ever become this way."

"Who with?" Maren deadpanned.

"Yeah, Cass, who with?" Elsa followed. "Is there something you're not telling?

Just at that moment Cali joined Anna's group to say a few words to her own sister who then pointed towards Cassandra. Turning around she adressed them with a happy wave to which Cassandra answered with a bashful smile.

"Wait," Maren said playfully bumping her shoulder, "You and Cali?"

To the general surprise Cassandra actually blushed.

"Maybe..." she said. "I don't know. Hopefully? You know, now that Agnete's better she's not so busy anymore, so we've been talking.

Cassandra was saved from further teasing as a teenage girl approached them."Miss Aren, I mean, Miss Elsa, I mean Elsa, the drinks delivery just arrived, shall I bring it all inside?"

Amity was one of Agnete's school friends and the shelter's first boarder. She had been couch surfing between her girlfriend's place and Agnete's after escaping from her abusive family.

"Leave it," Elsa said. "Maren will take care of it, since she had so much energy today. You just enjoy yourself, okay."

With time, Elsa hoped, the girl would get what took her twenty seven years to understand, that she didn't have to be perfect all the time to be valued.

* * *

The actual opening in itself was a quiet small thing, only the people involved in the project in some way and a few local journalists, gathered to witness the reveal of Rapunzel's mural.

Working from pictures Yelena had sent, she had painted Elsa and Anna's parents as they looked in their youth, holding hands the exact same way the two sisters were are the moment. The rest of the wall was filled with colorful pictures of reindeer in various lively stances. Aaldu had been more than happy to pose for those, provided Honeymaren kept the carrots coming.

Once everyone was settled with a drink and a snack Elsa quietly slipped away from the crowd, leaving Anna to do the actual socializing since she liked it so much.

"So soon, Snowflakes?" Maren's soft voice surprised her but she welcomed her presence with a warm smile.

"There are so many people." She explained.

"And they are all here for you."

"Don't exaggerate. We all know Anna is the real PR genius."

"Well, you're right, but none of it would exist if you and her didn't make such a good team." Elsa wanted to protest, as a reflex, but she remained silent, deciding to accept Maren's words. It was true, after all, there was no better team than Anna and her.

"Are you happy?" Maren asked.

"Of course," Elsa answered. "I never thought I could feel like that. I don't know how to describe it. It's like I know that this is the right place, like...."

"Like you belong?" Maren offered.

Elsa nodded let Maren tighten her hold on her and kiss her neck.

"It's something you said to me, the night we met. Do you remember." Elsa remarked.

"Huh?" 

"You took my hands and told me "You know, you belong up there." I know you were only talking about the bar and probably a little drunk, but I... I never forgot it."

"Oh, well, I'm good like that aren't I?"

"Oh get over yourself! You had no idea it would end of like this!"

Maren chuckled. "Of course not, snowflake. But I'm glad it did."

"Me too." Elsa said. "Me too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, here you go. Our favorite mess finally found out where she belonged!
> 
> Thank you all for sticking with me through this story. I'm glad I was able to bring my own meager stone the wonderful Elsamaren fandom.  
> And also hi to all the new people joining us now that this story is marked as complete (which is something I do.)
> 
> It was important to me to post today because.... Exactly one year ago I was in line to see Frozen 2 for the first time!  
> And yes it was released on the 20th here because movies are always released on a Wednesday and there was NO WAY I was going to wait one moment more to see it. And because I have zero (0) chill I did get to see it twice before the 22nd.  
> So happy 1 year anniversary to Frozen 2, both a homecoming and the start of something new and wonderful.  
> Indeed, since the release of the movie this is the second creative project related to Frozen I actually get completely finished the first one being an entire Honeymaren cosplay, the first cosplay I actually made. This is not the longest this I have written, but the longest I actually finished!  
> So yeah I can't help but be grateful to the Frozen franchise for that, and also kinda proud :D  
> But what I am the proudest of, concerning this story is that it actually got at least two (2!) people to watch She-Ra !!!
> 
> Also, guess what else I've been binging?


End file.
